Marriages Have The Best Chance Of Surviving With This Age Difference

There are many predictors of the success of a marriage, among them the having of money, the having of children, and the length of time a couple spends dating before they tie the knot. 

Another big predictor, though, is age: The closer a couple is when it comes to their respective birth years, the greater their chances of avoiding divorce. 

That's according to a study that compiled polling data from more than 3,000 recently married and divorced Americans.

The study—the overall findings of which my colleague Olga Khazan highlighted last month—used a multivariate model to calculate the factors that seemed to best predict the marriage's chances of success. (Or, at any rate, its chances of not ending in divorce.) Its results were visualized by the data scientist Randy Olson, who created a series of charts to illustrate the study's findings.

Olson released another set of visuals—the most intriguing of which focuses on the matter of the age gap. A one-year discrepancy in a couple's ages, the study found, makes them 3 percent more likely to divorce (when compared to their same-aged counterparts); a 5-year difference, however, makes them 18 percent more likely to split up. And a 10-year difference makes them 39 percent more likely.

Once you enter large-gap territory—the 20-year difference, the 30-year difference—the odds of divorce are almost never in your favor.

via Randy Olson

If your partner happens to be 15 years older or younger than you are, that's not automatically a bad omen: Statistics, of course, are not destiny.

But, as predictors, the study's findings stand to reason. Marriage is, above all, about 50-50 partnership; differences in ages also mean differences in life experience and cultural reference points. Generations may be an invention, but they are meaningful nonetheless.

So, with all the necessary caveats about love's vagaries and mysteries, if you want a marriage that lasts, you should probably try to marry someone your own age. Due apologies to Aaliyah.

http://www.businessinsider.com/marriages-have-the-best-chance-of-surviving-with-this-age-difference-2014-11

8 Things Every Woman Over 40 Needs To Know About Losing Weight

Most women find that as they get older, it becomes harder to manage their weight because their metabolism has slowed. Diets that worked in the past become less and less effective. Contrary to most weight loss advice (which seems to treat everyone the same), my take is that women over 40 need to approach weight loss differently. So if you're over 40 and want to shed a few pounds, here are 8 things you should know:

1. Exercise isn't enough.

Exercise is a must for your health and wellbeing. But women over 40 can't rely on it alone for weight loss. If you're working out regularly and still not losing weight, it's because you have to pay more attention to what you're eating.

2. You can't lose weight as quickly as you did when you were 25.

I've seen it many times. If you're 55 years old and trying to lose weight, and expect it to happen at the same rate as when you were 25, you're asking for trouble. Unrealistic expectations mean that even when you're making good progress, you'll feel frustrated at the pace of your progress. This can often lead to second-guessing your approach and then finally giving up (which is what most people do).

3. You can't turn to quick fixes …. and that's a good thing!

This is the number one reason why women over 40 have an advantage with losing weight. (Yes, that's right, an advantage!) You might think that it's a bad thing that you can no longer drop 10 pounds in a week. But what this means is that you have to focus on making long-term changes, which is the cornerstone of successful weight loss.

Not only can you not rely on quick fixes, but you really can't rely on dieting anymore, either. I'll see clients who say things like "I never want to go on another diet again!" This makes them much more focused on long-term change rather than a quick fix. Again, that's a good thing!

4. Failure doesn't make you a failure.

In most areas of life, one failure is enough to put people off trying again. Not with weight loss. Most women in their 40s have a long list of diet failures behind them. I am always impressed with women who—despite 20 or 30 years of not being able to lose weight—are still willing to give it another go. It's testament to how important they feel managing their weight is.

The problem arises when you start thinking that since it hasn't happened so far, it's never going to happen. But the fact is, most people who have eventually succeeded at losing weight have a past history of diet failures. It's certainly not a barrier to getting what you want.

5. The best way to lose weight is to change your eating habits.

For most people, even if they are given the best food plan in the world, they struggle to stick to it. Why? Because our eating habits are ingrained, and simply being told what to eat is not enough to reverse years of conditioning.

So you shouldn't be hard on yourself for not being able to stick to a plan. Instead, you need to get a better understanding of what your eating habits are (by keeping a food diary) and how you can change them.

6. Make small changes

How do you make it more likely that you will stick with something for the long-term? Don't completely overhaul your current diet. Just make small adjustments. For example:

• Take control of your food environment, by removing unnecessarily tempting food from your line of sight (on your desk at work or the kitchen benchtop.)
• Focus on being more mindful when you're eating, so you eat slower, really enjoy your food, and connect with what your body wants.
• Share food with others (especially snacks and desserts) to minimize calories while still enjoying foods you love.

