Many of us will have been offered opportunities that promised to take us out of our comfort zone. They may have included meeting new people, taking on tasks we felt ill-equipped to tackle, going to unfamiliar places, doing something rather daunting.
When faced with such a request we have to decide, 'do I do it, yes or no?'. Our immediate gut reaction may be to play safe and walk away from the stress of doing something new and challenging. But the fundamental question we need to ask ourselves at those times is, what happens if I decline, how will I feel about myself, do I really want to say no to this opportunity?
- Fear and panic can run a destructive path through our emotions, bringing with it a terrified voice that asks, 'what if I make a fool of myself', 'what if I freeze or can't do it?' Often though we're not stranded all alone in a scary, confusing situation. Assistance may be available in the form of friends or colleagues, who are often happy to provide help, support and guidance. If we have a conversation at the outset to discuss our concerns there are often positive ways to make the new opportunity work out well and bring many associated benefits, lessons and outcomes.
- Often too, there can be a 'should' or 'ought' narrative running in the background, compounding the pressure to follow other people's suggestions and do what they've advised. Pressure can come from family, friends, colleagues who may enjoy the opportunity to live vicariously through us, watching us undertake things they'd perhaps never do themselves.
- Determining what is the best, most honest path for us to follow can be a hard exercise. It's great to stretch ourselves and have a go, extend ourselves, maybe even scare ourselves a little, but we need to be clear about our motivation, rationale and ultimate goals.
- Yes, we can all say 'no' and revert back to normality, back to the status quo, but is that really as appealing and comfortable as it's cracked up to be. Don't you find that your comfort zone decreases in size the longer you spend in it? Sometimes taking a leap of faith and having a go, no matter what the outcome might be, can be invigorating and life-enhancing. It can re-ignite our enthusiasm to try something new, take on a challenge and learn a different skill, take a chance in another direction.
- Failure or lack of immediate success can be viewed in many different ways. You may initially not achieve as good a result as you would like but by whetting your appetite, dipping your toe in the water you may find that you earn the respect of others, improve your confidence and build your self-esteem. When others are aware that you're trying and having a go, taking a chance they will often see you in a better light and may even offer to mentor, support and encourage you along the way.
- More importantly, ask yourself how will you feel afterwards if you turn down an opportunity and say 'no'? Yes, you've played safe, avoided the stress and panic, not risked failure or a setback, but surely it's also disappointing to avoid risk and stay safely within your skill sets. Often when we've undertaken something daunting and new we come away feeling rather pleased with ourselves, even when things don't work out wonderfully well. We didn't shirk the chance and instead knuckled down and gave it our best shot. We may even congratulate ourselves on our bravery and courage, giving us something to be proud of.
But ultimately it is your right to say 'no'. If you really feel that you can't face what is being asked of you, then say so, clearly and without apology either to others or yourself. If this opportunity is meant to be a part of your life then it will present itself again, hopefully with more auspicious timing, perhaps in a different form. By then you'll be feeling better equipped, more positive and ready to give it a go. Check what your internal reasons are and then decide if you really want to say no to this opportunity.
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