There Are Many Ways You Can Help

You often hear people say that their goal in life is to help others. It's almost a default setting for some people, which can be viewed cynically when used by contestants such as those on reality TV shows or in beauty pageants. That vacuous, 'I want to help the world' doesn't always sound as sincere as it might!

And yet there are a variety of ways in which we can genuinely and appropriately help people. Let's consider some of them.

- Offering helpful advice to someone in crisis isn't always a good move. Saying, 'you should', 'you ought' or 'you must' may be tempting and feel like the logical next step after a long, heartfelt discussion. But often those words merely add to the recipient's existing stress levels. None of us can truly appreciate another person's feelings, needs or investment in a particular relationship or situation.

Far better is to offer help by suggesting they investigate what their available options are, establish some facts and find out what stepping-stones might next be required. If you know a good lawyer, financial adviser, therapist, letting agent or professional who's in a position to provide expert guidance then those recommendations can be invaluable and help them to move on.

- Ask, 'what do you need from me?' Firm advice can feel like additional pressure with even encouragement to take a break or say 'no' adding to the stress, anxiety or guilt they're already experiencing. Instead listen rather than speak. When asked people will often freely volunteer what they need. It may be as simple as reassurance that there's someone who will listen to them, go for a coffee or touch base from time to time. Small gestures can provide lots of support.

- Stories can be a great source of comfort. Apocryphal or not, stories often deliver messages, hope and insights far beyond other, less subtle teaching styles. They often have redemptive qualities, showing triumph over adversity, lessons learned along the way and how recovery came about. Relevant stories can educate and inspire.

- Money. With so many people struggling financially money is often a delicate and worrisome cause for concern. Offering to pay for someone can occasionally be handled tactfully with an, 'I've had a good week' or 'my bonus cheque's come through', but paying regularly is not a constructive way to help someone long-term. In fact, over time both the payer and the recipient may become dissatisfied and even resentful at the subtle change in the relationship's dynamic.

Far better is to arrange events and meet ups that more evenly accommodate everyone's financial status. Getting together for a walk, a coffee or free exhibition can be fun. Meals out could be at someone's house or early doors or lunch instead of dinner.

- Giving time is another of the many ways you can help someone. A phone call can make an enormous difference when someone's feeling lonely or alone. Make a brew, pull up a comfortable chair and settle down for a friendly chat. Dedicating time lets them know that you really care. Or turn up with a beautifully iced cake, a casserole, something you've seen that would be of interest to them. Little touches show you've been thinking of them and can mean a lot.

- Practical help can often be the best kind of support. Many people are pushed for time with work, children, family and a myriad of other demands and obligations weighing heavily on their shoulders. Offering to pick up the children and maybe feed them after school, or babysit so they can have a sociable evening out may be the very best kind of help. Perhaps they need help to get started de-cluttering their house, to sort out the garden, revamp their image.

All could be gently supportive ways of helping someone get back on their feet, especially if they've been feeling overwhelmed at the size of the task or are unsure as to where to start.

We may feel that we're familiar with a particular situation, know someone really well, are clear about what's right for them but the best way you can help is to really listen and pay attention to their words and actions. It's far more constructive and respectful to provide help that would truly make a difference and offer the right kind of support. Ascertain what's going on, where they're at and then they can be confident that you're truly with them. That's the best way you can help.

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