There are plenty of different areas of your eating you can change. The idea is to "nudge" your behavior in the right direction. But remember: the best changes are small ones that you barely notice

7. The sooner you act, the better.

While it's possible to lose weight successfully at any age, there's no denying that you'll have a smoother ride the sooner you start. So start now!

8. Your best friend is persistence.

You can succeed at losing weight, but it means that you'll have to be persistent. Things won't always go your way. There will be weight plateaus and reversals. But that's OK. Just keep focused on your goal, keep making small changes and keep going. This is the key to your success.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12901/8-things-every-woman-over-40-needs-to-know-about-losing-weight.html

7 Daily Habits That Will Make You Healthier

Rituals are essential to maintaining a harmonious daily routine and create the resiliency and positivity to navigate our lives successfully.

Here are seven rituals that you can easily adopt into your daily life and create more balance and better health as a result. They're practical, simple and require barely any additional time or previous skill. There's no reason you shouldn’t make these part of your life.

1. Start your day with a positive affirmation about yourself.

The way you view yourself and your life in the morning sets the stage for the rest of the day. Say something like this to yourself: "My life is beautiful and I have plenty of opportunities to succeed and be happy," "I'm capable, deserving, and ready to create an amazing life for myself and my loved ones," or, "I'm proud of my body and I deserve to treat all of myself with love and kindness." If you have a hard time coming up with positive affirmations first thing in the morning, take some time and write out three to five affirmations that target areas you struggle with. Changing your internal dialogue through positive affirmations is a fundamental part of changing your life and the opportunities that will come to you.

2. Slather your body in lotion SLOWLY.

It’s so important to touch your own body on a regular basis (this is important especially if you tend to dislike your body), so instead of rushing when you get out of shower, take just one or two extra minutes and rub lotion on your entire body with firm pressure, slow movements and loving attention. This is not a time to judge your bumps and curves, it’s about feeling your own skin.

3. Listen to calming music.

I live in NYC, and the crowds can easily get to me, so I listen to calming music on my phone while I walk, ride the subway or work on new projects. If you're driving, try listening to calming music while in traffic. I promise it will work wonders on your road rage. Get me some Mozart, please!

4. Swap coffee for tea.

I used to reach for a cup of joe every chance I got. I admit it, as a European I love the taste of strong coffee, BUT it also kept me wired, affected my sleep, and added to my stress and anxiety which manifested itself in the form of a frequent uncomfortable knot like sensation in my throat. I cut back my coffee consumption to one small cup in the morning and have loved exploring different teas as a replacement. I love the comfort of consuming something warm that also leaves me feeling calm and centered.

5. Chew your food slowly.

Many people have a tendency to inhale their food in a matter of seconds. Chewing your food properly, however is an essential part of the digestive process because saliva contains important digestive enzymes. Chewing also breaks food into smaller particles and makes it easier for your body to absorb nutrients. Taking more time chewing your food can help you avoid uncomfortable sensations like overeating and bloating as well as weight gain.

6. Take the stairs instead of the elevator, and dedicate that time to think of things for which you're grateful.

I turned taking the stairs into one of my daily rituals because it's a simple way to do something positive for my health on a consistent basis, and it's a nice reminder to do my gratitude work. I recommend taking the stairs if you have to get to floor five or below. If you want to up your game even more, walk up the stairs on the balls of your feet instead of planting your whole foot, and you’ll get a nice definition in your calves (what a great extra bonus!).

7. Gently stretch your body throughout the day.

It doesn’t have to be a whole stretching routine every time, but simple stretches throughout the day can go a long way in terms of reducing tight shoulders, a stiff neck, and an achy back. Start with simply lifting your arms up above your head, stretching your wrist, rotating your neck in different directions, getting up from your chair and doing a little forward bend. It doesn’t have to be a tough and sweaty routine. Simple goes a long way. It will increase blood flow throughout your body, loosen your muscles, mobilize your joints, and freshen up your mind.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12918/7-daily-habits-that-will-make-you-healthier.html

What Your Skin Reveals About Your Health

Take a second and look at your skin from head to toe. What do you see? Many people observe wrinkles, acne, eczema, uneven rough skin or rosacea. Although these are all conditions we wish to live without, they're also gentle whispers of the body telling us there's an imbalance going on inside that needs to be addressed, so they shouldn't be ignored.

The skin is a mirror of what's going on inside the body. What's it trying to tell you? Maybe you need to detox, add more nutrients to your diet or even reduce the stress in your life. Your skin often gives you clues to what it needs — all you need to do is pay attention.

Here, the main imbalances in the body, the skin issues they manifest as and what to do about them:

Skin Issue: Acne

Internal cause: Toxic buildup, leaky gut, bacteria imbalance, hormonal imbalance

Acne often appears when the body is dealing with more toxins than it can handle. If the liver is overloaded and can't process the toxins coming in, it will often push those toxins through the skin.

