Master Your Fear With These 6 Tips

      

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”

- John Lennon

Fear is a normal human reaction that helps to protect us. It alerts and prepares us to deal with approaching danger. When we sense danger the body physically responds by increasing our heart beat, increasing our blood pressure and we also experience rapid breathing. When we are in real danger the body also physically prepares us to do one of two things – To Fight danger or Flee from danger. The body will stay in this state until the brain signals that there is no more danger.

Fear is a good thing to feel.

It sets us up for the adventure and it also prepares us to be cautious. The problem isn’t the fear, the problem is us and our reaction to the feeling of fear. When we are afraid to step out of our comfort zone, to follow our dreams, to confront bullies or to stand in our power, we don’t fight the fear, instead ,we flee or we hide. We don’t use it to excite us, stimulate us, or to move us forward in life. We let fear control our lives and paralyse us. When we are reacting to fear in this way we are choosing to make decisions that are not serving us well. As John Lennon said in his quote, if we are controlled by fear we pull back from life – mediocrity and complacency become acceptable in our lives. The key to overcoming our fears is to learn to love ourselves more – even with our imperfections.

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.”

- Dale Carnegie

I am proud to say that I am pretty close to being Fearless when it comes to me following my dream, stepping out of my comfort zone and dealing with life’s challenges . For many years I had been too fearful to step out, to be courageous and follow my dream. I had made attempts, some were successful and some were not. In my career particularly I could never get to a place in any of my jobs where I was happy. I would take on roles because I felt like I had to, or the money was good, or the job was easy, and as a result I drifted through my career doing the roles I could do rather than doing what I wanted to do.

The turning point for me was last year when I had to face my third redundancy in 18 months. It was then that I decided that I didn’t want to be afraid any more. I chose to face my fears and then I worked out how I was going to manage them. Today as I write this I can honestly say that my big fears no longer mean anything to me – I do however have a few minor ones lurking around. You never really stop being fearful, you just learn how to pro-actively manage your fears so that they enhance, energise and motivate you to action.

The 6 Steps to Mastering Your Fear

“Fear is a habit, so is self pity, defeat, anxiety, despair, hopelessness and resignation. You can eliminate all of these negative habits with two simple resolves: I can and I will.”

- Napoleon Hill

To master my fears I used the advice of  6 Fearless people who knew what they were talking about. Hopefully these 6 tips will help you to master you fears, so that you can live the life you desire.

Before you start reading through these  6 tips please note that Acknowledging your fears is the easy part – mastering your fears is hard work and it is a life long journey.

1. Get comfortable with Fear and invite it into your life.

Do things that frighten you. Take action and face your fears – the more you do this the more confident and stronger you become.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by each experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

- Eleanor Roosevelt

2. Learn that Fear is only in our minds.

Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. We can control our fears – they don’t control us. When you start to feel afraid, acknowledge the fear, feel it and then ask yourself “what is the worst thing that could happen to me if I did it?” Is the worst that could happen as bad as what you imagine it will be? It is ok to feel afraid and scared – it is not ok to let the fear control our minds.

“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.”

- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

3. Get to know your 3 Big Fears.

There are 3 Big Fears which are the source of all your fears. Write your 3 Big Fears down and then put a plan in place on how you will  deal with them one by one until you feel you are in control. You need to know what you are dealing with so that you can take one step at a time.Be realistic about confronting your fears. Its a life long journey so you don’t have to rush it. You just have to keep moving forward in your life.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”

- Judy Blume

4. Focus on the Positives’ in Your Life.

Get yourself a journal and every day for 1 month write down:

• 1 positive thing that happened to you today
• 1 thing you are grateful for in your life today
• 1 good deed that you did today where you helped someone.

At the end of the month read your journal and then write down the top 3 things that month that you feel positive about, the top 3 things that you are grateful for and the top 3 deeds that you have done where you have helped someone. If you can complete that exercise I guarantee you will start to feel more positive and you will also see a more positive picture of your future. Not one bit of fear insight.

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style.”

- Maya Angelou

5. Be prepared for hard times and for failure.

It’s a life long journey managing your fears. Learn from other fearless people about how you can be more resilient and where you can find your courage. Resilience and courage will give you the strength and determination to master your fears.

