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8 Pieces of Simply Terrible Life Advice

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever gotten? Some of your favorite comedians weigh in.


Everyone has advice. Not all of it’s good—some of it can be downright bad. But not everybody knows the difference.
So when SUCCESS.com caught up with some of entertainment’s hottest comedians at the Upright Citizens Brigade’s annual Del Close Marathon in New York City, we asked them to share the worst nuggets of so-called wisdom they’ve ever received.
Here’s their favorite laughable advice—aka eight tips you should think twice about following:
1. “Snap out of it is the worst advice! Sometimes you have to dwell in it.” —Ellie Kemper, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
2. “Buy a Saturn. I bought a Saturn and it gave me a lot of problems, so I’m going to go with that…. I’ve [also] been told to not take certain jobs that turned out to be something that was very good. I definitely go, I want to do this even though it’s stupid. I’ve definitely done stuff like that.” —Bobby Moynihan, Saturday Night Live
3. “Choose a safe path in life. I feel like improv is the opposite—improv’s all about taking chances, putting yourself out there, trying things that may not work.” —Mike Birbiglia, Inside Amy Schumer & Orange is the New Black
4. “Stay home and don’t do anything. Bad advice! Get out there; be active.” —Jordan Klepper, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
5. “Have a back-up plan. I didn’t have a Plan B—it worked out.” —Horatio Sanz, Saturday Night Live alum
6. “Squeeze the lemon. That means the yellow light when you want to race through the intersection—it wasn’t really advice, but it wasn’t good advice.” —Matt Walsh, co-founder Upright Citizens Brigade & Veep
7. “Someone once said, ‘Don’t do anything till you know you’re ready.’ I think that’s really bad advice. I don’t think most people are ever ready for anything and you have to just go into it. You’ll never feel safe, you’ll never feel prepared if you’re like me, so ‘don’t do it till you know you’re ready’? That’s a recipe for paralysis.” —Zach Woods, Silicon Valley
8. “Sometimes for auditions people are like, 'You just gotta get there and take a sh*t on a table and act like an a**hole.' I don’t know if that’s necessarily bad advice, but I didn’t feel like it was right for me. It’s not the only path to success.” —John Gemberling, Marry Me & Broad City