Acne is also a sign of an unhappy gut. Food intolerance and a leaky gut can lead to blemishes because the body is sensing toxins in the blood that have leaked through your gut lining. Many studies have found that acne sufferers have imbalances in their gut bacteria, with more bad bacteria and yeast in the body than healthy, cleansing bacteria. Acne that appears around the mouth and chin is usually a sign of hormonal imbalance.

Skin Issue: Wrinkles and/or dry, dull skin

Internal cause: Nutrient deficiencies

Although our skin will change as we grow older, wrinkles and dry dull skin are often a major sign of dehydration and nutrient deficiencies. I often tell my clients to drink at least 70 ounces of filtered water and incorporate healthy fats like avocado, coconut products, olive oil, fish and nuts every day for 30 days and they'll notice a significant difference in their wrinkles and skin tone.

Skin Issue: Rosacea

Internal cause: Toxic buildup, leaky gut, bacteria imbalance

Similar to acne, rosacea has also been linked to toxic overload and bacterial imbalance in the gut. Conditions like Crohn's, celiac disease and bloating often come along with rosacea. Healing the gut with diet and probiotics often improves and eliminates the rosacea.

Skin Issue: Eczema

Internal cause: Allergy, leaky gut, toxic buildup

This condition is often triggered by an allergy, food sensitivity or stress of some kind. I always recommend doing an elimination diet to determine what your trigger foods are. Keeping a food journal also allows you to see how the food you eat is effecting your skin as you might notice more breakouts around the time you eat certain types of food.

Many people struggling with eczema also have intestinal permeability or leaky gut and the body is responding to the food and toxins that are slipping through the gut lining. I've also found that many of my clients with this condition also have high levels of stress. I often recommend clients go on a gut healing diet, incorporate daily stress relieving techniques such as deep breathing/meditation and address any bacterial infections and their eczema dramatically improves.

Solutions for glowing skin:

Detox daily: With the insane amount of toxins we're exposed to on a daily basis, the body needs all the help it can get to detoxify and keep its skin glowing and clear. To detoxify daily, try dry brushing, oil pulling, alternating hot/cold in the shower, drinking detoxifying teas such as ginger, turmeric and milk thistle, and incorporating foods such as apple cider vinegar, spirulina and tons of vegetables.

Balance hormones: Avoid sugar and processed foods, reduce stress, support your detoxification organs and eat a hormone-balancing diet.

Eat nutrient-dense foods: Getting the right amount of macro and micro nutrients in your diet is just as important as getting the toxins out. Our skin needs certain nutrients to be healthy and glowing. Particularly Vitamin A, Zinc, Vitamin C, Omega-3 Fatty Acids, Biotin, Vitamin E, Pantothenic Acid (vitamin B5), Selenium, Silica, Niacin, Vitamin K2 and Probiotics.

These can be found in a variety of foods, including leafy greens and vegetables, fruit (berries in particular), nuts and seeds, organic animal products such as fish, eggs, organ meats and super foods like chia seeds, spirulina and fermented foods.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16274/what-your-skin-reveals-about-your-health.html

You Need To Stop Acting Like You’re Perfect

You want to know what I like? Honesty. I like when people can admit when things in their life aren’t going so hot. I like when they can just come right out and say you know..shit sucks right now but I’m dealing with it,I’ll be good. It’s refreshing. You know what I don’t like? Fake.

No one’s life is perfect. Anyone can force their family into their Sunday best and threaten cheesy smiles on their faces and snap a pic like all is dandy. Contrary to popular belief however, not all people are stupid. We can see that you’ve only put up head shots since 2009 because you gained the freshman 35. So what? We know you and your boyfriend broke up LAST week so chances are you aren’t really “so ridiculously in love” as you have mentioned three times this week. Do not even get me started on members of your own family doing said things (family means..I’m aware of all the skeletons in your closet and the troubles in paradise.) It is okay! Shit happens.

I don’t want any people (many people) being miserable and hating their lives. I just don’t see the point in glamorizing your own life in attempt to portray this perfect facade. I am a chronic down player. The good things that happen to me I don’t like to or want to excessively gloat about them, because I find it rude. I bought a new car recently, you know what most of my friends said when they saw it? “Oh I didn’t know you got a new car.” Correct, because I never want to make someone feel bad by shoving my mundane successes in their face.

