7 Ways to Make Small Talk Work for You.

Research reveals that most of us really don't like silence.

Being able to engage others in casual conversation is a handy skill to have. You never know when you’re going to be in a social situation where you'll need to keep up the patter in order to impress someone important or make an impression on someone you’d like to get to know better.

Less clear is what to do when you’re in a situation where no one is talking but you feel the urge to chat. Perhaps you’re standing in a long line at the cafeteria and would like some distraction, or you've read all the magazines in a physician’s waiting room and feel like getting a complaint or two off your chest. No one is making eye contact with you and, in fact, everyone else seems perfectly content to remain in their own isolated worlds.

Enter the art of the small talk. How to know when to initiate a conversation, how to keep one going—or how to keep your thoughts to yourself—are skills that you can acquire and improve upon with practice. And the seven tips below can help give you the basis for developing your own style.
I began thinking about this problem after reading an excellent piece by Psychology Today blogger Matthew Hutson in The Science of Us arguing that New Yorkers, at least, should talk to each other more. In describing several studies examining the benefits of small talk, he pointed out that the underlying issue was “pluralistic ignorance"—the idea that everyone assumes that no one else wants to do something that everyone really wants to do. We all would prefer to talk when we’re bored, waiting, uncomfortable, or just seeking the solace of another human being’s voice. However, no one wants to chime in first out of fear of seeming ignorant or forcing himself or herself onto unwilling listeners.
If you, like so many others, underestimate the positive effect that your chatting would have on people you don’t know, these findings suggest that you should give it a try. As Hutson notes in summarizing one such study, “the joy of small talk was mutual.” Even introverts, who aren’t naturally given to chatting with strangers, state that they have more fun when they step outside their comfort zone.
Small talk may be preferable to the alternative, at least as shown in this research, but you might be wondering whether this is generally true in all situations. Is small talk always good? You can probably think of situations when the last thing in the world you wanted to do was hear someone else’s chit-chat—perhaps even the classic scenario of sitting in the dentist’s chair while having your teeth cleaned. You obviously are unable to utter any more than a few grunts but the dentist is free to ramble on endlessly about all the minutiae of his or her daily life. You may also remember a time when you had work to do or just wanted peace and quiet during a hectic commute or trip but were unable to get away from enforced companionship with your fellow traveler. It’s natural enough to shy away from random conversations with strangers with these memories planted in your consciousness.
Canadian researchers Glenn Posner and Stanley Hamstra (2013) examined the effect of small talk on a doctor's competence through a study comparing the efficiency of medical students while conducting, of all things, pelvic exams. They created three conditions, all involving a plastic model on which the med students were supposed to practice. In one condition, the students examined the plastic model only. In the other two conditions, a woman “patient” accompanied the model, to replicate the experience of treating an actual person. In one of these conditions, the female patient spoke only minimally; in the other, she launched into a variety of small-talk topics.
The results suggested that small talk may indeed be detrimental during medical exams. Students attended to their task least efficiently when paired with the chatty patient. It seems, then, that there are situations when regardless of how awkward the silence may be, people are better off not dividing their attention between bantering and completing the task at hand.
In social situations, small talk may be preferable to silence, but when it comes to predicting overall happiness with conversations, people seem to prefer “big talk.” University of Arizona psychologist Matthias Mehl and his collaborators (2013) compared the happiness ratings of nearly 80 undergraduate students at the end of each of 4 days, during which they recorded snippets of all their conversations.
Using the 300 recordings they obtained per participant, Mehl and his team found that people rated their well-being much higher the more of their day's conversations were substantive (e.g., discussions about relationships) vs. small (e.g., chatting about food). In general, people’s well-being was higher when they were engaged in any kind of talk vs. silence, but there was a big jump in well-being ratings for those big-talk talks. Mehl and his team concluded that “the happy life is social rather than solitary, and conversationally deep rather than superficial” (p. 540).
So we know that small talk can produce greater well-being, but not as much as big talk. But in a small-talk situation, should you then skip over daily superficialities and delve instead into philosophical questions? If so, wouldn’t that seem odd to your companions? Taking the conclusions of these findings together, these 7 pointers will help you navigate your way to the best middle ground:

1. Don’t talk when someone else is trying to concentrate. If you’re with a person who’s trying to concentrate (whether on your teeth or other things), it might be best to let that person do his or her job. The other person might appreciate having some mental bandwidth left open to work on the task at hand without having to sound conversationally clever.
2. When you’re with a stranger or strangers, see if anyone makes eye contact with you. People who are eager to get involved in a conversation will typically give you some sort of signal. If they’re consistently looking away, they may be enjoying a moment of zen (and happy to be so) or just not in the mood for idle chatter.
3. Allow yourself to enjoy the silence at least once in a while. You may be a highly extroverted person who truly likes to interact with others, but don’t feel you have to fill every empty space with words—even when you’re with your significant other. You don't need to have hours and hours of steady conversation to prove how much you love or feel close to each other.
4. If small talk seems in order, find common and neutral ground.There’s nothing more embarrassing than making a comment about a situation with a stranger in which you’ve said something unintentionally insulting. Perhaps you see a person who’s unusually tall, short, thin, or heavy, and feel like sharing your judgement of this person’s appearance with your seatmate on the bus. For all you know, that seatmate (who seems “average” to you) has a family member or close friend who isn’t quite so average. Presuming that you share the world view with someone because you share a seat is a pretty dangerous assumption.
5. Pause in between sentences. If you release a steady stream of verbiage, you’ll have no way of knowing whether the other person is interested in keeping the conversation going. Allow your conversational partner a chance to not only get a word in edgewise, but to bow out graciously if he or she desires.
6. Don’t overshare. You may feel it’s safe to reveal personal details to someone you’ll “never see again” (such as someone on vacation or in a new place) but you should remember the six degrees of separation principle: For all you know, the person you’ve just confessed to about cheating on an exam is best friends with the instructor’s spouse.
7. Be open to deeper conversations. If things are going well, your conversational partner may be interested in moving from small to medium to big talk. However, don’t jump into the deep end unless you’ve tested those waters one toe at a time.

