Why Do I Feel So Stuck In Life?

Life happens to all of us! We look up and so much time has gone by and we realize that "this is not what I planned for my life". "This is definitely not where I thought I would be at this point in my life!" Disappointment will often set in and then discouragement and distractions begin to cause us to feel as though we are stuck in our current stage of life as we appear to have lost sight of our dreams and goals. This is one of the statements posted on most of our marketing materials and website. It is from a conversation that took place a few years ago with someone that shared their heart with us as they attempted to make sense of their life.

Well, I hope that I can help you as you are trying to understand why you are where you are currently. I can assure you that it is never too late to make a course correction in your life; it may not appear to be easy and I am not promising that it will be easy but, it will certainly be worth the effort. Shall we begin?

Why Do I Feel So Stuck In Life? Where Did The Bread Crumbs Go?

For some of us our life seemed to be so clear; we were going to graduate from high school, go to college and land that dream job! Some of us planned on having the "American Dream" in the sense that, we would graduate from college, have a higher than average paying job, buy that dream house that you always wanted and have your three point five kids and a dog, cat, maybe a goldfish or a bird even; I don't know but you had a plan is the point.

For some; your dream was centered on becoming that independent person that lived by their own rules as they blazed through life living the kind of life that others would envy. Then there are those who were going to change the world! Fix those things that you saw as broken; you were going to be the change agent for social injustice; you were going to fix what you saw as a broken education system, or bring accountability to government-local, state or federal. You planned on revolutionizing the entertainment, sports, arts, medical, and literary fields.

So, here we are. When we turn around and look back at our lives we can't help but wonder "where did the time go?" We often evaluate our lives based on where we are currently and where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives. But we had a plan! We had this thing all figured out, what happened? What happen to me? This is not how I imagined my life would be. And then disappointment begins to set in followed by discouragement as we survey our life choices and start to feel stuck as we realize that we lost sight of our dreams and goals. There are a few of us who may feel like they gave up on their dreams or compromised their dreams for lesser endeavors.

Resentment soon creeps in and we are invited to play the "Blame Game" which can be a very nasty and destructive game. That blame game is a hot mess! When we reach this point in our lives; we can't figure out what happened to our well thought out plan? We begin to have these internal conversations that tend to excuse our lack of perceived success and focus on how other people have failed to help us succeed. Those internal conversations can be very condemning and cause us to take on a defeated perspective-meaning that we (you and I) are the problem due to some undetermined defect in the deepest core of who we are. Some of us even wrote our plan out and for those "A-type" people; you may have included charts and graphs. Keep reading, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a train.

Why Do I Feel So Stuck In Life? What has happened To Me?

Like I stated at the beginning of this post; "life happens to us all." So, now we are at a place where some of us have started to have regrets. Many people who reach this stage in the process have resigned to just sticking with what they are doing now because it is too late start something new. They have come to the conclusion that it is too late to chase after their lost dreams, "dreams are for kids" they often think as they continue to live in quiet desperation hoping things will change.

I was told a very powerful and thought provoking story earlier this year as I volunteered to help with a 5k run to help raise money to provide clean, drinkable water for a Massai tribe in Narok, Kenya. I was told from a very reliable source that the people of that particular village have developed a way of thinking that is a direct result of the poor quality of water in their area.

Whenever a baby is born it is not given a name; they will not waste a name on the child until they are absolutely positive that the baby will live. In that village, when a person is given a family name, that name is permanent- that means that when that person dies, no one can say that name anymore. So, they will not waste a name until they know that life will continue.

Many of you are a lot like that African village. You have seen how so many of your dreams and plans start out good only to fail. Maybe you have experienced that not one single thing that you have attempted to do ever made it off the ground. Some have had their dreams shot down, tore down, and stomped into oblivion as soon as you worked up the courage to share it with someone. There are others who experienced unimaginable and unspeakable things done to them. Survivors of domestic abuse, there are people who have overcome substance abuse or seemingly debilitating injuries and illnesses.

You do not dare to dream again, that is the last thing on your mind right now. You are just trying to find some sense of normalcy. You dare not waste a name on anymore dreams; you will not give it a name because you cannot bear to see one more thing fail in your life! But, even as you are reading this you can feel something stirring deep inside of you. You can try to ignore it, you can try to push that feeling down into the recesses of your inner being but, it keeps struggling to break out. It is almost as if it is screaming at the top of its lungs to be acknowledged!

We make attempts to retrace our steps eager to find the exact moment when things went wrong. We hope that somehow we can pinpoint that exact instant and by some means reset our lives and everything will be okay. It doesn't work like that unfortunately; but there are some things that we can do that have the ability to change the trajectory of our lives.

Why Do I Feel So Stuck In Life? Change Can Come.

In my line of work you can find so many examples of what is commonly referred to as stages of change models. These models simply chart the various processes or stages one takes when making changes in their lives. This is a widely used tool when dealing with addictions. As we go through this process at a brisk pace, I hope that you can begin to see that there's still time and opportunities to see your dreams come to fruition.

1. This is when you're not thinking about making changes in your life. This is where impairment has taken place for whatever reason and you have rejected the notion of even needing to change things in your life. Not a good place to be in.
2. This is the place where most of you reading this are right now at this moment. You're tired of being in that place of impairment or hurt; you're serious about the need for you to start making some positive changes in your life.
3. Now you're at the place in our life when you want to get the heck outta your rut, so you start looking for strategies and people to help you to leave your place of hurt, that place of being stuck (impairment).
4. Yeah baby! This is the place where you start to implement those things that are necessary to bring about desired changes in your life and you begin to experience movement. You are no longer stuck!
5. Hey! Now we're moving on up like "George and Wheezy! This is where you are achieving most of the goals that you have set and doing so with very little assistance. You have left your place of impairment and you're looking good!

Now, there's something that is very important to that I need you to remember; there's another stage that some don't address and I get why but, I feel that you need to read what I'm about to write. There will be times when you may find yourself back at the place of impairment. Do not panic, stop all negative internal conversations and go straight back to using the strategies that you have learned to becoming unstuck and examine how you lost focus so that you're aware of that particular pitfall if and when it shows up again. I am a firm believer in the idea that you can use failure as a tool, a learning opportunity if you view failure appropriately.

Failure, even if you are the reason for your perceived failure can become a teachable moment if you look at the situation properly. When you choose to view failure as a learning opportunity, you are actually continuing your process of change which in turn keeps you from feeling like you're stuck. I hope this helps you in your journey towards becoming unstuck.

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