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”

- Vincent Van Gough

6. Plan to Be Great.

Having a plan of action will mean that you won’t fall into the trap of giving too much time, energy or attention to fear. Be accountable and start to work toward getting results. In your  Plan to be Great you need to be real about yourself and about what action steps you will need to take toward achieving your dreams. You will need  to calculate, minimise and manage the level of risk – this is essential to the success of your plan. The last and the most important thing to be noted in your plan is that you are accountable for celebrating your victories. The past and the present victories need to be recorded in a journal, shared and celebrated. Please don’t forget to Celebrate because if you do forget you will find your fears will start to appear more regularly in your daily thoughts.

Become comfortable with your fears, embrace your fears and start learning how to be a master at managing your fears. Once you manage your fears then you will accomplish feats in your life that you would have thought impossible. You will find that you will be living your greatest and happiest moments when you push through the barriers of fear. Why would you not want to Master Your Fears if you know how great the rewards are?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who am I to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?”

- Marianne Williamson

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/master-your-fear-with-these-6-tips.html

Achieving Your Dream: How to Take the First Step

 

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao-tzu

Do you have a dream deep in your heart that you want to pursue? If you do, have you taken the first step necessary to achieve it? Taking the first step is perhaps the most difficult thing to do in achieving a dream. There are a lot of mental obstacles that make it difficult to take that first step.

Here are some dont’s to help you solve the mental obstacles:

1. Don’t wait until the situation is perfect.
   You should not wait until the situation is perfect because the situation will never be perfect. No matter how or when you see it, there will always be something that make you think again.
2. Don’t wait until other people agree with you.
   Just like you shouldn’t wait for the situation to be perfect, you shouldn’t wait until everybody agrees with your idea. There will always be opposition, and that is perfectly normal. If you wait until there is a consensus, you will never start.
3. Don’t wait until your skill is good.
   We might think that we need to have good skill before we start doing something. But the truth is, you will learn much more by doing than by waiting. Doing allows you to hone your skill much faster than just learning the theory.

As you can see, the three points above have “don’t wait” in them. So here is the bottom line: the best time to start is now.

I learned this in blogging. When I started my blog, I didn’t have the skill to create good content nor to market it properly. But I started blogging anyway. The first months were really tough. After blogging for four months, I got only ten subscribers. Thankfully, the experience taught me a lot. While there is still a lot of room for improvement, I’m now amazed to see what I’ve learned along the way.

Here are some more things you should do to successfully take the first step:

1. Believe in your dream.

Believing in your dream is essential to get the motivation you need to achieve it. You simply can’t fool your own heart. Deep down inside you know whether or not you can believe in your dream. Is the dream worth pursuing? Is it something that you want to pour your heart into?

2. Visualize your dream.

Can you imagine – in detail – how the world will look like when your dream comes true? Visualizing your dream will energize you because you can then see how the world changes for the better and how people live a happier life because of your dream. The energy and excitement is there for you to feel.

3. Expect a hard way ahead.

While it’s not impossible, achieving your dream is definitely not easy. Don’t expect an easy way; expect a hard one instead. Having the right expectations from the beginning will make the journey much easier for you. That way, you won’t be surprised and lose heart when you encounter obstacles along the way.

4. Take one bite at a time.

Your dream may be big (it should be!) and that might make it seem overwhelming. But, like the saying says, “When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.” So take a small portion of it that you can handle. Think about something that you can do within one week, and then think about what you can do today. It could be as simple as calling a more experienced friend to ask some questions.

There is no doubt that you can eat the elephant. But the key is to take the bites early and often.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/achieving-your-dream-how-to-take-the-first-step.html

10 Ways to Instantly Spark a Relationship With Anyone

The secret of success in business and in life is to build strong relationships with others. The faster you build them, the more success you will find.

Success in business--and in life--is all about building relationships and trust. When you're in business, the more quickly you can build a positive relationship with potential customers, and with the people who work with and for you, the more successful you will be.

In her book Nothing But the Truth, body language expert Maryann Karinch reveals what to keep in mind most when building the kind of rapport and trust that sparks relationships. Says Karinch, "Everyone has needs, doubts, and insecurities. That is the first concept you need to embrace in honing your skills of rapport-building. The process of establishing a connection to another person to gain trust--and truth--centers on showing respect as you address his or her needs, doubts, and insecurities."