You may be high on the introversion dimension, and so prefer time to yourself. However, with these tips, you can avail yourself of at least some of the social opportunities that can benefit your well-being and those of the people you're with
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201409/7-ways-make-small-talk-work-you

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7 Ways to Just Get It Done.

There are ways to cross even the most unpleasant tasks off your list.

It’s a Secret of Adulthood: Happiness doesn't always make me feel happy. Often, I know I’d be happier if I did something I really don’t feel like doing: Making that phone call. Dealing with tech support. Writing that email. Going to the gym.

Those dreaded tasks hang over my head; they make me feel drained and uneasy. I’ve learned that I’m much happier, in the long run, if I try to tackle them as soon as possible, rather than allowing myself to push them off.

Here are some habits I use:

1. Do it first thing in the morning. If you’re dreading doing something, you’re going to be able to think of more creative excuses as the day goes along. One of my Twelve Commandments is “Do it now.” No delay is the best way.
   
2. If you find yourself putting off a task that you try to do several times a week, just do it every day. When I was planning my blog, I envisioned posting two or three times a week. Then a blogging friend convinced me that no, I should post every day. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, I’ve found that it’s easier to do it every day (well, except Sundays) than fewer times each week. There’s no dithering, there’s no juggling. I know I have to post, so I do. If you’re finding it hard to go for a walk four times a week, try going every day.
   
3. Have someone keep you company. Studies show that we enjoy practically every activity more when we’re with other people. Having a friend along can be a distraction, a source of reassurance, or moral support.
   
4. Make preparations, assemble the proper tools. Clean off your desk, get the phone number, find the file. I often find that when I’m dreading a task, it helps me to feel prepared. There’s a wonderful term that chefs use: mis-en-place, French for “everything in its place.” It describes the preparation done before starting to cook—gathering ingredients and implements, chopping, measuring, etc. Mis-en-place is preparation, but it’s also a state of mind; it means you have everything at the ready, with no need to run out to the store or begin a frantic search. You’re truly ready to begin.
   
5. Commit. We’ve all heard the advice to write down your goals. But this really works, so force yourself to do it. Usually this advice relates to long-term goals, but it works with short-term tasks, too. On the top of a piece of paper, write, “By October 31, I will have _____.” This also gives you the thrill of crossing a task off your list. (See below.)
   
6. Remind yourself that finishing a dreaded task is tremendously energizing. Studies show that hitting a goal releases chemicals in the brain that give you pleasure. If you’re feeling blue, even though the last thing you feel like doing is...something you don’t feel like doing, push yourself. You’ll get a big lift from it.
   
7. Observe "Power Hour." I get enormous satisfaction from my new habit of Power Hour. I came up with Power Hour because, as I was working on Better Than Before, my book about habit-formation, I wanted to create a habit of tackling dreaded tasks. But how could I form a single habit to cover a bunch of non-recurring, highly diverse tasks? I hit on an idea. Once a week, for one hour, I steadily work on these chores.  An hour doesn’t sound like much time, but it’s manageable, and it’s amazing how much I can get done.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-happiness-project/201408/7-ways-just-get-it-done

5 Secret Messages Your Body Language Sends.

... and how to use them to your advantage.


Body language, or nonverbal communication, is not a formal language like verbal communication. There are, however, subtle nonverbal cues that often occur out of our own awareness that can have a powerful impact on others.

Here are some common but lesser-known body language cues:

1. The Eyebrow Flash.
   
   This is the quick raising of the eyebrows that occurs, often without our knowledge, when we see someone we recognize. But at the conscious level, we can use the eyebrow flash as a quick, subtle greeting to others. Human ethologist Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt studied the eyebrow flash and suggests that it is a universal sign of recognition.
2. Pupil Dilation.
   
   A series of studies found that pictures of attractive women were rated as even more attractive if their pupils were larger. Knowledge of this affect goes back at least as far as the ancient Egyptian practice of women putting poisonous belladonna in their eyes to cause their pupils to dilate.
3. The Bowl Gesture.
   
   This is the gesture when our hands move symmetrically and synchronously upward, forming a sort of "bowl." The gesture can occur when a person is conveying understanding, as if saying, “I’ve got it all here before me.” It is typically viewed very positively by observers, and conveys a sense that the gesturer is wise.
4. The “Fake,” or Non-Duchenne, Smile.
   
   Extensive research by Paul Ekman and his colleagues has distinguished between real smiles—indicating the sincere emotion of happiness—and feigned happiness. The key is in the eyes. A "true," or Duchenne smile, involves the eyes, specifically the narrowing at the outer corners that creates the “crow’s feet” effect. Often the fake smile is used to appease another person, communicating, “I’m smiling, but I’m not enjoying this,” or “I’m humoring you.”
5. The Baton Gesture.
   
