I'm Done With "Shoulds"

I have spent a lifetime agreeing to SHOULDs. You name it, if it was a SHOULD, I'd force myself to do it.

No matter whether it was good for me or not. No matter if it fit who I was, or am, I pressed myself into that mold.

After all, in my mind, I had no choice.

The real kicker, is who's should was it? Was it parental? Religious? Societal? Educational? Professional? Spiritual?

Who gave me that should? Or, did I just make it all up?

Did I do it to fit in, be liked, loved, or to get promoted? Did my paycheck depend on me complying to their shoulds? Or, was I chastised for not following their "should" program.

It didn't seem to matter if it made sense or not. If my brain said, "Hey, Joan, you SHOULD do this," well, then, I just did it. Without question.

I might have squawked about it a bit, or a lot, yet along with it I went.

That is, until I didn't.

God only gave me so many SHOULDS and I've used them all up!

That was said clearly and confidently by a participant in one of my monthly gatherings. And, although, I chuckled in delight, as did everyone else, the truth and wisdom of it struck home deeply.

She no longer let others tell her what to do, how to do it, or forcefit her into their box. If she asked for help, she willingly accepted it.

Yet, she did not feel obliged to DO what they suggested.

Who knew I could do the same thing? How did I get to this age in life and still be driven by SHOULDs, especially ones that weren't even mine!

It was time to pay attention.

I began to notice where this cropped up. At first, it was so frequent, I began to wonder if the only thing I ever thought was a should!

I began to take action on them -- the ones that did not fit my values, goals, wants, or dreams, out they went!

I resigned from organizations, clubs, and professional groups. I stopped volunteering for stuff just because I was asked. My ego liked the request, my life energy did not.

I let go of toxic friendships. I didn't attend social events just to please someone. I stopped doing certain chores just because I thought I should!

I got rid of tons of stuff, too. Years of stuff, well organized, which I thought maybe someday I'd use or need.

I stopped spending money on useless things -- stuff that did not add value or meaning to my life.

At first, the flurry of action and change was a bit scary. I began to wonder if I'd gone off the deep end. If I got rid of all these shoulds, what the heck was going to be left?

Emptiness. Openness. Spaciousness. Expansiveness.

Yet, that was rather scary, too. Suddenly, I had large open windows of time.

What was I going to fill it with, I asked?

The answer came clearly -- NOTHING.

Leave it open.

In this society of over-consumption and busyness, it was unfathomable to me to leave my calendar, my home, or even my pantry, open, unfilled, and empty.

And, yet, that is exactly what I was divinely guided to do. To this, I did listen.

I wish I could say this was easy -- to notice those nagging shoulds and just do the opposite.

Thankfully, I had loving support along the way -- to help me see when one of those incessant shoulds would crop up. All they would say is, "Hey, Joan, isn't that a should?"

No, it hasn't been easy to shake off a lifetime of shoulds. To listen for that which is inspired, divinely guided action and take that path versus a should.

To stand firm and recognize that nothing else is more important.

How about you? Are you driven by shoulds and is it time you said, "No thank you. God only gave me so many shoulds and I've used them all up!"

Your money-life does thrive in clear, open, tidy spaces. Do you need help figuring out how to free up space and have a lush, green money-life? Do you fret about money even though you don't need to fret?



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