Karinch goes on to describe 10 powerful rapport-building techniques taught by her colleague Lena Sisco. These 10 techniques include:

1. Smile with your eyes

A smile is a powerful thing. It builds trust with others and releases neurotransmitters like endorphins, dopamine, and mood-enhancing serotonin that make people feel good. Giving a genuine smile to someone you've just met is a great way to quickly build a positive relationship.

2. Use touch carefully

Research shows that people like other people who briefly touch them during an interaction. A brief and gentle touch on the arm suggests warmth and is a physical reminder of the relationship that you are building with the other person. Be careful not to overdo it, however, and keep in mind that touch is not considered to be appropriate in certain cultures.

3. Share something with the person about yourself

When you share something of yourself with someone you've just met, the other person will be encouraged to do the same--opening up a dialogue and conversation that can lead to a positive relationship.

4. Mirror the other person

According to researchers, people like people who they think are like them. When you subtly mirror the actions of others (such as using an arm position that is similar, or leaning in the same direction), you quickly build rapport. Again, don't overdo it.

5. Treat everyone with respect

Everyone wants to be treated with respect. Treat others the way you want to be treated by them.

6. Reinforce trust with your body language

To quickly spark a relationship with someone else, you want your body to send the message, "I'm open to you, and I trust you." You can do this by opening three power zones on your body: the nape of your neck, your navel, and your crotch. Do not cover these with your hands or block them with any part of your body.

7. Suspend your ego

Remember: It's not all about you. Be interested in what someone else is saying to you, and allow them to educate you.

8. Flatter and praise

When you compliment others, you energize them and make them feel good--about themselves, and about you. Don't go overboard, however. People know when they are being buttered up.

9. Take your time to listen

Be an active listener, and be sure that distractions such as smartphones and other people don't get in the way of your conversation. Also be sure that your body language projects interest in the other person by leaning in to the conversation, and nodding your head from time to time in understanding and agreement.

10. Get your subject talking and moving

Ask open-ended questions that require the other person to provide a long and detailed response, not questions that can be answered with a simple "Yes" or "No." Start your questions with who, what, when, where, how, and why. And if you can get the other person moving with you--say, by going for a walk through your offices, or joining you for a cup of coffee outside your building--that is even better. Doing so will strengthen the bond between you.

http://www.inc.com/peter-economy/10-ways-to-quickly-spark-a-relationship-with-anyone.html?cid=sf01002

5 Simple Steps to Elevate Your Life

I know what it’s like to think that the lifestyle you want is out of reach. Just over 12 years ago, I would lie on my bed in my tiny 400-square-foot studio apartment and flip through magazines, wishing I could have the luxurious lifestyles I read about.

Despite that negative, nagging voice in my head that reminded me I could barely afford rent, I’m now living a beautiful life I created for myself from scratch. Instead of moping around an apartment I can barely afford, I now have the means to travel and to inspire others.

How’d I do it? By deciding not to settle for being average and thinking BIG.

Changing your mindset can be a challenge, but the rewards are well worth the cost. Here’s how you can get started…

1. Eliminate negativity. This includes negative self-talk, too. Why would the universe bring you a better life if you don’t appreciate what you already have? Show gratitude for everything in your life now. Those seemingly bad days happen for a reason, so whenever you find yourself thinking, “I can’t do this” or “that’s impossible,” reframe it as the opposite. “I can do that, that is possible…” You owe it to yourself to give yourself the love and support you need to succeed.


2. Document your dreams. I wanted to manifest a new house, so I listed all of the qualities in my dream home: a 3-car garage, workout room, walk-in closets… (Don’t censor yourself! Anything is possible, even if it seems silly now.) I also bought some real estate magazines, cut out pictures of homes I love, and created a collage. I’m constantly updating my “dream board,” which is now proudly displayed in my dream house!


3. Surround yourself ONLY with supportive people. I only shared my house dream with friends and family I knew would support my decision. (NOT those prone to phrases like “Are you crazy? Who do you think you are? Ms. Trump?”) Your true friends and family will be happy to share in your dream. If you don’t have anyone else to support you, then it’s time to make new friends—join a local networking group or a mastermind.