   This involves a closed-fist, with the thumb protruding on top, and is a very effective tool used in speaking that conveys emphasis in a positive way. If you view speeches by former President Bill Clinton, you'll see he makes effective and frequent use of this gesture.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201409/5-secret-messages-your-body-language-sends

The Most Powerful Law of Attraction.

 

"An elusive, enigmatic aura will make people want to know more, drawing them into your circle...The moment people feel they know what to expect from you, your spell on them is broken." --Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction

People like people who like them. This is one of the most replicated findings in all of social psychology. But people also like people who might like them. This is one of the most well-known principles of seduction.

When receiving clear signals of interest from another person, a person is momentarily pleased, adapts quickly, and the case is closed. But when interest is uncertain, a person can think of little else; they are constantly in search of an explanation. Eventually the person interprets these thoughts as a sign of liking and think, "Gee, I must really like this person if I can't stop thinking about him!" (Whitchurch, Wilson, & Gilbert, in press). Every petal peeled off the rose while saying, "He loves me, he loves me not..." is a step closer to attraction.

But which is a more potent force for seduction: the well-known reciprocity principle of social psychology (people like people who like them) or the uncertainty principle from the literature on seduction (people like people who might like them)?

Erin Whitchurch and her colleagues conducted a study of 47 female undergraduates to find out. Each woman was told that several male students had viewed her Facebook profile and rated how much he'd like to get to know her.

One group was told that they would be seeing the four men who had given them the highest ratings (the "liked-most" condition). Another group of women were told that they would be seeing four men who had given them average ratings (the "liked-average" condition). Finally, another group of women (the "uncertain" condition) were told that it was unknown how much each guy liked her. The women then viewed four fictitious Facebook profiles of attractive male college students.

After they viewed those profiles, they reported their mood and rated multiple aspects of their attraction to the male students (e.g., "someone I would hook up with"). The participants then rated their mood again, and also reported the extent to which thoughts about the men had "popped into their head" during the prior 15 minutes.

The researchers found evidence of the reciprocity principle: Women liked the men more when they were led to believe that the men liked them a lot, compared to when they thought the men liked them an average amount.

Women in the uncertain condition, however, were the most attracted to the men. Women also reported thinking about the men the most in the uncertain condition, and there was tentative evidence that the effect of uncertainty on attraction was explained by the frequency of their thoughts. In other words, it wasn't the uncertainty per se that made the men attractive, but the thoughts it induced.

Women in the liked-best condition reported a more positive mood than women in the liked-average condition, but there was no difference in mood between the women in the uncertain condition and those in the liked-best condition. Women felt just as positive under uncertainty as they did knowing for sure the guys liked them.

This study is important as it's the first to manipulate different degrees of certainty. It also puts a new spin on "playing hard to get": It seems that being unavailable isn't attractive, but being mysterious is. According to the researchers, "People who create uncertainty about how much they like someone can increase that person's interest in them."

Of course, the study has limitations: To begin with, it involved only females. It would be interesting to see if males are just as effected by uncertainty. Also, only initial attraction was measured. Once the women get to know the mysterious men better, the seductive spell may well have worn off. But as the researchers point out, the study still has real-world implications. Many people meet potential mates online and receive just as much information as the women did in this study.

When it comes to seduction, it seems one of the most potent forces is the allure of the unknown

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201101/the-most-powerful-law-attraction

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Is He Marriage Material? Six Signs That Tell If He Is

Would you like to know if the guy you are dating is marriage material? Are you falling in love and want to have a future with him? There are signs that can help you see your potential mate through a lens of both romance and reality. It's called being conscious and aware during the dating stage.

How do you know if he is the marrying kind? BEFORE you get intimately involved and think you want to marry someone, take a look at this checklist:

1. Ask him what he wants.

If he is inclined to think about marriage, this question will bring you the most honest response if you ask it on the first date. (Once someone is invested in you, they are going to tell you what you want to hear.) Remember: you are going to LISTEN and you are going to be conscious when your date talks.

If he says he is unable to think of spending his whole life with one person, can you let that in? For many people, this answer flips an ego switch that says, "I will be the one who will change this person's habits, their mind, and their plan for their life." If you think this, you are setting yourself up for disillusionment.

PASS this one by.

2. Look for signs of his honesty.

Do you want to marry him? Beware if he talks about how he cheated on his ex and shows very little guilt about it. You are kidding yourself if you think he wouldn't do it to you.

Other signs of honesty to look for are: does he lie to someone in order to look good? Does he tell the truth, even when it is hard to do? Does he bring things home from work that don't belong to him, and keep them? Does he lie about his age, his income, or even about who he's with?

This date can't be trusted. The first date should be the last one.

3. Is he nice to you, but talks behind other's backs?

Is he marriage material? Pay attention if he is extra sweet to you but makes mean remarks about other people. Guaranteed: some day, you will be his target too. If he says mean things, takes actions toward others that shock you, or reacts publicly or privately in unkind ways to people, you have a big problem on your hands.

What would a girl with strong self esteem do? She wouldn't date someone who could hurt her or others.

4. Is he responsible?

If you want to marry him, look to see if he takes care of his pets, plants, home, and family. Does he keep his word, show up on time, and do what he says he will? Is he is also financially responsible, doesn't spend extravagantly, or gamble?

5. Does he have friends?

If he is marriage material, he will meet new friends easily and sustain old friendships for a lifetime. It's hard to get through a life, a marriage, or a career without friends. You want someone who also welcomes your friends, as you welcome theirs.

