Message From the Universe: Insecurity Is Not That Scary of a Word

"The need to clarify, explain, or justify oneself in personal relationships is always self-serving.

What's important is knowing the truth about why you felt the need, because it often points to insecurities that could be dealt with in more effective ways.

Hi-Ho! 

The Universe"

Every actions are sometimes followed by justifications. Anything you do in life, especially if the results rendered is not quite what you expected will require you to justify your actions to other parties involved as to why you chose this specific path. When working for employers, we sometimes hesitate to take action because of the later need to justify the reasons as to why we made these decisions. For many, it can be a burden so end up never taking any initiative at work when it comes to moving forward in their careers. Hence, the reasons why many are miserable at their jobs because of no opportunities are ever presented to them. Taking higher risk will render bigger rewards, so as long as none of your actions are malicious in nature, you will always learn and get better in what you do.

The same goes with personal relationships. We often feel the need to explain or justify our actions to our significant other in the fear of them feeling left out or insecure. However, mirroring the probable outcome as to how the other will react to our justification makes us feel insecure about the reasons why we acted a certain way. We do not feel insecure personally, we fear the insecurities of the other. We hesitate to act certain ways because we are not sure how the other will react, regardless of their level of security in the relationship. We are now accountable for our behaviors since we are committed to this relationship. Being single allows you NOT to care since you do not owe anything to anyone. You do what makes you happy and couldn't care less of anybody else. This is the reason why being in a long term relationship requires you to keep in mind that your decision making process might have positive or negative repercussion in both your lives. He or she is now a part of the equation. So how do you manage someone's insecurities? By understanding the root of what makes them feel this way, you can counter attack the problem by first making them feel like they are the center of your universe, make them feel loved, even though they might throw you some insecure remarks such as:" Why are you with me, I am fat and ugly", or "they are smarter people out there, why don't you go with them" or "I am short and you are tall" or whatever else comes out of their mouth. I have conducted many therapy sessions with couples and have heard it all. Despite all these remarks that can drive anyone crazy, you need to throw a lot of "Whatevers" to these remarks and counter attack with a lot of love you's and all that good stuff. Hopefully these insecurities are just temporary until they feel more confident in the relationship. You might need to play the offense-defense approach at the same time but as we all know, life is a game and it all depends on what side you are playing.

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