4. Decide, believe, and watch for clues. It’s not enough to make a decision to work towards your dreams. You must also truly believe in them! Don’t worry about HOW your dreams will manifest themselves. Watch for clues, and the HOW will find you, perhaps in the form of a new business partner or a new client. But remember that the dream comes before the HOW.


5. ACT on opportunities when they appear. Action involves risk. You might have to hire more people to help with a new client. You’ll need time to research that prospective business partner. Or figure out how to hire that amazing new mentor. But it’s up to YOU to take action when the path is revealed. The universe is supporting you, and each step will bring you closer to your dreams.

http://alibrown.com/2013/06/06/5-simple-steps-to-elevate-your-life-2/

How to Change Your Mindset From Employee to Entrepreneur

So you want to be an entrepreneur, huh? Do you know what the definition of entrepreneur is?

Webster's definition is, "a person or persons who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so". The word 'entrepreneur' is an early 19th century French term meaning to 'undertake'. Another translation defines entrepreneur as "a person who organizes and manages any enterprise, especially a business, usually with considerable initiative and risk".

Employee vs Independent Contractor

If you are currently a W2 employee and work for another company do you know what distinguishes you from a 1099 indenpendent contractor? The difference is "control". If you work for another company, person, institution, etc., if they pay you then they control you. Control is defined as "to exercise restraint or direction over".

If you are seeking a better way of life and in control of your destination the biggest challenge you will face is YOU. You see, most people are a product of their environment. You were given direction as a child, provided for and told to get a job. You trade your time for money. That is just the way the world operates for the most part.

So, to change from the way the majority of the world operates, we must first change YOU. If you change the way you think, you can change YOU. Here's how do it.

1 - Make a Firm Decision. The first step in any substantial change is making a firm decision. A firm decision is not just any decision. When I say firm, I mean that in the face of challenges, obstacles and occassional setbacks you will not waiver. Put your blinders on, stay focused on that decision and move forward. You will make mistakes but continue to move toward where you want to go.

2 - Have a Plan. The 'ole saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" holds true in today's world. Having a plan doesn't necessarily mean having a perfect plan. After all, how would you know its perfect anyway. A plan is an act yet to be carried out. So have a plan, expect to learn and tweak as you go, but take action. A plan without action is a dream.

3 - Find a Mentor. It's imperative that you find a mentor you can learn from. You may already have one. Your mentor could be a parent, a colleague, a friend, a business acquaintance, etc. But make sure you find a mentor. A mentor is a Greek word and the noun is defined as, "A wise and trusted counselor or teacher".

Depending on the niche industry you are seeking to get involved in, I would find out who the most influential or biggest player is in that industry and learn from them. In the internet world, there are several reliable, honest, trusted mentors online today.

4 - Believe in Yourself. When you begin your entrepreneur quest, you will face opposition. That opposition will come from friends, family, co-workers, etc. But if you decision is firm enough in step 1, don't let the naysayers dissuade you. Follow your dreams.

5 - Test, Test, Test. As mentioned earlier you will face obstacles. Learn from them, tweak your processess and procedures as necessary, and keep plowing forward (Remember Edison and his 10,000 tries to make light?).

6 - Never Give Up. With a firm decision and never give up attitude you will get there. Don't give upFree Reprint Articles, don't ever give up.

Your mindset will change as you continue to earn for yourself. You will no longer be dependent on that former employer. You learn to depend on YOU.

http://www.articlesfactory.com/articles/self-help/how-to-change-your-mindset-from-employee-to-entrepreneur.html

How To Change Your Life By Taking Action

Is there a secret to happiness? Is it possible to find real peace in a world of dark negative energy illustrated in what we hear and see happening around us? Where do we go to find something positive? Before we can find positive we must want to look for it. Being aware of a problem is the first step to solving it. When we focus on the solution, we can draw the solution to us.

Ed crawled out of bed after another sleepless night, feeling tired and distraught. He had breakfast, turned on his radio to listen to his favorite talk show as he sat down with his computer to check the status of his bank account. It was time for his disability check. Looking at his bank balance drained him of even more energy.

He wanted to change his life, but nothing really proved fruitful for him. Ed attended church every Sunday and led the Worship Service. He spent much of his time driving people to doctor's appointments. Yet, he felt no sense of purpose.

His one frequent comment to his friends was "its humiliating to have to get food from a food bank." Ed's social security check was about seven hundred fifty dollars a month and included medical and housing assistance.