6. Is he crazy about you?

And finally, you want someone who cares deeply about you. You want to be treasured, adored, respected, and loved.

If the feelings are mutual, and he has all of the above characteristics...keep him.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-He-Marriage-Material?-Six-Signs-That-Tell-If-He-Is&id=1797199

What Guys Look For in a Wife! Here Are the Things You Must Keep in Mind If You Want to Be Liked

Men believe that there are two types of women in this world- one, who they can have a loads of fun with and the other, who they can take home to meet their mothers. If you want to know what men look for in women who they see as potential wife material, then read on...

An independent woman
Firstly, times have changed and so have men. They really don't want the stay at home wife who only cooks and cleans for him. He wants a woman who is independent and values her career. He is supportive enough as she goes all out and does well in her chosen profession.

A real woman- not a diva 
Men also look for the real thing. As long as a woman is acting like a diva he will chase her. But the moment things get serious this diva has to morph into something more real...like a real human being who is reasonable and understanding. While the diva stuff can work when he begins to turn into a cave man, limit the prima donna attitude to only extreme times.

A woman in charge- not a nag 
Men like women who are in charge. They know that eventually the reigns of his life will fall in her hands and so, he wants to be with a woman who knows this truth but never throws it on his face. Also, abuse of power is very wrong so becoming a nag is definitely not going to help.

A supportive nature 
In the potential wife, men most definitely look for a supportive woman. This woman supports him in his career, and allows him to focus on his career than on anything else. This woman understands and identifies with the man's need to succeed in his chosen profession since it is his identity that is linked with it.

A spontaneous person 
Go with the flow...spontaneous...fun...these are all the things that men want their wives to be. He doesn't want his spouse to be a ticking timetable who refuses to budge if something isn't intimated to her well in advance.

A woman who knows them inside out 
He wants a woman to be his wife when he knows that she knows him inside out. Men, unlike women, take time to open up and once they have found a woman they can be completely comfortable with they start seeing the "wife material" in her. This woman knows all about him and his vulnerabilities and nurtures him accordingly.

A woman who can handle his life - family, friends, money and sex! 
Men also look for a woman who is diplomatic enough to handle his family and friends well; uses his money wisely and is great in bed!

http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Guys-Look-For-in-a-Wife!-Here-Are-the-Things-You-Must-Keep-in-Mind-If-You-Want-to-Be-Liked&id=4076809

Best Motivational Video - Be Phenomenal [HD]

Shark Tank Star Barbara Corcoran's Top 2 Public Speaking Tips

Petrified of public speaking? Believe it or not, Barbara Corcoran used to be, too, and she says there are only two ways to overcome this common fear: “One’s a trick and one’s putting in the time.”

The millionaire celebrity investor’s intense, candid confidence and charisma shine through on Shark Tank. But it wasn’t always that way for the 65-year-old serial entrepreneur -- not back in 1973 when she founded real-estate brokerage The Corcoran Group, which now cranks out an estimated $5 billion in annual sales.  

“When I was very young I used to be horribly afraid to get up on stage and talk,” she told Entrepreneur.com on the set of the popular, entrepreneurship-themed reality TV show. “I couldn't find my place. I stuttered. I had that terrible embarrassment... the kind where people lose their voice, nerves are frayed, your heart rate goes up. All of it.”    

If you can relate -- and who among us can’t, to a certain degree -- these two pro tips from Barbara’s own playbook should help:

1. Force yourself to do it and often.  When Barbara realized public speaking terrified her, she decided to eat the frog, as they say, and deal with the frog in her throat.

“You know what I did to get over it? I signed up to teach real estate at night, several nights a week.” And teach she did for six straight years, up in front of a classroom full of people staring right at her. She also forced herself to accept “every speaking engagement that came along, and you bet more and more did over time.”

Countless conference keynotes, lectures and Shark Tank smackdowns and victory cries later, Barbara says she’s now super smooth at the delicate art of elocution. “Now, I can give a speech like I’m in my pyjamas in my own bed. No big deal.”

Well, most of the time, which brings us to Barbara’s next public speaking tip.

2. Tell your audience you’re scared. Barbara said the following trick “worked wonders” for her years ago, the first time she forgot the words to a speech. Talk about mortifying, but it doesn't have to be. Here’s how you turn it around and quick: “Just say, ‘I’m sorry. Give me a minute, please. I’m scared.’”

You’ll be surprised just how quickly your audience will identify with you, Barbara says, and like you even more. “When I told people how I really felt up there, and didn't just act like a big shot, like I’m so cool… I could feel the love come at me. The audience instantly came over to my side. Let people see you stumble. They love it.”

Feel your fear, fail, and don’t be afraid to fail on stage. Just don’t forget to recover and quickly. Oh, and here’s a little secret, Barbara says she sometimes still uses this little trick today. “I fake it. I stand there and I go, oh, uh, um [dramatic sigh].” Well, maybe not any more now that this article is live.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/237696

6 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Either consciously or unconsciously, we make judgements about the professionalism, character and competence of others based on first impressions.

Just as you evaluate potential business partners, employees and personal acquaintances on your first-time encounter with them, others will judge you and your business by how you conduct yourself.

The best way to make a positive first impression, especially in business, is to embrace uncommon common sense. Many entrepreneurs overlook the importance of poise and professionalism. A few common courtesies will help you make a positive impression when you meet someone for the first time.

Use these six tips to guarantee you’ll make a great first, and lasting, impression — no matter the circumstance.

