A new eBook helps men who just can't bag a date on Tinder. It’s called "Tinder for Experts: How to stop losing hot matches, wasting time, & getting nowhere.”
It was written by a man known only as "Max,” and is sponsored byTinder Advisor, an advice service for users of the popular dating/hook-up app. Max says it’s based on “accredited seduction psychology.” Whatever that means.
Max, who describes himself as a serial entrepreneur, built on his personal struggle to match with women on Tinder. By seeing it as a "sales process,” he made himself better at self-promotion.
Indeed, it all sounds a bit Julien Blanc — like a book designed specifically for pick-up artists to use one of the most prolific dating apps out there to get even more action.
But Max tells us this isn't the case. Instead, he says, his intention is to save men time and embarrassment. Tinder is not just a tool for hooking-up, but an opportunity to "attract quality women they might not have dared approach in real life,” he explains, adding that people can "find truly remarkable women" on the app.
It still sounds somewhat suspect. But we'll let you judge for yourselves.Below, we’ve republished some of Max's key Tinder advice with the author’s permission.
1. Tinder isn't just a "sex app."It's a massive resource that can have a more fruitful effect than trying to meet women at a bar.
Max writes that many describe Tinder as an "app serving strictly to have a one-night stand." But he says girls on Tinder aren't any more inclined to go straight to bed than girls at the bar. Max tells readers that the only reason more men get lucky on the app is because of the number of users — but while Tinder helps men hook-up more, it's not necessarily with the ones they really want to be with.
Understand that sleeping with the normal girls — the ones you truly want — is going to be harder than if you’d had the luck of running into her alone at the bar. Think about it, you need to convince a girl who has never seen you that she needs to spend some time with you, preferably one-on-one, as opposed to go on with life as usual or meet one of the other million guys on the app. The good news is that the law of large numbers ensures that you will succeed far more than at the bar, and there are techniques to multiply your odds.
2. Be the "absolute biggest sweetheart."
I am talking about Ryan Gosling in The Notebook. The guy who can do no wrong and was brought up to do anything for a woman. Someone who respects them so much that he is shy by nature and would never dare to approach a girl in a bar or do anything player-like for that matter. This is the guy that all women dream about, but would never actually be attracted to in reality. The Sweetheart Principle will enable you to pleasantly surprise a woman...
...the Sweetheart approach will yield the highest success because it appeals to a broad base of normal girls. In the later chapter, you will see many examples of how to put this frame into practice at every step until the meet-up. Don’t forget, once you finally do meet her, Ryan Gosling needs to turn into James Bond if you want to avoid a wedding and, instead, guide her seamlessly into your bed.
3. Set the right range.
To stay optimal, I highly recommend increasing the range incrementally. Start small and if you run out of girls and if you feel your plate is not yet full, increase the range gradually. This will make you prioritize your energy on the ones closest with the highest chance of success.
4. Create the perfect profile photo.
How does Max think men can get maximum impact for just one photo? First, formatting is very important.
Avoid posting a photo with:
- Only your face
- You standing somewhere in the distance
- You turned away from the camera
- You sporting the “serious” look
- you posing with anyone else. people in the background can be ok.
- Blurry resolution. women are very weary of this while swiping and you should be too.
- Parts of the photo hidden by darkness. same principle as previous point. Avoid Black and white photos. you wearing sunglasses
- Have a photo of only you, the sole focus of all attention
- We must be able to see your entire head, down to at least your chest*. Anything past the knees will be too zoomed out
- Stare at the camera, or slightly away if you want to have the “in action” look
- Smile genuinely
- Make sure it is a crisp shot, such that someone who saw the photo could later recognize you in person. This being said, use apps like instagram to optimize the lighting and smooth over your features. This needs to be the absolute best version of you
- Display one or several of the following value indicators: taste for luxury, physical activity, artistic side, travel experience or acute sense of style
Max clarifies the whole thing in another section: "avoid the d*bag trap," he says. That means doing away with anything that will lower your "perceived value." He advises against selfies, "cool serious faces," and "showing off."
5. Swipe instead of clicking on the "X" or love heart.
Max says not to click the "X" or the love heart, as it takes more time than swiping. Crucially, he goes through the pros and cons of using a "swipe all girls right" process, or operating a "swipe right or left depending on profile picture" style. The first, Max says, is the fastest possible method and gains the maximum number of matches; the latter, though, means "no scary matches" and provides "minimal thought or emotional engagement."
6. Give girls time to match you first.
You can swipe at anytime of the day or night. However, I recommend doing this when you are stuck waiting and have absolutely nothing better to do. Otherwise, do it while you are in the middle of a Tinder conversation since you are logged on and distracted anyways. Since swiping is extremely time-flexible, set rules for yourself and don’t let it interfere with regular life. Swipe at least once, every one or two days, because active users have a priority over other men.
You can swipe many times in a day, you are better off spacing out the sessions, here is why: Tinder will have time to sort through the girls and show you the active ones in priority. Some matches may check up on when you were last logged on and get turned off if the number is always under five minutes. Give some girls time to match you first. This last point is called herding and can differentiate a king from a mere expert.
7. Don't be too picky.
Max tells men to be honest with themselves and says it's not realistic to only right-swipe models. He also explains that having friends "objectively rate your profile" is beneficial:
Since men only rate women on their looks, their scoring is simpler: a number between 1 and 10. Even women subconsciously know that this is their value on the dating scene, especially on Tinder. Right swipe women that score between your baseline and your ceiling. You will rarely match women above your ceiling, never mind meet them! Similarly, women below your baseline are the ones you do not want to meet even if they offer you sex on a silver platter.
8. The art of chatting.
In this section, Max talks about "when to engage," tapping into what he calls "prime-times." He divides the periods into Monday to Thursday, 7-11 p.m., Friday and Saturday between 3-9 p.m., and Sunday between 4-11 p.m. Each carries different weight.
This is Sunday, for example:
This time is devoted to relaxation and frivolous activities like Tinder. This is a great opportunity to schedule dates for the week because girls do not usually feel so “busy”. In many cities, a lot of girls will have followed a friend’s recommendation and downloaded Tinder over the weekend. On Sundays, you have plenty of time to build rapport with these newcomers.
There's also a "late night match" subsection, which Max says could lead to the most promiscuous conversations.
9. Working out who the girl actually is.
Max tells men that a Tinder profile isn't enough to judge somebody. He's got a solution: Find her on Facebook.
Most times, a girl’s Tinder profile is not enough to let you know if she is truly worth meeting. Having her on Facebook means that you can get a better grasp of who she really is and what she really looks like.
Max says women often hide their true identity through things like selective photos, or give away their desires by only posting photos of luxury items.
10. Don't move too fast.
Sexual escalation refers to making the girl imagine you as a sexual partner. This does not mean you should talk dirty right away and risk alienating most self-respecting girls. The escalation is done through gradual steps to avoid burning promising leads. Although this strategy is risky, I recommend a minimum of sexual escalation in all interactions because it makes them more fun and paints you as a confident male.
To do this skillfully, you need to apply two steps forward with the ability to take one step back. This way, if you sense that the girl is uncomfortable, you can still recover. Some of these notions have already been explored in previous chapters. Creating a fantasy is a light form of sexual escalation. Saying something very forward, but covering with a smiley, is a good way to escalate sexually while maintaining the ability to take a step back. These, as well as other techniques, are elaborated in this section in progressive order of intensity.
11. Dirty pictures are OK, apparently.
Max describes how he used to think naughty images were only for internet perverts and convicted felons. Then, he writes, he went traveling with another man who regularly sent intimate photos to Tinder matches — apparently to great effect.