He enjoyed social networking on-line, and enrolled in several internet business programs. Nothing worked because his deep-rooted fear held him back from earning money. He didn't want to lose government benefits. Fear kept Ed from fulfilling his dream of travelling and enjoying life.

Each morning as he listened to the talk show host explain free enterprise and entrepreneurship, his thinking shifted about living his life differently. He began researching how to earn money and become self-sufficient. Within a few weeks Ed enrolled in truck driving school. He found a way to travel the United States and earn a good income

After graduation he immediately found a good job with a large trucking company making four thousand dollars a month with benefits. Ed continued to listen to the talk radio show host while on the road. After pulling into a truck stop for lunch, he called the talk show host to thank him for the help with turning his life around. He was now a giver to society instead of a taker from society.

The pride of ownership of his life and the enthusiasm for a new future was clear in Ed's voice. The education wasn't about social security disability or poverty. Ed learned from the host to take action and overcome fear.

The talk show host asked Ed how he felt about losing his government entitlements. Ed replied, "I am making four thousand dollars a month with benefits, the government can keep the money."

Overcoming fear is action versus reaction. We react when we are fearful. When we are empowered we act. We then can find the happiness and fulfilment we want.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Change-Your-Life-By-Taking-Action&id=8919386

Four Fun And Quick Brain Teasers To Test Your Cognitive Skills...And Your Cognitive Biases

If you have a few minutes, please try these brain teasers.

First please consider Linda, a 31-year-old woman, single and bright. When she was a student, in high school and in college too, she was deeply involved in social justice issues, and also participated in environmental protests.

Which is more probable about Linda's occupation today?

a) Linda works as a TV reporter;

b) Linda is a bank teller;

c) Linda is a bank teller, and she's very active in the environmental movement.

Quick, what's your answer?

a) or b) or c)?And, in what precise order?.

Here's the solution:

First, ignore how you ranked a), as it is irrelevant to this mind game.

The key is this: If you ranked c) as more probable than b), you are wrong...and in very good company.

That's what most people tend to answer the first time they face this particular brain teaser, and it reflects a very pervasive cognitive bias, technically called a "conjunction fallacy."

Statistically speaking, it is more probable that Linda is a bank teller, which is a whole category, that she is both a bank teller AND also active in the environmental movement, which is a subset of the whole category of all bank tellers.

Correct?

Here you are a few more fun and quick brain teasers to exercise your mind.

Try to GUESS the answers to the questions below based on your own approach.

The goal is not to find out (or Google) the right answer, but to identify the logical approach that will help "guesstimate" an appropriate range, say + or - 30% of the actual answer, and then to complete the calculations (ideally mentally, but you can also take notes) to provide an estimate.

Ready. Set. Go!

Brain teaser questions:

1) How many times heavier than a mouse is an elephant?.

2) How many firefighters are there in San Francisco?.

3) How many trees are there in NYC's Central Park?

Again, the key here is to exercise your brain and cognitive skills, to plan the steps towards the solution, and then to do the mental calculations to find a reasonable range. The goal is not to find the precise correct answer.

Here are the solutions.

1) Around 150,000. An average elephant weighs 4,000 kg on average; an average mouse 25 grams.

2) Around 350 firefighters on duty on any given day, out of a pool of 1700 firefighting overall staff.

3) There are over 26,000 trees (of approximately 175 species) in the Park.

How close did you come?

http://www.articlesfactory.com/articles/self-help/four-fun-and-quick-brain-teasers-to-test-your-cognitive-skillsand-your-cognitive-biases.html

The Two Qualities Everyone Needs in a Partner

Without them, research shows, commitment may be too risky

Have you been told you’re too picky? Those were the words that launched a thousand chocolate-bar wrappers when I was searching for a mate. Some told me I would never find what I wanted; I needed to settle, or I’d be single forever.

Yet in my experience, most people’s standards aren’t too high; they’re too low.

If I had to summarize over 60 years of excellent relationship research in just one sentence, that sentence would be: If you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your relationship will probably work; and if you can’t, it won’t.

In practical terms, this means no haters. Research clearly shows that relationships can’t survive happily without kindness. Kindness sets down deep roots to keep love alive even when winter comes; but every season is bleak without it.