1. Prepare ahead of time. Preparation reduces anxiety and will help you show more authority. If you do your homework, you’ll have an enormous advantage over your competition. Before an important meeting, learn everything you can about your potential client and his or her unique approach to business. Familiarize yourself with the industry in which you’ll be working and brush up on current events. Visit the company website to learn more about the company’s history, staff and recent news releases. When you take the time to prepare, you’ll appear interesting and knowledgeable — two qualities that help make a good impression.

2. Find out who will attend the meeting. To go above and beyond, reach out to the meeting organizer to learn which stakeholders will be in attendance. Memorize each person’s name so you’ll be able to address everyone directly throughout the meeting. Log onto LinkedIn and learn more about each person and their background, as well as hobbies and interests. If you find you have something in common, use it as a way to break the ice with a little small talk before you move on to business.

3. Arrive a few minutes early. It’s important to be punctual, but when you arrive on time you send the clear message that you’re responsible, capable and respectful of others’ time. Those few extra minutes will give you the opportunity to go to the restroom, check your appearance and gain your composure before you walk into an important meeting. Always schedule extra time on your calendar to account for travel, traffic delays, inclement weather and finding a parking spot.

4. Suit up for success.

A professional appearance will enhance your personal brand. The more “put together” you appear, the more likely you will leave a positive impression. You don’t have to purchase expensive designer suits to look your best. Instead, invest in timeless classic pieces to create the foundation of your wardrobe. Always dress for your client’s comfort, not yours. If you’re meeting with a group of bankers, a dark suit is most appropriate. Some occasions, however, call for a more creative approach. It’s okay to show more of your personal style if you work in an artistic career or when you meet with a group of designers. Be sure your wardrobe consists of clothes that fit and flatter your body shape.

5. Give a firm handshake.

 In most cultures, a solid handshake carries a lot of weight. Your handshake should be warm, friendly and sincere. If it is too firm or too weak, you may convey a negative impression. If you’re seated when you’re introduced to someone, stand before you shake his or her hand — it shows respect for yourself and the person you’re meeting. Remember to keep it short and sweet; many people will become uneasy if a handshake lasts for more than a few seconds. Finally, be sure to smile and make eye contact as you shake hands. 

6. Listen effectively.

 

Attentive listening builds trust. Throughout your meeting, ask pertinent questions. When someone else speaks, make eye contact and show you’re fully engaged in what he is saying. Always allow others time to fully express themselves. If you interrupt or attempt to finish someone’s sentence, he may assume you’re in a hurry or feel you don’t respect his opinion. Effective listening skills will help you establish rapport with new clients and business partners.

http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/237361 

7 Quick Ways to Calm Down When You Are Overwhelmed

Do you need some quick and effective ways to calm down? Do you sometimes feel that you add items to your to-do list faster than you tick them off? Do you spend most of your day worrying about your lack of time?

The truth is, no matter how much we love our job, or how productive we believe we are under stress, there comes a moment when the pressure rises above boiling point. The sheer number of urgent tasks multiplies in a geometric progression. New possibilities no longer sound inspiring, they sound overwhelming and equal more work.

If that’s where you are right now – keep reading! If not, it doesn’t mean you should wait until you get there to learn how to cope with a demanding work schedule and how to calm yourself down quickly when you feel overwhelmed.

Here are 7 quick and easy ways to calm down when you are overwhelmed:

1. Let go of a few activities

Yes, it’s that easy! Take a look at your to-do list and ask yourself, “If I don’t do it today, will it matter a month from now?”

Not every urgent task is important. Just like not every important, high pay-off task is urgent. The best way to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed and to manage your time is to know the difference between the two and learn to simplify your life by getting your to-do list down to three big tasks.

2. Take deep breaths to calm down

This advice sounds so simple it’s often overlooked. But it works better (and faster) than any other relaxation technique out there. There is a direct connection between our emotional state and breathing. An anxious, frustrated or overwhelmed person breathes as if they have just finished running a marathon. A calm person breathes differently. Their breathing is deep, slow and steady. So the best way to bring your heart rate down and to regain your cool is to change your breathing.

Try this now: take a slow, deep breath in, filling your lungs with air and expanding your diaphragm. Hold your breath for four counts and then slowly release the air through your mouth. Repeat four times and notice frustration and the feeling of being overwhelmed dissolve with each long exhale.

3. Make “Just one thing” your mantra

When we feel overwhelmed by the amount of tasks on our to-do list, it’s easy to enter the ‘deer in the headlights’ state. You see deadlines approaching directly towards you, and you know that something has to be done about them, but you just don’t know where to start.

The best way to get your mind out of an ‘inactivity trance’ is to create momentum. This is what makes the “Just one thing” mantra so powerful. It helps to change our expectation that everything has to be completed right now, “or else.”

Next time you feel overwhelmed make grabbing a cup of coffee your “Just one thing.” You can do it, right? Then come back, pick one of the smallest tasks on your to-do list and tell yourself you’ll do just that one task. This is your next “Just one thing” that you will concentrate on until it’s complete. After that you can move on to the next task and so on.

Please note: It’s not “One thing at a time.” Saying this implies that there is a huge line of other tasks waiting to get done and that’s not the message you want to keep repeating to yourself.

4. Reduce the multi-tasking and multi-thinking

It’s been proven that multi-tasking is very inefficient, to the point of dumbing us down (more than smoking marijuana does). The same is true for multi-thinking, when your mind frantically jumps from one thought to another, trying to focus on and analyze several things all at once. Fortunately, there is help. A few minutes of meditation or brainwave music is all it takes to start feeling more relaxed, more creative and less overwhelmed.

