Lessons Learnt: Group Conflicts

Group of People Sitting Indoors

Being in a group situation means that you will need to know something about dealing with conflicts. I haven't been in a group that worked smoothly all the time. The reasons for tensions are varied as the people involved. Following are lessons that I have learn working in teams:

1. Clearly defined procedures: these include how to communicate and what the due process is in case of conflict, how often will the group meet, roles and description of each role. This is a "go to" manual when needed. To start any project/program without this is setting the group on a confused path.

2. Good leader:preferably with mediation skills. Someone who the team trusts to be impartial and who is a good listener. It is the leader's role to keep events on track. It is not always easy to find all of these traits in one individual so I have seen different group members assigned these roles. As long as all the members know who the go-to person is disagreements will be handled effectively.

3. Transparency is the key to project success: keep the channels of communication open and make information available to all group members. Periodically communicating the team's progress to all stakeholders helps in maintaining good relationships. I have tried getting a tie broken by putting the issue to vote by all members of the group. Methods of implementing transparency can range from sending messages to all members on all topics (be prepared to have a separate mailbox for this!) or starting each meeting with a "check in" where each group member talks about whatever's on their mind.

4. "Don't take it personally": I cannot tell you how many times I have said to myself and it always gets me out of impulsive reaction to someone hurtful, insulting comment. When I didn't say this to myself, I used to respond with anger and blurt out what's on my mind at that point in time. But slowly I realized it doesn't help the matter. Through mental counting, deep breathing, I have got a handle over my anger. This leads me to next suggestion, learn to de-stress.

5. Take a Break! Work is important but so is life. Take a break to do what you love. In my case it is to create, write or dance. I am not one to hit the treadmill, but I can dance up a storm be it in Zumba or Mumbo. Figure out a way to take your mind off the problem at hand, so that you can approach it with a fresh mind the next day. I like to combine this period with exercise as the endorphins released during activity will make me happy and sleep peacefully. Journaling can help you clear up your thoughts, maybe even put things in perspective. My favorite things to write in my diary is "Major Achievements for Today". It could be as simple as cooking a new dish.

There is no magic bullet to dealing with conflict but these steps have worked in making me more well balanced in my views. After all, isn't dealing with conflict all about how we perceive and respond to it? I would love to hear your experiences of conflicts and what worked for you!


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