We all know people that whatever day, time, or moment we ask them how they are things are, they are just fuckin-a- fantastic. Sometimes things just suck and we all know that. I respect people a HELL of a lot more when they can admit that and stop trying to play the “my life is better than yours” game. No one is perfect. Didn’t your mother ever teach you that? Maybe you were one of those kids whose parents called them “Princess” until they were 35. In that case, that explains a lot.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/ashley-twigg/2013/11/you-need-to-stop-acting-like-youre-perfect/

6 Ways Sex Is Good For Your Health

Talking about sex can be contentious, often encouraging people to express strong opinions, and even debate each other. It is just such a subjective topic, so most people have a specific set of feelings about sex one way or another.

For instance, some people believe that sex is one of the basic human requirements like food and sleep. Some recognize it as pleasure, not necessity, but still place a lot of importance on it in their lives. And others may think it's less important, seeing it for reproductive purposes — or perhaps they just have lower libidos. In any case, what cannot be disputed is this: science has shown that sex has numerous health benefits, and therefore can certainly enhance your life. Here's how ...

1. Sex lowers your risk of heart attack.

A recent study indicated that those who have less sexual activity are at increased risk of cardiovascular disease. By extension, the more often you have sex, the less likely it may be that you develop heart disease. So, perhaps increasing your sexual activity could just save your heart. Because sex also lowers your cortisol levels (e.g. one of the hormones that makes you stressed out!), it is also associated with stronger immune systems, better sleep and improved quality of life. In other words, sex may just heal your heart.

2. Sex may reduce pain.

Science has shown that when women orgasm, the body produces an analgesic effect, thereby reducing pain. One study tested women who engaged in vaginal self-stimulation, while also placing painful compression upon their (free) finger. During this time, those women reported that their pain threshold was significantly increased, meaning that they were less impacted by the pain and more focused on the pleasure. So, before you pop an ibuprofen, perhaps try masturbation instead?

3. Sex lowers blood pressure.

Sexual activity actually lowers blood pressure. Research conducted in 2006 indicated that men and women who regularly had (heterosexual, penile-vaginal) intercourse displayed lower blood pressure, which also resulted in reduced stress.

Interestingly, unlike in #2, masturbation (or any other kind of sexual activity) had little or no effect on blood pressure, which indicates that intercourse specifically may be what directly impacts blood pressure.

4. Sex improves your mood.

Having sex, or even just cuddling, releases oxytocin and dopamine, which are both bonding and feel-good hormones. These hormones are also associated with improved mood and increased happiness. It can be difficult to imagine even having sex when your mood is low or you are feeling flat, but having an orgasm can make a big difference to how you feel.

5. Sex strengthens your immune system.

Having frequent sex strengthens the immune system to protect the body against disease. A study conducted in 1999 on college students measured immune system functioning in correlation with sexual activity. The study found that those who reported to have frequent (once or twice per week) sexual activity showed higher concentrations of immunoglobulin, which is one the commonest antibodies which protect against infection and disease.

6. Sex helps you sleep.

Numerous studies have shown that sexual activity and intercourse promotes the release of the hormone prolactin. Prolactin is not only responsible for the feeling of satisfaction but is also higher during sleep. This means that having an orgasm or sex can increase your likelihood of falling asleep, and possibly relieve you of those sleepless nights. Next time you find yourself lying awake at night, perhaps a little coitus could ease you back into dreamland.

If healthy living is high on your list of priorities, then including sex could be as beneficial as diet, exercise and sleep. Including sex into your health regime is likely to show many changes in your health and general well-being, so my advice to you would be to get it on!

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15858/6-ways-sex-is-good-for-your-health.html

How Your Brain Can Turn Anxiety into Calmness

Use This Mind Game to Achieve Your Goals

Increase your chances of success by changing your mindset.

In setting a self-improvement goal, strategic assessment of your chances of success can be a

 huge motivator, says philosopher Jim Stone, Ph.D., who develops personal productivity 

software and workshops. Say you want to give up smoking (or another vice): You’d typically 

think, If I smoke, I have failed. But if you mentally open yourself to many ways not to smoke

(versus that one singular failure scenario), you view success as likelier: I will do push-ups

 instead of smoking, I will call a friend instead of smoking, I will read a magazine instead of

 smoking, or I will drink coffee instead of smoking. In other words, there’s only one way to

 fail and so many ways to succeed. Your success chances seem much stronger, and you

 harness the power of self-fulfilling prophecy. The same mindset can aid the launch of a

 positive habit, such as logging 20 minutes of exercise a day. Think of failure as I won’t get

 20 minutes of exercise today. Then embrace the many favorable outcomes (I will walk for

 20 minutes at lunch, I will jog around the block twice before breakfast, I will ride my

 stationary bicycle during my favorite sitcom, or I will review my printouts while I walk the

 treadmill at the gym), and your willpower—and your odds—improve. Let your mind play

 tricks on you… in a good way!

http://www.success.com/article/use-this-mind-game-to-achieve-your-goals

Chase Greatness: Giving Up Is Not An Option

Life can be challenging and difficult at times for everyone. Things don’t happen as fast as we want them to, relationships end and jobs are lost. And the list goes on.

