Self-Esteem and Your Relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship where everything seems so perfect, but then you just can't reach into agreement about certain things? You love each other, but entertaining and maintaining the relationship is a burden to both of you. Often times, you would think that these conflicts result from you misunderstanding and miscommunication, but what you don't realize that these conflicts stem from both of you-your own personal issues, your self-esteem.

Self-esteem plays an important role in the romantic bond that you have with another person. Most of the time, you will attract those that are similar to you.

In the same sense, if you have low self-esteem, you will attract those who also have low self-esteem. It can be very detrimental to your relationship. It brings about negative feelings and emotions to the relationship. It nurtures the feelings of insecurity, mistrust, misunderstandings, and lowers down your self-worth. These feelings can significantly affect your relationship which may also lead to break ups and separations. Usually, if you have low self-esteem, you will most likely engage in self-sabotaging behaviour that will cause you to feel worse about yourself and the situation that you are in.

However, people with high self-esteem will most likely attract those people with the same level of self-esteem. When relationship problems hit hard, if you have high level of self-esteem, you will look at it as a challenge and take in a different approach in solving it. You talk and try to understand each other; you will not force your beliefs into each other's throats. But you will listen to each other and try to reach a compromise; where in each of you has part of the bargain. You don't throw blames at each other, but instead have a sit-down, heart-to-heart talk and try to reach to the root cause of the problem.

Sometimes, a "mismatch of self-esteems" happens. This means that you and your partner have different level of self-esteem; you may have high self-esteem and your partner has low, or vice versa. This kind of relationship also has significant effects to your relationships ranging from negative to positive. The person with low self-esteem will most likely engage in self-sabotaging behaviours and increased self-doubt when his/her partner talks about his achievements, adventures of the day or the number of opposite sex friends he/she has. These can nurture jealousy to the partner and might lead to break up.

Although these differences post risks in the relationship, this type of mismatch, above anything else, also have a "harmonizing effect" to the relationship. You and your partner will complement each other. You and your partner will be filling up what the other is missing. You are actually helping each other to become whole and realize the cliché "you complete me". Often times, the person with low self-esteem would adapt the behaviour of the one with high self-esteem thereby increasing his/her self-esteem as well. This then leads to a better and happier relationship.

At the end of the day, you have to be self-aware of where you and your partner are in the self-esteem spectrum as knowing where you stand can help you improve yourselves and your relationship-be in a more peaceful and happy one.

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