There is an entire industry that focuses on people's inability to control their anger. Some people do need therapy to deal with these issues and that cannot be ignored. However for most of us simply finding the source of that anger and then choosing to take action on dealing with the source will be enough to make a difference in our life.
I am confident in saying that the source of your anger is usually not the external factors you believe it is but you. You are the source. That is what we are going to explore today - how you are creating your own anger.
Control
You see I believe that all emotions can be controlled. We choose what to laugh at, cry at and be inspired by. Anger is no different in the fact if we get angry it is because we consciously chose to be angry. In most cases no one forced us to yell, pound our fists, flip off the guy in traffic or storm out of the room.
Getting angry over things we cannot control or believe could happen but haven't is detrimental to our happiness. A lot of anger comes from a place of feeling like we should be able to control something we can't. This is such a waste of our time and energy. Try to let go of the things that make you angry that you have no control over.
This includes the traffic, the weather, the news, Bob at the office or the anger you feel anticipating that something might go wrong. Anger is usually something you are a manifesting inside long before anything actually happens. Let's use traffic as an example of an uncontrollable.
Before you even leave the house you are angry at how traffic is going to be. Why do we get angry at the traffic? How does it make sense to be in our car giving it to the traffic people whoever they are and wherever they are? They can't hear you! What a waste of precious energy. Why not look at traffic as the mini vacation it can be. Listen to a personal development audio CD, comedy or whatever but you have the choice to make it what it is.
You have the power to change how you look at life which in turns changes how you live that life.
All those little things that bug you at the end of the day are just all you. You cannot change those things in life but you can seek to improve your outlook on them. Do you know who is really bugging you? Yourself and that little voice inside you that is telling you to be angry.
The Little Voice
Let's quickly examine this little voice just to be clear on how it plays a part in our anger. Is your voice saying you should be mad because...
- You don't make enough money
- You don't have the career you deserve
- You don't have the body you want
- Your boss doesn't appreciate or understand you
- People don't treat you right
The list can go on forever but I am here to let you know that you control what that voice is saying. The little voice wants to blame everyone else for why you feel angry and take no responsibility. Stop blaming everyone else for what you don't have and see if it shifts the way you look at things.
At the end of the day everything we have is a direct reflection of the effort we were willing to put into it. Maybe you are angry that you know you could try harder but just don't. I can't be angry at myself for not being a millionaire if I don't want to put in the time and effort to become one. Maybe I will just be mad at the universe for not handing me the money. Ya right!
Positive Anger
How can something as negative feeling as anger have any positive attributes? Well the fact is anger is not always a bad feeling to have if you use it to create a positive outcome. We assert ourselves better with a hint of anger but become aggressive when we let anger control us.
Turn your anger into something positive that helps other people. If you take a look at how a lot of change is created in the world it can usually be traced back to someone choosing to be upset by an event in their life. If it wasn't for those people feeling a need to take action on that anger vs. dwell on it we may not have people who work toward world peace, a green earth, join protective services or combat cruelty to animals.
Using your anger to take action in a positive way is the best method for dealing with that anger.
If you are not looking to change the world you can also exercise, exercise and then exercise some more to combat the effects of anger. Once you become fully self-aware as to why you are angry you will handle it better in the moment but until then you need an outlet for all that anger.
This is especially true if you used to be physically active all the time and are not as much anymore. People do not realize the benefit the regular exercise was giving them because they never attributed exercise to reducing their anger.
Find something you love like running, yoga, martial arts or whatever you find gives you that release. Your body will not only benefit physically but your emotional health will shoot through the roof. If you are going to choose to let things anger you then you might as well benefit from it.
Simply by adding back in the type of exercise you used to love to do you may find some of that anger disappears. Who knows you may discover that the reason you were angry with yourself is because you had given up a physical activity you loved in the first place. You most likely will discover what you are blaming for "making" you give it up.
Acceptance
First ask yourself are you angry at the fact you feel angry? The angrier you feel the angrier you get. This is like adding gas to a fire expecting it to go out. Now is the time to forgive yourself for feeling angry, for the outbursts and the needless hurt you have caused others. Holding onto this will not allow you to make progress.
Accept the fact you are angry and that you are responsible for your anger. That may make some of you defensive and it is not meant to. I want you to feel a surge of personal power instead now that you realize you are the master and commander of your anger.
By acknowledging that yes you are angry with yourself for something you wish you would have done or something you did that you wished you hadn't you can be at peace with it and start fresh. You will never deal with your anger by avoiding admitting you are angry.
Do not be ashamed that you are angry because out of that feeling you will become afraid to fully express your emotions in any way. Even when you have mastered your emotions you will still feel anger sometimes but it will come out as positive self-assertiveness not as a self-destructive behaviour like yelling or overeating.
Accept yourself for what you are right now and move forward.
The Internal Source of Your Anger
I will be so bold as to say almost all of our anger has nothing to do with what is going on around us and everything to do with what is going on inside of us. We are usually angry at ourselves for something. Blame your lack of money on your career all you want but realize that it is you who wakes up each day to go to that career. No one is forcing you but you.
But Darrin, what about the bills, my family and my obligations? Yes we all have those but that doesn't mean you have to be unhappy to fulfill them. If you are unhappy with an area of life get to changing it. This may involve you leaving your comfort zone, taking on new skills and becoming someone you don't believe you are capable of becoming. I believe you can.
It can be difficult to break out of being routinely angry but I want you to see it for the routine it is. If you wake up feeling angry before anything has even happened to you yet then you need to discover the internal source of that anger. You are preplanning being angry.
We all tend to apply all of our past feelings to situations and always want to believe we already know what will happen so we can justify your anger. Just because it happened yesterday doesn't mean it will happen today. Even if it does that doesn't mean you have to react the same.
You never give yourself the opportunity for those situations not to happen or to deal with them in a different way by starting your day angry. Even waking up tomorrow choosing to only plan on reacting to everything in a positive way is a good first step to take.
What you have is the responsibility to not let others anger you through their actions. You are most likely angrier at yourself for letting them make you feel that way vs. their actual act of angering, you intentional or not.
We are angry at ourselves for letting other people control how we feel.
Wake up each day and treat it exactly like it is - a new day. Free of the past and only full of the future you choose to create. What would a day without anger feel like to you?
Today we explored how the main sources of anger could be:
- You have given up something you loved doing; you believe you should be something more than you are, you are trying to control the things in life you have no control over and you are letting others control your emotions.
There could be others so keep digging deeper until you find the source of your anger. It could end up being one main source that has controlled all of your anger. You never know until you take the time to do the work.
The only feelings we feel are the one's we allow others to make us feel. Realizing you have that type of control means you can consciously choose your life.
Take Action Request:
As you can see this is one of the more lengthy posts I have written and this take action request will be more in depth also. If you struggle with anger please take the time to do this.
Get out your journal and write down everything that makes you angry right from the career you hate down to the fact your wife puts her socks on left foot first. Every little thing you can imagine that you know rubs you the wrong way. Now with that do the following:
- Ask yourself why that particular thing makes you angry
- Then ask yourself why exactly that particular answer makes you angry
- Then keep going until the last answer sounds like "The reason I am angry is because I... " this is where you find the source of your anger and can acknowledge and take responsibility for it.
What I hope you discover is how you are choosing to let those things anger you. This exercise should also help you come to the realization at how silly some of the things are that you get mad at and really is just a matter of letting go.
Your Life Your Choice Your Design
"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him." - Louis L'Amour
https://ezinearticles.com/?Using-Personal-Development-To-Discover-The-Source-Of-Your-Anger&id=7693923
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