We are tempted to give up.
When my twin daughters went to kindergarten, I decided to get my bachelor’s degree. I didn’t get good grades in school and deep down I didn’t believe I was smart enough. 
I started with two classes: ‘How to Study’ and ‘Speed Reading’.

Then I continued to take a few classes at a time until I finished. It took me nine and a half years!

There were times I wanted to quit and give up. I never did.
In 1883, an engineer, John Roebling, had the idea to build the Brooklyn Bridge. Other experts told him his idea was impossible. It couldn’t be done. 
Washington, Roebling’s son, also an engineer, helped his father design the plan and get financing from the bank.

Next, they hired the crew and began to build the bridge that spans the river between Manhattan and Brooklyn. After a few months, an accident occurred on-site.

John was killed and his son was severely injured. Brain damage left him unable to walk or talk. They were the only ones who knew the plan for the bridge.

Because Washington Roebling still had a clear mind, he developed a communication code as he lay in his bed. He could move one finger.

With that finger he tapped out the code on his wife’s arm to communicate to her the plan so the engineers could continue building the bridge.
Washington Roebling tapped his instructions with one finger for 13 years until the Brooklyn Bridge, an engineering miracle, was finally completed!
Several years ago, Hubs and I went to New York for the first time and walked the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a powerful reminder that we can do the impossible.
How willing are you to accomplish your goals? Are you willing to do what it takes?

Would you continue if you knew it would take 13 years?
When you feel like quitting, remember you only have to take one day at a time. Commit to just one more day. Get focused and spend your time tackling the most important things first.
When we are ready to commit to our dreams, nothing can stop us.

When you feel like quitting, read about people who refuse to give up. Learn from them and join them in living life to the fullest.
If we begin where we are and consistently take small steps, we’ll succeed.
I was only 38 when all four of my daughters were in college. By that time, I had my master’s degree in counseling psychology.
After two more years, I began my private practice. Since then I’ve helped thousands of people change their lives, find happiness and success.
Due to the internet, my reach is unlimited. Thousands of people read my blog. I touch people every day through my courage coaching, ecourses and ebooks.

I believe we have a responsibility to ourselves and to each other. We need to do whatever it takes to succeed, to serve and to live a life of meaning.
Put in the time, effort and dedication. Plan on challenging times and struggle along the way. Remember that you are capable and worthy. This is your time!
You have everything you need inside of you. Choose to face what you fear. Imagine the awesome independence, growth and life that you’re creating as you go beyond fear.
Don’t quit. Don’t give up! Choose to chase greatness. Become obsessed.

Refocus. Put your energy and faith into your dreams. Expect them to come to fruition. Choose to believe that anything is possible. No matter what!

If I can do these things, so can you. You don’t have to be brilliant. You don’t have to have a degree. You only need to decide and take action.

As we come closer to 2015, ask yourself the following questions:

What do I want for myself?
What new experiences would create meaning in my life?
What grand new adventure do I daydream about?
What can I do to get started today?
How can I distance myself from the people, places and things that hinder me?

Give your dreams some serious thought and take massive action. Live without regrets.

http://theboldlife.com/2014/11/chase-greatness-giving-up-is-not-an-option/

How To Create Real Freedom In Your Life

In April of 2012, my father died unexpectedly at the age of 54. Upon hearing the news, I felt almost numb. He and my mother had divorced when I was young, and he was never around. As I grew up into the adult that I now am, my dad tried to rekindle the relationship, but I was bitter and angry.

Unsurprisingly, the days leading up to his funeral were difficult. My mind felt consumed by so many thoughts. The day of his funeral gave me a harsh reality check: that's when everything got real. I sat there looking at his body and realized suddenly, deeply, that he was gone. That was it. I would never get a chance to reconcile with him or hear his story because he was no longer alive. Three days after the funeral I completely broke down.

Over the next few weeks, I started to replay the last few conversations my dad and I had. The one thing he had always said over and over again was not to live life the way he did. He told me not to die with regret in my heart. How? He told me to create freedom in my life.

Since his death, I quit a job I hated, I lost 170 pounds, and my family moved to our dream designation of Maui, Hawaii. I finally understood my dad's advice, and I created freedom in my life. Life is too short. Time is the one thing we'll never get back.

Since we only get one chance to live life, here are four ways you can live it with freedom, real freedom.

1. Feel responsible for your body.

In other words, get control of your health. No one else can, or will, do this work for you. Whether it's losing weight, getting fit, or really understanding what it means to live a healthy lifestyle (and feeling the benefits!), you have to take ownership over your needs and desires when it comes to your body and your health.

