What to Do If You Have Anger Problems

Anger is an emotion we feel like sadness, fear, joy and happiness. It is a feeling that is normal, healthy and serves the function of letting us know when all is not right in our world. However, when felt too intensely, too frequently or expressed inappropriately, (through violence, intimidation or verbal abuse) is when anger becomes a problem. Even when anger does not result in violence, the inappropriate expression of anger such as verbal abuse or threatening behavior often result in negative consequences not only for themselves but also for others around them.

There are numerous ways one can manage anger. Developing as many strategies to use in situations of anger can reduce the possibility that one will explode and/or act in an unhealthy manner. Here are several techniques to use when you are beginning to escalate.

1.) Take a time-out. Leave the situation that is causing the escalation of anger or stop the discussion that may be provoking it. Timeouts can be very effective when combined with other strategies such as breathing exercises or relaxation techniques.

2.) Use thought stopping. In this approach you simply tell yourself through a series of commands to stop thinking the thoughts that are getting you angry (i.e. I need to stay calm so I don't lose my job, I need to control my anger before it controls me).

3.) Use the conflict resolution model. Identify the problem causing the conflict, identify the feeling associated, decide whether to resolve the conflict or let it go. Ask yourself is it worth responding to or should I just let this go and move on? Identify any potential consequences if you are going to address the situation. If you have decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there's something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way.

4.) Communicate your anger using assertiveness. Use "I statements, which sound like: When you (specify the behavior), I feel (identify your feeling) and I want (identify your need).

5.) Journal writing. You may find that writing your thoughts and feelings is a powerful tool in reducing anger. Write about everything you felt, perceived, thought and experienced. Write for whatever length of time it takes to calm down so that you can move forward.

If your anger is becoming uncontrollable despite using anger management strategies, you may need additional help. There are many therapists, classes, and programs for anger management. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Finding others who can relate to your experiences and offer you support can be very helpful in managing anger.

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