5. Get moving

Any exercise you engage in – be it walking or dancing to your favorite beat – helps to pump some ‘feel-good’ hormones, called endorphins, through your body and to clear your mind. Staying active also increases your productivity, enhances your ability to cope with stress and helps you to vent nervous tension, boosting your mood and changing the thoughts that induce the sense of being overwhelmed.

The best part is you don’t have to spend hours in the gym to get the mind-soothing benefits of exercise. Even as little as 15 minutes of dancing or jogging can go a long way towards making you feel better and staying calmer.

6. Change your surroundings

We all need and deserve to take vacations from work woes and family responsibilities. Unfortunately, spending two weeks lazing on a beach, toes in the sand and a Mojito in hand, is not always an option. However, this doesn’t mean that we can’t take short ‘vacations’ from work stress and the technology buzz.

Go outside for a few minutes and enjoy the sunshine. Stop at a park instead of driving straight home from work. Sometimes changing your surroundings and ‘spicing up your routine’ is all it takes to change your perspective on things and find creative solutions to seemingly complex and overwhelming problems.

7. Get some pet therapy

Use pet therapy to calm down.

Studies have shown what most of us already guessed – our pets can be a great help during stressful moments. Simple actions such as petting or playing with your dog or cat can lower high blood pressure, improve your immune system and boost your mood. Besides, pets can make the best conversation partners to share your frustrations with. They listen, they love you unconditionally and they never talk back or say, “I told you so.”Extra tip: Don’t wait for stress to hit you to start practising these quick ways to calm down when you are overwhelmed. The best way to enjoy a worry-free life is not to push yourself to the limit of being overwhelmed and frustrated.What are your thoughts? What strategies help you to calm down quickly when you are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated?Most of the time you’ll take a break from your fast-paced life, then get right back on your horse and go back to getting things done. 

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/7-quick-ways-calm-down-when-you-are-overwhelmed.html

Change Your Words and Change Your World. How to stop using the language of powerlessness

Former actress Robin Givens, interviewed for a recent Time magazine article about partner abuse by celebrity athletes, described her experience of being beaten by heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson. Her choice of words reveals a verbal pattern that’s one of the telltale markers for the mindset of powerlessness. In the conceptual realm of psychosemantics, it’s known as displacement—switching from I pronouns to you pronouns.
Note the alternation between the two patterns in her quotes:

“People ask why I didn’t leave after I was hit the first time. . . . But you feel such inner turmoil and confusion. You want it to be only one time.”
“And for three days after that incident I did the right thing. I said, ‘Don’t call me. I never want to see you again.’ . . . . But then you start taking his phone calls. Then he asks to see you in person, and you say yes to that. Then you have a big giant man crying like a baby on your lap, and next thing you know, you’re consoling him.”

 The pronoun switching, typically unconscious, has the effect of priming the listener’s forgiveness, by projecting the inclination for the same self-defeating behavior upon the listener. “You might have done the same thing,” the syntax implies; “it wasn't my fault.” This is a fairly typical psychosemantic maneuver of abdication—surrendering the authority and responsibility to act in one’s own self-interest.
Listen to people who have power in and over their lives, and compare the language they use to the language of those who, for whatever reason, may feel disempowered. You’re likely to hear two subtly different narratives. One is the narrative of cause and effect. The other, figuratively, is the narrative of “effect and cause.”
Getting behind the words for a moment, we can recognize two distinctly different mindsets, or mental states. When someone is at the place of “cause,” psychologically speaking, he or she acts from an intention, seeks an outcome, and has a plan, however elementary it might be.
And when one is at the place of “effect,” one perceives and conceives of himself or herself as on the receiving end of the intentions and actions of others. Things are done to this person, not by them.
Let’s not over-generalize: Being “at effect” has its value at times. When someone is giving you a massage or some other pleasant sensory experience, “effect” is a great place to be. Being nurtured, comforted, and cared for can be a very satisfying experience.
The strategic choice, moment to moment, is whether to act from the place of cause or the place of effect. On average, you’re more powerful in your life when you act and react from the place of cause. Conversely, you may be a victim in your life to the extent that you refuse to take responsibility for your behavior and its consequences. Language behavior is just as real and revealing as any other kind of behavior. It telegraphs its state of origin.
So can you really change your attitudes about life just by changing the words you use to frame your thoughts? It might sound a bit simplistic, but consider that the structure of your language is the software of your brain—or, at least, one important kind of software.
Which comes first, a thought or the words that frame it? Many semanticists would claim that they arise simultaneously in the brain. When we habitually say something in a certain way, we’re predisposed to think about it in terms of the subtle implications of the words we’ve chosen. Language evokes thought, and thought evokes language.
You might begin by listening more carefully for the subtle cues of cause and effect—capacity and incapacity—in the conversations around you. “My girlfriend treats me like dirt"; “My parents never let me do what I want to"; "Yes, he has a bad temper, but I can’t leave him right now; he needs me"; "I was trying to lose weight, but I fell off the wagon"; "I can’t afford that right now.”
The language of powerlessness seems to pervade much of the popular culture and its discourse, even its music. And not just today: Remember, one of Frank Sinatra’s best-known songs was “You’re Nobody ‘til Somebody Loves You.”
But today, too many political activists preach a victim narrative to their target audiences. “Society,” they tell their listeners, is somehow holding them back, keeping them down, preventing them from participating in the good life. But maybe it’s really the speakers, and their disempowering narrative, holding them back.
There’s a lot more to the psychology of cause and effect, but a good starting point for most of us would be to clean up our language. The famous motivational psychologist Norman Vincent Peale often said, “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” Maybe it’s time to update that advice: Change your words, and you change your world.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brainsnacks/201409/change-your-words-and-change-your-world

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5 Surprising Habits Of The World's Wealthiest People.