Disease, sickness, and the way we feel can be directly traced back to what we eat. The amount of energy we have to do the things we need to do in life can be traced back to our fitness. Your health is one area of your life that you can actively cultivate. Try it ...

2. Find or create work you love.

Most of us spend 47 hours of the week working. When you spend that much of your time doing something, it will affect you one way or another. Sure, most of us in the world are constantly hearing and talking about the bad state of our economy. And sure, job opportunities aren't what they used to be.

But you can nevertheless create opportunities for yourself, or at least try. In the process of giving your interests, passions and professional relationships more thought, you will be learning. It all starts with productive thinking and questioning. If you want a better job, start figuring out what kind of work you're looking for. Put a plan in place to land that job. It might take a while, and the process might consist of small steps leading you toward growth. So be patient!

If you've been thinking about creating a business, the Internet has opened doors that were previously closed. With over 2.5 billion people online everyday, you can create a highly profitable business. You have many options to create freedom in your work.

3. Choose experience over stuff.

At the end of our lives we're not going to remember all the stuff we had, we'll remember our experiences. And you can't take that stuff with you.

It's OK to have nice things, but if they cost you an experience (or many), they're not worth it. If you have a chance to try a new food, or travel to a cool place, or meet someone amazing, take it. Those are the things you'll remember.

4. Don't settle.

Complacency is the enemy of your dream life and the concept of freedom. You are destined for greatness, not a "good enough" life. Society and other external pressures constantly try to tell us what "a good life" looks like. Not only should you want more, but you have the power to get more. By settling, you are denying to yourself that you have that power.

When doubt, fear and the voices of negative people try to hold you back, ignore them. Chase that dream and create free by not living life on autopilot. My father's death was the wake up call I needed. Learn from my mistake, and create freedom in every area of your life. Don't let fear win.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-15998/how-to-create-real-freedom-in-your-life.html

Do You Worry What People Think Of You? Try This

Have you ever given up something you truly want because you’re afraid of what others may think of you? Do you hear a voice that tells you: You’re not thin enough, beautiful enough, lovable enough, funny enough, successful enough, spiritual enough and so on.

Do you make your decisions based on what you want, or on what others think?

Worrying about what others think about us is natural when we’re focused on the fear and the belief that we’re not good enough (we all have this in us). We put everyone else on pedestals and we believe that if we follow a certain path, possess certain materials and be a certain way, then we will belong to a community, friendship, group, relationship, or job.This belief is very limiting. It creates loneliness, rejection and pain. It takes us away from what we truly want, which is love. It drains our energy because we’re focused on what’s missing in us and on protecting ourselves from feeling unloved. It also limits us from surfacing who we truly are, and we become dishonest, unhappy, lonely, angry and resentful toward everyone (including ourselves).

Two of our biggest human needs are significance and love. When we worry about what others think about us, and when we hide our true self to please others, we’re simply focused on meeting those needs from the outside.

We may feel good for few moments or days but we’ll always feel that something is missing within. When we’re back alone, the fear of not being enough and of not being loved will surface again.

If you want to free yourself from worrying what others think about you then ask yourself these five eye-opening questions:

1. What is the story you’re telling yourself that’s making you care about what other people think?
2. What consequences has this story had in your life?
3. What has this cost you so far?
4. What is your life going to look like five years, 10 years, 50 years from now if you keep this story or belief?
5. What is it that you truly want?

If you want to stop worrying about what others think about you, then simply identify your limiting belief, change it and shift your focus toward meeting your needs for love and significance from within.

What people think about you is their business only. Remember, what you focus on is where your energy will go and who you’ll become.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12977/do-you-worry-what-people-think-of-you-try-this.html

A Gratitude Habit to Boost Your Positivity

Be grateful when bad things don’t happen.

There’s a blackout while I’m in the basement of my house. At least it didn’t happen when I was cleaning the cats’ litter box, I tell myself. Next morning, I spill coffee all over the kitchen counter. At least it didn’t go in the silverware drawer. Then it’s on to bonking my hip on a table (at least I didn’t cut myself), burning the breakfast sausages (at least the kitchen didn’t catch fire), and buying $150 worth of groceries (at least it was cheaper than buying those same groceries in Tokyo). And so on, every day.

Friends of mine—accustomed to my “at least” habit—crack me up by saying, “You’re so positive!” I think they see me as a 21st-century Pollyanna, that sunny and fictitious orphan. In fact, as my husband knows, I’m a private expert at imagining the worst. Does my kid have a sniffle? I’ll see that sniffle and raise it to pneumonia. Is she late getting home from school? Bam: I picture a hideous bus crash. For me, the gratitude-for-what-hasn’t-happened mindset is a way of using my hyperactive imagination for good.