Kind people treat others well regardless of what type of day they are having, or whether they’re falling behind at work, etc. They don’t need an excuse to be kind, and they don’t take bad times as excuses not to be. They are kind as a matter of course, because it is part of their ethical or moral code to be that way—not because they are feeling good at that moment, and not because other people do or don’t make them happy. For them, kindness is a lifestyle, a way of being.

They avoid being mean-spirited even when they are interacting with people they don’t necessarily like or agree with. They might disagree agreeably, or choose to set boundaries so they’re not around those folks too often; but when they must be in their presence, kind people are careful, not cruel. Successful relationships require a lot of self-control, and kind people practice it. 

Embracing these two standards also means no chronic criticizers. Again, decades of research underscore that getting and giving basic respect is a necessity, not a nicety. Respect can create love where there was none, but habitual character assassination will eventually kill even the most fervent romance.

As with kindness, you should look for and require a partner who is respectful toward everyone—not just you. Such people affirm others’ worth in words and deeds even when things don’t go their way. They speak well of others, and when that’s not possible, they either say nothing, or speak their truth without hate.

What does this look like? Here are two examples from my own search:

When I was dating on-line, I sometimes met men who were an amazingly good match—on pixels. "Dennis" (not his real name) was one. We shared the same faith, politics, and interests. We both enjoyed reading and writing. We even lived near one another, and were single-parenting. I thought he was charming online, so when he suggested we meet for coffee, I was excited.

We pulled our chairs up to the table, and I did something I teach my clients: I looked him in the eye, smiled, leaned towards him, and asked open-ended questions. “What are your girls up to today? How’s the single-parenting gig going?”

What he shot back shocked me. I can’t even quote you what he said, because I have tried to blot it from memory. But it amounted to a very long story of how much he hated his ex-wife, what a horrendous person and parent she was, what a hero he was for allowing her to continue breathing oxygen…The sarcasm, contempt, and anger made me feel like running for my life. The chip on his shoulder grew into a boulder before my very eyes. Stunned, and wondering if his wounds were fresh, I asked, “Wow, it sounds like you’ve had an awful time trying to parent with her. How long ago was the divorce?”

Ten years.

I never saw Dennis again—by design. His behavior was extremely disrespectful to the mother of his children. He was not kind to her memory, nor was he making an effort to be. He was consumed by anger and a desire for revenge, and his hate was ruining his life—and made mine miserable even for the hour we spent together.

But had he been speaking of a stranger, the disrespect would still have been a deal-breaker. 

Contrast that with my first lengthy talk with Vic: “So, you divorced not too long ago. How were things before? What’s your relationship like with your ex now?” I will never forget his response: “We’ve had our troubles, and the divorce was really hard. But in our child’s interest, we’ve been able to put a lot of our differences aside. I think we’re moving towards a good working relationship.”

I later learned that they’d had an awful divorce, with over a decade of pain beforehand. And the only way they found peace afterwards was by interacting as little as possible. But those interactions were, as a rule, respectful. And Vic’s response to my question was kind and respectful—not just to me, but to his ex.

I was impressed then. And I still am—we are married.

The upshot? If you can be kind and respectful, it is reasonable to expect to find someone else who can be, too. The world is brim-full with good people like you. Time to find one.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-proof/201412/the-two-qualities-everyone-needs-in-partner

How To Attract The Right People Into Your Life

As a business owner, I’m constantly looking to attract the right clients to my practice. As a friend and a lover, I’m constantly looking to attract soul mates into my life.

Turns out, these two aren’t that far off. In fact, when I started making changes to my life, both categories seemed to fall into place at exactly the same time.

Whether love life, business, or friendship — attraction follows pretty much the same rules. And they might not be what you think.

Ready to finally start attracting the right people into your life? Follow these five tips:

1. Get clear on who you are, not who you’re told to be.

So often, our desires are a lot more aligned with society’s expectations than with what we really want. Is a good-looking guy or gal really your top priority? What about a sense of humor? Do you really want to work around the clock for that rich client? Or would a relaxed atmosphere with a little less money work for you?

2. Picture your ideal, and be specific.

You can’t get what you want if you don’t know what it is in the first place. Start thinking about the exact person you want to attract into your business or your life. Remember, you're the only one setting the rules here, so the sky’s the limit. Be specific on everything from their secret passions to their inner fears. When you know what you’re looking for, you’re a lot more likely to find it.

