Most of us experience setbacks at some point in our lives. As a child we may have been taught to handle some rejection and disappointment by our parents or teachers. We may have been required to share toys, time, other people's attention and have, as a consequence discovered that not everything goes our way all of the time. We will have hopefully learned not to take those knocks too personally, to bounce back, to be resilient and recover, accepting this as a part of life and of co-existing successfully with other people.
But some setbacks can seriously affect children and as such their coping strategies become compromised by the need to protect themselves from future harm. Not being picked for the school team, falling out with friends from their class or neighbourhood or being criticised and called hurtful names may seem minor but those experiences, compounded with subsequent hurts can significantly impact on a person's confidence and self-esteem.
Even adults who appear to be well-balanced and confident, who may have enjoyed a happy, supportive childhood may find that setbacks leave them feeling unable to cope, make rational decisions and recover. The problem is these negative experiences often affect our thinking, making us feel incredibly vulnerable and exposed. Yet the times when setbacks occur are often the very times that require us to be focussed and engage in serious consideration of our options with good decision-making abilities.
Those times may need us to be receptive to external advice and guidance; we may need therapy to help us heal old wounds and recover our self-esteem, composure and confidence. We may need to seek help with legal or financial matters to support decisions that need to be made.
Let's look at some ways to help you get back on your feet and recover from a serious setback. Divorce, redundancy, bereavement, infertility, discrimination, criminal injury are just some examples of the ways that life can throw us a curved ball and knock us down.
Here are some ways to help you get back on your feet and recover from a serious setback:
- Find ways to work on your personal self-esteem. Include activities that you do well, that make you feel good. Perhaps introduce sport, exercise, a walking club, hobbies that are stimulating and enjoyable but which also introduce you to other like-minded and supportive people. Classes and volunteer work can be fun, satisfying and enjoyable.
- Take time to nurture and build good relationships with family and friends. Share how you're feeling about your situation, let them help and be supportive. Establish good channels of communication and keep in regular touch with your support network. You may discover that your relationships benefit as your channels of communication improve.
- Focus on what can be changed. It can become a habit to stress and agonise over impossible situations and the harm they've done but it's an energy and time-wasting action. Focus your energy on looking at ways that you can improve your situation, on what needs to happen and the actions that you need to take, the expertise you may need to introduce, the strengths and skills that are needed either from you or from others.
- Take time to appreciate what this situation has taught you. There are often valuable lessons to be learned from a setback and those lessons are often a significant part of the recovery process. Learn from your reflections; it may be that you're doing too much, need help, are perhaps moving in the wrong direction. It may even be that you need to learn patience and become receptive to attracting new and better opportunities that are just around the corner.
Sometimes setbacks introduce unexpected opportunities and direction into our lives or enable us to appreciate what we already have; the people, quality of life, possessions that are typically accepted as the norm.
Hypnotherapy and counselling can enable us to get back on our feet by gaining an understanding of what has happened to us, restore our confidence in our ability to cope with future challenges and gain a positive new perspective with which to explore the potential for opening new doors and opportunities.
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