And, just in time for Thanksgiving, I’m pleased to report that a number of scientists are in my corner. No, they haven’t specifically endorsed—yet—my pattern of being grateful 30 times a day that small problems weren’t more drastic. But their research does suggest that picturing sadder versions of your past might make you happier in the present.

At the University of Virginia, the University of Western Ontario and other places, psychologists asked people to imagine that something in their lives (either bad or good) had turned out worse. In one study, for instance, students remembered a test they had done poorly on and imagined having done even more poorly. In another, people in romantic relationships imagined never having met their beloved. This way of seeing things—known in the psych biz as “downward counterfactual thinking”—had swift results: Those who imagined getting lower grades were in better moods immediately afterward than those who imagined getting higher grades; those who pictured a world where they hadn’t met Mr. or Ms. Right promptly reported more satisfaction with that person than they had two weeks before.

What explains such shifts? Maybe, scientists suggest, it’s that when you imagine a worse version of events, you rekindle the novelty of reality: But I did meet Bill! I didn’t get an F! I scooped the cat poop before the lights went out! And novelty seems key to enjoying your blessings. (Which is why even the best memories—from reaching a professional goal to watching your World Cup team score a winning one—feel less thrilling as time passes.)

Could “downward counterfactual thinking” goose long-term happiness? Could it prepare us to cope with major challenges? Science has yet to offer a verdict. But—true to my Pollyanna reputation—I’m optimistic. As a 2008 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology points out, small daily boosts of positive emotion “improved life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms over time.”

And I can definitely vouch that my “at least” habit brings daily boosts of positive emotion—even, on occasion, rueful laughter. Now if I could just quit spilling coffee and walking into things, I’d be in business.

How you deal with the insanity life throws at us every day is your choice. Find out how to stop negative thinking your sense of humor.

https://www.success.com/a-gratitude-habit-to-boost-your-positivity/

Remove a Limiting Belief in About 20 Minutes

Limiting beliefs can seriously hold us back in life. But most of the time such beliefs are invisible to us. They control some of our thoughts and behaviours behind the scenes, enough to curtail our results in some area of life.
For example, if you have the false belief that mistakes and failure are bad, then you’ll avoid many growth and learning experiences because you have to be willing to fail in order to build new skills.
As another example, if you have the belief that rejection is a bad thing, you’ll avoid approaching new people, and you’ll miss out on many wonderful social connections.
Where do these beliefs come from?
Many limiting beliefs get installed during childhood, but that isn’t always the case. The pattern is that your mind drew false generalization based on one or more specific events. It assigned questionable meanings to those events, and those interpretations are disempowering you. As a result your mind blocks you from taking certain actions, even though the actions may be reasonable and intelligent choices.
In order to remove a limiting belief, it isn’t enough to identify and acknowledge it. You may be aware of some of your limiting beliefs, but awareness of them isn’t necessarily enough to keep them from operating in your life. You may be aware that rejection isn’t such a terrible thing, but your subconscious is still conditioned to avoid it. Awareness is an important part of the solution, but it isn’t the whole solution.

Removing Limiting Beliefs

In July when I was in Bermuda for the Transformational Leadership Council retreat, I found myself sitting next to Morty Lefkoe at dinner one night, and I asked him about his work.
Morty claimed to have developed a method for permanently uninstalling limiting beliefs. And the best part was that his method only took about 20 minutes to apply, and you only had to do it once. Not once per day or once per week. Just once.
I was intrigued, so Morty and I talked for more than an hour. I was particularly interested in what he had to say because I frequently encounter people who struggle with limiting beliefs, especially when it comes to money and finding a fulfilling career. But I couldn’t recommend Morty’s method just on his word alone.
Fortunately, Morty offered to personally show me how the method worked, so later during the retreat, we sat down together in the hotel lobby, and he ran me through the process.
First, he asked me some questions to help me identify a particular limiting belief I had. I began by telling him that I was experiencing some blocks related to hiring people. We soon identified several different intertwined beliefs that were holding me back from hiring a staff. It was obvious that I needed to hire help, but I was still holding back.
Morty took me through a fairly straightforward cognitive process that allowed my mind to eliminate false beliefs that I’d been carrying around for years. After the retreat we did a couple more sessions by phone in order to eliminate some additional beliefs that were holding me back from hiring people.
My biggest limiting belief was, “If I hire other people, they won’t care about the work as much as I do.” I believed that it would be discouraging and draining to manage people who were mainly there for the paycheck. So naturally I didn’t hire anyone. Who’d want to work with people who don’t care?
After using Morty’s process, I felt a bit different, but I wasn’t quite sure if the old beliefs were really gone. I felt like something in my mind had shifted, but I wasn’t clear about the extent of that shift. It felt like the block had been removed, but would I act on it?
Fast forward some weeks later. Erin and I hired four people to help us with the workshop: a video guy, a sound guy, and two helpers who staffed the product table and served as mike runners. We could have kept it small, but we decided to make it bigger and recruit help.
The interesting thing wasn’t that we hired people. It was that we hired people who really cared about the work we were doing. People did more than was expected of them.
For example, Vicki went out of her way to help people process some of their emotional releasing during the breaks. We didn’t ask her to do that. She just saw that she could help, and she did it. She also gave me many suggestions for improving the workshop, some of which I incorporated on the fly during Days 2 and 3.
This was a big shift for me, and it opened a lot of new doors. I told Morty about this and thanked him for helping me get past this block. And I really do feel that the block is permanently gone. Hiring help was a lot easier than I expected.
The nice thing about Morty’s method is that it works for a wide variety of different beliefs, and he has a long history of success with it. He’s used it with more than 38,000 people.
I’m very grateful that I met Morty. 