3. Get really good at repelling people.

The most common barrier to attracting people into your business or life is trying to please everyone. If you’re keeping everyone happy, then you’re not being special to anyone. When you are authentically yourself, some people are inevitably going to be repelled. And that’s a good thing. Once you start sending away the wrong fits, you’re making room for the right ones to come in.

4. Let yourself be found.

Think of it this way: You’re a lighthouse calling the ships in. If you don’t shine your light bright enough, no one’s going to be able to find you. So put yourself out there. Place yourself in situations where you can be found. Introduce yourself to everyone. Be as much of yourself as you possible when you first meet. Give the right people a chance to find you.

5. Be open to whatever comes along.

At the end of the day, business or love might not come in the form that we expected. But that doesn’t mean that it’s a bad fit. If you’re putting yourself out there authentically, watch who starts coming into your life. Sometimes who we are attracting can teach us a lot about ourselves that we didn’t know. And it might be a better fit than we expected.

At this exact moment, there's at least one person out there looking for exactly what you are. Whether it's a client, lover, or just a friend — somebody is trying to find you.

So give them a chance. Put yourself out there. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Be authentic. Don’t just be another carbon copy of someone else. Show people exactly who you are, so the right fits can find you.

When you open up and put yourself out there authentically, you don’t have to wait six months to find out something isn’t a fit. You’ll create a business you’re proud of and a life you’ll love right now.

And that already sounds attractive, doesn't it?

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-13128/how-to-attract-the-right-people-into-your-life.html

5 Mind-Blowing Lessons From the Most Popular TED Talks of All Time

The 20 most popular TED talks ever are likely to make you question just about everything.

What does it take to be happy? How do you motivate the people who work for you to do their best? How do you know what is and isn't real in the world around you?

You may think you know the answers to all these questions, but watching the 20 most popular Ted Talks of all time will likely change your mind. With speakers like Bill Gates and Sting to choose from, some of the highest standards anywhere, and a proven method for mining the best and most insightful information any speaker can share, by the time a talk is published on the TED website, it's always worth watching and almost always brilliant.

Just how great does a talk have to be to shine in that high-level group? Take a look at these talks and you'll know. They are not only entertaining and thought-provoking, but will likely make you rethink many of your assumptions. Here are just a few beliefs that these talks may unsettle:

1. Getting what we want will make us happy.

Not by a long shot. After explaining how making his younger sister think she was a unicorn kept her sister from feeling pain after a fall, psychologist Shawn Achor explains how the external facts of our lives account for very little of our actual happiness. And Harvard psychologist, Dan Gilbert shows us how we can be happy even when everything goes wrong.

2. The best leaders create great incentives.

You might think that figuring out how to give employees the rewards and accomplishments they're looking for would be the best way to create an effective organization. In fact, leadership expert Simon Sinek and the legendary Tony Robbins each explain in different ways that answering the question "Why?" is infinitely more powerful.

3. Some people are more creative than others.

And you need those people on your team, right? It turns out that employees' creativity has everything to do with how you motivate them--and the traditional forms of motivation are dead wrong, according to career analyst Dan Pink. Not only that, Eat, Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert makes the case that, rather than a few people "being" geniuses, all of us "have" genius within us.

4. Power equals strength.

Actually, the happiest, most joyful, and most fulfilled people are those who are willing to let their worst weaknesses show, argues social researcher Bren Brown. Not only that, but power is largely a matter of your own perception. And--surprisingly--you can change that perception simply by altering the ways you sit, stand, and move, explains social psychologist Amy Cuddy.

5. The world is as we see it.

Or maybe not. Underwear model Cameron Russell does a quick change onstage and reveals a lot about how the images we see in magazines and in the media bear little or no resemblance to the human beings being photographed. Brain magician Keith Barry shows us how easily we can manipulate our own perceptions. And in an incredibly moving talk, brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor experiences a stroke and gets to find out first-hand how the right side of our brains perceive the world.

http://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/5-mind-blowing-lessons-from-the-most-popular-ted-talks-of-all-time.html

5 Reasons You're Doing Better Than You Think

If you rate yourself on these measures, you won't have a chance.