We tend to think of the world's super rich as super successful, disciplined people who work harder and have greater opportunities than the average person.

Though money isn't always a measure of success, you can't deny that those who have amassed billions have experienced great successes in their lives and careers.

They must do certain things to achieve this success, right? They're better at achieving their goals. They live healthier lifestyles and can manage stress better than other people. They're classy and influential and exist in a whole other universe.

Billionaires are just people, and some of their habits may surprise you. It's not all caviar lunches, regimented scheduling, and the lap of luxury.

Here are some of the surprising habits of the wealthiest people on the planet:

1. They swim against the tide.

Becoming super successful means you need to outperform everyone else at whatever you're doing, right?

Nope. It often means you shouldn't even be playing their game. Billionaires aren't better than others; they're doing something different than the others.

Warren Buffett amassed his fortune by buying investments and businesses when everyone else wanted out. Bill Gates didn't want to build the types of programs everyone else was focused on; he wanted to build something people hadn't even thought of yet but would realize they needed as soon as they experienced it.

If it seems as if you're stuck in a rat race and constantly trying to outdo the next person, break away from the pack. Your ideas might have little to no support, but big rewards require big risk. If others don't understand your vision, it doesn't mean it's your vision that is wrong.

2. They are frugal.

Mark Zuckerberg drives a Volkswagen GTI. That's right, the founder and CEO of Facebook, who's worth an estimated $33 billion, drives a $30,000 car.

We often think of the super wealthy as indulgent, with opulent and even wasteful lifestyles. In truth, many billionaires are shrewd businesspeople who are incredibly frugal and personally accountable for their expenditures. Google co-founder Sergey Brin, for example, still shops at Costco.

Azim Premji, chairman of Wipro Limited, is worth an estimated $12.2 billion but still drives an inexpensive car. He's said to travel by rickshaw to and from the Bangalore airport for business trips.

It flies in the face of the stereotype to have many billionaires actually be very frugal. In American culture, we tend to crave the flashy cars, the big houses, and all the toys. Billionaires are adept at making money but at keeping it as well, and part of that means living below their means for many.

Flickr/sodaniecheaCharlie Ergen, chairman of Dish Network, packs his own sandwich every day.

3. They do for themselves.

The Hollywood stereotype of the über-rich might have left you thinking billionaires don't do anything for themselves. They have dog walkers, maids, assistants, butlers, and drivers to take care of the monotonous chores of everyday life.

Contrary to this image, billionaires often do just fine fending for themselves. Dish Network chairman Charlie Ergen, worth an estimated $16.3 billion, still packs his own lunch every day! He told the Financial Times he prefers a sandwich and a Gatorade.

It's true that the super successful often surround themselves with supportive people — they understand they can't do everything on their own. But this doesn't mean they're helpless or lazy when it comes to doing the same things each day that regular people do.

4. They fail on a regular basis.

Show me a billionaire who has succeeded at every single thing he or she has ever tried — go on, name one.

Everyone has failures and successes. Billionaires often fail at epic scale, thanks to the sheer size of the deals and investments they're involved in. The trick is, they understand that failure is just a bump in the road on the path to greater success.

Hotel magnate Kirk Kerkorian, at 97 years old, is worth an estimated $4.4 billion. Over the course of his lengthy career, he's made and lost millions many times over. Best known for helping to shape Las Vegas, Kerkorian also had a tumultuous relationship with the auto industry, including massive losses in his Ford stock during the 2008 economic crisis. Still, he kept taking risks and continues to this day.

Billionaires know that you have to fail sometimes. They just become more adept at it.

Flickr / USAG- HumphreysEven the super wealthy can't afford to eat whatever they want. They place a premium on taking care of themselves.

5. They take better care of themselves.

If you had an unlimited income, you could eat whatever you wanted! Again, there's a stereotype that the super wealthy can be gluttonous or partake in lavish, rich meals that the rest of us can only dream of and then lay around all day.

Sure, they can afford whatever they want, yet best-selling author Tom Corley points out that 70% of the wealthy consume less than 300 junk food calories per day, compared with 3% of less-affluent people. They get more exercise, too — Corley puts the percentage of the wealthy who do aerobic exercise at least four days a week at 76%, compared with just 23% of the poor.

David Murdock, chairman of Dole Foods, recently told Forbes he expects to live to 125 (he's 90 now), thanks to his diet and healthy lifestyle. A vegetarian since his 60s, Murdock is more active than many people half his age. He's an advocate of daily physical exercise and still rides horses, practices yoga, and does weight training.

Billionaires aren't some alien life form or even anomalies as people. Their habits may be much the same as yours and contradict everything you've come to expect about how the 1% live!

http://www.businessinsider.com/habits-of-the-worlds-wealthiest-people-2014-9?utm_content=buffer380ce&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

101 Inspirational Quotes From Super Successful People

The world's most successful people are known and celebrated for all different things.

Some are famous for their skills and talents, while others are distinguished for their courage or profound impact on society.

But one thing many of the world's most successful people have in common is their ability to inspire others.