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/10/remove-a-limiting-belief-in-about-20-minutes/

How to Use Meditation to Train Your Brain

I recently trotted my two granddaughters off to the discount theater to see How to Train Your Dragon 2. It was a hot, Saturday afternoon and the place was packed. In order to sit together we were forced to take a front row seat. One thing about this vantage point is you feel like you're rubbing noses with the screen (which, if I had sneezed, I would've been.) But it was great fun.

Having grandchildren (or children) gives you the opportunity to repeat the fun stuff you enjoyed as a kid without having other people judge you for spending the afternoon playing with Play Doh or watching an animated picture.

I admit it, dragons intrigue me. I'm not sure why. I'm a big fan of Harry Potter movies and mystical stories. Dragons are generally portrayed as villains, but in How to Train Your Dragon 1 and 2 we see humans and dragons working together. Of course there is a lot of prejudice to overcome, but it finally happens. I apologize if this was a spoiler for any of you, but most Hollywood plots are pretty predictable and secondary to the spectacle and popcorn.

I didn't think too much about the movie and any underlying messages at first, but then I received an assignment to write an article on meditation for Beauty Link magazine (I'll post a link when the article comes out.) I'm Buddhist and I chant the words Nam Myoho Renge Kyo every morning and evening. Occasionally I meditate as well, but I have to admit my knowledge on the effects of meditation (or chanting) and the brain is minimal.

Imagine my surprise to learn that meditation and other calming techniques can increase your happy serotonin supply, decrease the nasty cortisol levels, lower your blood pressure and even assist your healing power on a cellular level. Another thing I learned is when we get a jolt of anger, frustration, annoyance etc. a message is sent to the amygdale, a walnut-sized part of our brain that is responsible for our fear response. If left unchecked, our fear-response is activated.

Our reactions may vary a little depending on our personality, but it is rarely a good scenario. We might feel the urge to fight, take flight, yell, hold our breath, climb a tree, or any number of fear-based reactions. When the danger is real this could be a good thing for self preservation. But most of the time the anger or stress is more an annoyance (rush hour traffic, an approaching deadline, a demanding boss) than a real, life-threatening event.

The good news is there is a 30-second delay from the time the response is noticed before the amygdala yells, "suppress the serotonin and release the cortisol!" It's like turning off all the water faucets and then igniting an internal fire. Fortunately during this 30 seconds you can take deep breaths and practice a mini-meditation, chant, or practice another relaxation technique to help restore order to your system.

Of course this little scenario made me think each dramatic event in our lives gives us the opportunity to be a hero. In most cases we can be kind to our system and psyche and cool our internal flames before it becomes a massive wild fire that torments our bodies and any innocent bystanders. In the rare cases where we need our fear to protect ourselves and the world, we can let it kick in, jump on our dragon (and I think Amygdala is a good name for a dragon) and we can take up the good fight.

Both scenarios have a place in our lives. But I think it's safe to say that our "call to arms" is not as necessary as our amygdala would have us believe.

During my post-movie discussion with my granddaughters I asked six-year-old Rosannah what her favorite part of the movie was. She liked the part when the kids and dragons fought the bad guys and won. Briannah, age 5, preferred the beginning of the movie when everything was calm and pleasant. My favorite part was when the heroes had to ride the only available dragons that were available - the baby dragons. Unlike the adult flying lizards who followed the directive of the alpha beast - the baby dragons didn't listen to anyone. And somehow I found that very refreshing.

We can do the same. We are the alphas of our own minds. We can fly off the handle when we are in grave danger, or we can save our energy, relax by the pool, and live to save the world another day.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Use-Meditation-to-Train-Your-Brain&id=8685321