Tara is scared to death that her husband Joe is going to leave her. The greater her fear becomes, the more she smothers him with questions and looks through his phone and bank transactions. Ultimately, the more she grasps for clues of his infidelity, the more distance is created between the two of them. Tara's fear gets so intense that the object of her fear becomes true. Sounds familiar, right?
Well, the law of attraction cannot distinguish between what you want and what you don't want, between your desires and your fears. It responds to and ultimately matches whatever it is you give your attention to. So if you are always talking about or thinking about what you don't want, you will unintentionally create or attract that exact experience to you.
In other words, Tara's fear that Joe was going to leave her became so uncomfortable, that she enacted behaviors that ultimately drove the two of them apart. In other words, the law of attraction matched Tara's fear of disconnection with disconnection.
In my own experience, there was a time after my first marriage ended (and before I met my now-husband) that I just wanted to love "someone who wouldn't hurt me." I was so fixated on my fear of getting hurt, that guess what I got? Yep, a handful of men that played with my heart, shut me out of their life, lied, cheated and made me feel incredibly unimportant in their lives. I attracted a heart-full of pain and more tears than I had shed my entire life.
But that's how it works. When you're running down a steep hill and you try to stop suddenly, it doesn't work very well. That's because running downhill creates momentum beyond what you could create on your own. This analogy holds for the law of attraction.
When we give so much mental energy to all the things we don't want, we actually attract the very experience we're trying to avoid. In effect, we conjure negative energy that creates a kind of momentum. This energy, albeit negative, still functions as a magnet, and we attract the very patterns we are thinking about (even if we are thinking about avoiding them).
This all comes down to a simple question: What are you focusing on? Whether framed positively or negatively, your focus will be matched by the law of attraction. When you're petrified that your partner is going to leave, you'll actually unintentionally chase him out the door. When you can't forgive someone that betrayed you, you attract more betrayal. When you are afraid that life is passing you by, it is. And when you spend your energy trying to find someone that won't hurt you, all you seem to find is more pain.
So, here's what to do instead:
- Create a crystal-clear vision for what it is you want in a loving partner and a relationship and how it will feel when you have it.
- Think about your positive vision all the time. Think about it when you wake up in the morning, in the shower, on your way to work and before you go to bed.
- Envision your dream becoming true, clichés aside.
- Be deliberate about what you give your attention to.
- Make sure your thoughts and energy are directed toward adding to the vision of what you want in your life. This is a small, but profound shift.
- Let the certainty and knowing that love is on its way seep into your soul.
- Feel the joy of it rise into your awareness.
Once you're able to create momentum around what it is you do want and desire for yourself, now you're running downhill toward the love you desire and deserve. Now the law of attraction can go to work for you, rather than against you.