Here are 101 inspirational quotes from highly successful people:

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." —Mahatma Gandhi

"Success is most often achieved by those who don't know that failure is inevitable." —Coco Chanel

"Courage is grace under pressure." —Ernest Hemingway

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." —Albert Einstein

"Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others." —Ellen DeGeneres

"It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop." —Confucius

"Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago." —Warren Buffett

REUTERS/Mario AnzuoniWarren Buffett.

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." —Dr. Seuss 

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." —Mae West

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible." —Christopher Reeve

"There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires." —Nelson Mandela

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart." —Helen Keller

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." —Mahatma Gandhi

"The difference between winning and losing is most often not quitting." —Walt Disney

"When you cease to dream you cease to live." —Malcolm Forbes

"May you live every day of your life." —Jonathan Swift

"Failure is another steppingstone to greatness." —Oprah Winfrey

"If you're not stubborn, you'll give up on experiments too soon. And if you're not flexible, you'll pound your head against the wall and you won't see a different solution to a problem you're trying to solve." —Jeff Bezos

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." —Coco Chanel 

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." —Wayne Gretzky

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." —Dolly Parton

"The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes." —Frank Lloyd Wright

"You must expect great things of yourself before you can do them." —Michael Jordan

"You can't please everyone, and you can't make everyone like you." —Katie Couric

David Shankbone/flickrKatie Couric

"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine." —Neil Armstrong 

"Don't limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve." —Mary Kay Ash 

"If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything." —Malcolm X

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." —Mark Twain

"It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong." —Abraham Lincoln

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." —William Edward Hickson

"As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others." —Audrey Hepburn

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." —John Quincy Adams

"If you are going through hell, keep going." —Winston Churchill

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate." —Oprah Winfrey

"A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work." —Colin Powell

"The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that's changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks." —Mark Zuckerberg

"Do one thing every day that scares you." —Eleanor Roosevelt

"The purpose of our lives is to be happy." —Dalai Lama

"Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great." —John D. Rockefeller

"Don't worry about failure; you only have to be right once." —Drew Houston 

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." —Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you can never see the shadow." —Helen Keller

"One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody." —Mother Teresa

"Identity is a prison you can never escape, but the way to redeem your past is not to run from it, but to try to understand it, and use it as a foundation to grow." —Jay-Z

"If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased." —Katharine Hepburn

"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." —Walt Disney

Associated PressWalt Disney.

"I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward." —Charlotte Bronte

"Don't count the days, make the days count." —Muhammad Ali

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen." —Michael Jordan 

"Life is short, and it is here to be lived." —Kate Winslet 

"Everything you can imagine is real." —Pablo Picasso

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek." —Barack Obama 

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." —George Eliot

"If you love what you do and are willing to do what it takes, it's within your reach. And it'll be worth every minute you spend alone at night, thinking and thinking about what it is you want to design or build." —Steve Wozniak

"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud." —Maya Angelou

"In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you." —Deepak Chopra 

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." —Thomas A. Edison

"We should remember that just as a positive outlook on life can promote good health, so can everyday acts of kindness." —Hillary Clinton

"As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others." —Bill Gates

"There are no mistakes, only opportunities." —Tina Fey (from her book, "Bossypants")

"We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone." —Ronald Reagan

"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." —Oscar Wilde

"In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity." —Albert Einstein

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." —Nelson Mandela

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." —Steve Jobs

"But you have to do what you dream of doing even while you're afraid." —Arianna Huffington

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace." —Jimi Hendrix

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." —Maya Angelou APMaya Angelou.

"If you can do what you do best and be happy, you're further along in life than most people." —Leonardo DiCaprio

"Success isn't about how much money you make. It's about the difference you make in people's lives." —Michelle Obama

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." —Warren Buffett

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." —George Bernard Shaw

"The best way of learning about anything is by doing." —Richard Branson

"Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction." —John F. Kennedy 

"Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back." —Babe Ruth

"Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." —Harriet Tubman

"What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." —Napoleon Hill

"A champion is afraid of losing. Everyone else is afraid of winning." —Billie Jean King

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." —Benjamin Franklin

"If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person." —Bill Clinton

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." —Martin Luther King, Jr.

"As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it, as long as you really believe 100 percent." —Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come." —Ellen DeGeneres

"Your voice can change the world." —Barack Obama

APPresident Barack Obama.

"The more you dream, the farther you get." —Michael Phelps

"You must do the things you think you cannot do." —Eleanor Roosevelt

"Every moment is a fresh beginning." —T.S. Eliot

"A hero is someone who understands the responsibility that comes with his freedom." —Bob Dylan

"If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes." —Andrew Carnegie

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." —Frederick Douglass

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference." —Robert Frost (from his poem "The Road Not Taken")

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." —J. K Rowling (from "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets") 

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." —Martin Luther King, Jr. 

"The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don't wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope." —Barack Obama

"If something is important enough, even if the odds are against you, you should still do it." —Elon Musk

REUTERS/Brendan McDermidElon Musk.

"Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested. Have the courage to accept that you're not perfect, nothing is and no one is — and that's OK." —Katie Couric 

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." —Henry Ford 

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." —e. e. cummings

"Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious." —Stephen Hawking

"Nothing truly valuable arises from ambition or from a mere sense of duty; it stems rather from love and devotion towards men and towards objective things." —Albert Einstein 

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." —Robert Frost

http://www.businessinsider.com/inspirational-quotes-from-successful-people-2014-8