I recently spoke to a client who wants to improve her relationship with both money and romantic love. We started our session by exploring her patterns with men.
"Well," she explained, "I feel like I have to choose between stability and fun. I date two types of men: either they have their lives together, but I'm bored. Or the relationship is unstable, but also wild and fun."
We spoke about that issue for a while (I'll tell you the solution later in the article), and then we discussed her relationship with money.
"I feel like I have to choose between a stable 9 to 5 job, where I'll make good money but I won't feel inspired; or I can have my own business, but I'll have to sacrifice abundance and security."
A pattern emerged. So I responded by pointing that out: "It sounds like in both these areas of your life — love and money — you feel like you have to choose between opposites: feeling happy and free, or secure and filled with abundance. You are not able to imagine a reality in which you feel both stable and inspired all at once."
She agreed. Our deep work had begun.
Before I tell you what we did next to start her transformation, I want to say this: It's very common for people to treat their money and relationships the same way. In my work, I see patterns like these all the time:
- Overworking in relationships / Overworking to make money
- Believing that a partner should "do it for you" / Believing that money should "just happen to you"
- Controlling a partner / Controlling your money
- Feeling constant fear of not having enough — in both love and money
- Avoiding relationships / Avoiding dealing with your finances
- Wishing to be saved by a person / Wishing to be saved by money
The list goes on and on…The way people treat their money and romantic partners is very related.
But why? Well, because both money and love evoke fear in us like nothing else. And fear brings forth our limiting beliefs.
A limiting belief is any internal message that says you can't have the life experience you want.
In the case of my client, her limiting belief was that she couldn't feel both stable and inspired in the same relationship or job. In both circumstances, she was convinced that she had to choose between security or fun, between stability or inspiration. And because our internal realities dictate our external lives, what she believed was exactly what she experienced.
As we continued our session, I asked her, "What if I told you, you could feel both secure and alive at the same time, with men and money? And what if I told you, the way you're going to achieve this state of fullness will start with your belief that it's possible?"
"Wow," she said, "I never even considered that."
When we don't think a life circumstance is a possibility — whether it's love, money, or anything else — we don't make space for it to happen to us. It's only when we dream big and take steps to become what we want to create, that this new reality can emerge.
Several years ago I was caught in the same position as my client. I had been with the stable guy; I had been with the wild guy; but I wanted both in the same person! I did my part by challenging the limiting beliefs that held me back, and claimed my own fullness from the inside-out. Soon after, a very dynamic man — both stable and wild — walked into my life and showed me what's possible in love.
Not too long after that, I made the same changes with my financial reality. I imagined myself living securely and freely, followed my internal direction on how to make that happen, and it's now my reality.
The take-away from this article is a very powerful concept: You create your reality from the inside-out.
Any belief that tells you "you can't" is just going to hold you back. The antidote is searching deep within to find the message that says, Oh yes, I can, and believe in it with all your heart. When you learn to align yourself with the highest possibilities of what you want to create, anything can be yours from the inside-out.