If you were going to install new flooring in your home, would you determine how much material to order by measuring the size of the room with a random stick? Probably not. Hopefully, you’d use a tape measure that would accurately help you calculate the dimensions. Yet, when it comes to measuring self-worth, many people use something just as unreliable as that random stick.

We all use some sort of measuring stick to determine our value as a human being. When we feel like we’re measuring up, we feel better about ourselves. When we feel like we’ve fallen short, our self-esteem can plummet.

Despite the fact that our particular measuring stick has so much influence over how we feel about ourselves, most people aren’t even conscious of what they’re using to determine their self-worth. But they are conscious of the fluctuations they experience in how they feel about themselves.

Here are 5 common—yet potentially hazardous—ways people measure their self-worth:

1. Who You’re With

There are a few different ways that people depend on others to give them value. While one person may think her worth depends on how much praise she receives from others, someone else may only feel good about himself when he’s in a relationship.

At other times, individuals feel worthy by surrounding themselves with important people. Rubbing shoulders with celebrities or “movers and shakers” fuels their self-importance. A busy social calendar and a lengthy list of personal contacts helps them feel valuable.

Making your self-worth dependent upon others, however, is chasing a moving target. You can’t control other people and you can’t please everyone all the time. If you base your self-worth entirely upon how others perceive you, you’ll never be able to receive enough praise or positive reinforcement to feel good about yourself.

2. What You Do

A career helps many people feel valued. Some people are quick to say something like, “I’m the co-founder of my own firm,” or “I’m a lawyer in private practice” not because it’s what they do—but because it’s who they are. Their career reinforces to them that they’re “somebody.”

Basing your self-worth on your job title, though, is a big risk. A health problem, economic downturn, or unexpected shift in the market may disrupt your career and lead to a major identity crisis. Even a planned retirement could wreak havoc on your self-worth if your identity is tied to your title. In the absence of a high-profile career, you won’t be able to feel good about yourself if you’ve always measured your self-worth by what you do.

3. How Much You Have

We’ve all met people who measure their self-worth by the size of their bank accounts. Sometimes people feel like they just can’t acquire enough wealth to be “valuable enough.” In a desperate attempt to prove their worth, they create a façade of wealth by going deep into debt in hopes a luxury car or beautiful home will help them feel good about themselves.

While it makes sense to place a monetary value on goods and services, it doesn’t make sense to use money to determine your value as a human being. The amount you earn, or the possessions you own, will never be enough to satisfy your need to feel worthy.

4. What You Achieve

Sometimes people want to be known solely for their accomplishments. That person who always brags about her latest business venture may only feel good about herself when she is talking about her accomplishments. Or that person who just can’t stop beating himself up about that time that he failed might struggle to move on because that single incident crushed his self-worth.

It’s normal for your accomplishments to make you feel good, but basing your entire self-worth on your achievements is building your house on an unsteady foundation. You’ll need to experience repeated success in order to keep feeling good about yourself—and that’s hard to maintain over the long haul. When your entire self-worth depends on your achievements, you’ll start to avoid doing things at which you could fail.

5. How You Look

While some people measure their self-worth by the numbers on a scale, others determine their value based on their ability to attract attention with their appearance. Celebrity media can fuel the notion that “you’re only as good as you look.” Marketing strategies frequently target our insecurities about everything from ageing to weight gain.

If you were fortunate enough to be blessed with good looks, your beauty may serve as an advantage in life. But a handsome face or beautiful body won’t last forever. Wrinkles, middle-age spread, gray hair, or a receding hairline can be catastrophic for someone whose self-worth depends on their appearance.

Feeling Good About Who You Are

The way you choose to measure your worth as a person is a major factor in the choices you make, the thoughts you have about life, and the way you feel about yourself. Know what measuring stick you’re using to determine your value and measure your self-worth based on factors you can control—not external events.

When you know who you are—and you’re pleased with the person you’ve become—you’ll maintain a sense of peace throughout life’s inevitable ups and downs. Rather than experience major fluctuations in how you feel about yourself based on your latest success or most recent failure, you’ll believe in yourself regardless.

Measure your self-worth by who you are at your core. Doing so will help you focus on behaving according to your values, instead of chasing things that will only temporarily boost your self-esteem.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201502/5-reasons-youre-doing-better-you-think