What Are You So Angry About? 3 Steps to Identifying the Roots of Anger

Do you ever have trouble figuring out why you're angry or where it came from? You thought you were doing fine just minutes ago and then something provokes you and you maybe lash out, attack back, get snide or sarcastic, lecture somebody, insult them, grumble and gossip, plot revenge, or even fume or pout quietly. Anger has many looks and shades to it, doesn't it? How are you at even identifying when you are angry? I ask because it is quite difficult to sort out the causes and meanings of our anger if we aren't able to be aware of when we are experiencing it.

Step one: Identifying Anger

Maybe I have trouble identifying anger because I don't want to believe I am getting angry, or I really don't want to see how often I do. Maybe I believe that anger is bad or wrong? Some people do. Maybe I deny my anger because I am afraid of my anger or what I may do, or what people will think of me? Also common. Maybe I see it as embarrassing or losing self control? Maybe I had experienced being on the receiving end of anger and I told myself that I would never be angry like that? And so, what do I do? I either justify it or re-label it. Meaning I either focus on the external cause and blame my poor reaction on that, or I find a way to make it something else, something more acceptable. I may convert my anger into passive aggression, grudge holding and revenge, or with women in particular, maybe convert anger into tears. Another way we may convert our anger is to somaticize our emotions, which means converting them into physical symptoms, such as muscle tension, digestive problems, high blood pressure, or fatigue.

But re-labeling or converting my anger into something else and avoiding it only exacerbates the problem and doesn't help me to learn about the source of my anger and how to address it and manage my emotions in healthy ways. Step one means that I simply need to sift through my methods of avoidance and be willing to say - "I am angry". Becoming a less angry person sometimes actually involves a process in which you first get more angry. You're not really getting more angry, but it will seem that way as you become more aware of the anger you already have. The idea is to be able to do this without recriminations. I may feel guilty about how I reacted, and if I threw someone under the bus, and was unfair, then that would be appropriate. But, the reality of feeling anger and owning it is the goal here.

Step Two: Getting Underneath My Anger

Anger is considered a secondary emotion. What that means is that anger usually is representative of another emotion behind and underneath it. Now that I've identified that I am angry, I want to follow the trail back to the source, the root. I remind myself that my anger is telling me something about what is going on inside of me emotionally. My attitude is to play detective. Why? Why not just squash this unwanted emotion? Simply put, to the degree that I don't understand the roots or meanings of my anger is the degree to which I will be unhappy and disgruntled throughout my life. I realize that this can be hard work, but it really will be worth it to you.

How do I do this?

1. Ask yourself good questions about the meanings of your anger. What is it about what that person said or did? Seek descriptive words or metaphors to parse out your feelings.

2. Think back through your thoughts or perceptions concerning the event. How did I interpret the situation? Did I perceive an attack, or a slight? Did I feel rejected or misunderstood? Did I begin to go through worst case scenarios in my mind?

3. Try to recall times when you felt similarly to help you identify the meaning.

4. If you get stuck or come up blank, seek out a safe, trusted friend to help you talk it out and ask you probing questions.

Two common links to anger are hurt and disappointment. But since these are perceived as vulnerable or weak feelings, we are conditioned in our society to hide such feelings. One such way to hide them is to convert them into anger.

Step Three: Live Authentically

In Brene' Brown's Book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she refers to courage, and she explains that the word originally meant to "speak one's mind by telling all one's heart." 1 The author goes on to describe elements that are so important to becoming more authentic and emotionally healthy, and this notion of courageously being vulnerable leads the way. See, now that I have delved in and found out that there is something underneath my anger, something that's often more vulnerable - something like disappointment or loss or hurt - now I don't like that much. Now, I'm rather mad at that guy who wrote that article about anger! Although now I get why I gravitate to anger! Anger feels safer and less painful than feeling my vulnerability. But, the cat is now officially out of the bag. You can either move forward and address the underneath stuff, or you could go back and keep utilizing anger to cover up those things. One way leads to reduced anger and irritability and resentment and a better you. You already know which one is which.

Funny thing, but just acknowledging your underneath stuff actually helps. Just by being honest with yourself about your hurts is the beginning to healing them. Honesty matters. It means I am valuing my heart. Next comes daring to value and honor my heart with others. Yeah, it is risky. But learning that not everyone will respect your vulnerably also I think means finding out that some people will. And living authentically with those who respect you - that brings healing to our hurts and losses.

The Wrap Up

None of the steps are easy. If they were, we wouldn't be such an angry, disgruntled culture. That culture does present a challenge that you'll need to swim upstream against. There are plenty of folks who don't like someone being vulnerable. And I'll tell you the real reason why. It's not because vulnerable people are weak and so looked down upon and deserve to be trampled by the strong. Oh no. Sadly, reality is the opposite. It is true strength to be vulnerable and those without it fear it because it exposes them and shows what real strength and courage is. So it is mocked and referred to as weakness. You know, it's kind of like a dictator fearing that the people will figure out that if they rise up they would have more power than him. Personal maturity, emotion health, spiritual maturity are not lifted up by the world in general. God tells us not to be surprised by this in the Biblical book of I Peter. Jesus himself was not respected by the masses. But those who chose to get to know you will appreciate it. And you will be freer and more patient and more at peace. And you in the end just may discover that becoming less angry may make you less popular (only to some, mind you), and still happier and more content.

1. Brown, Brene', The Gifts of Imperfection (Center City, MN. Hazelden, 2010), 12.

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4 Ways to Reduce Stress in the Workplace

Some stress is good for us; it keeps us on our toes, allows us to think outside the box and come up with new, innovative ideas on occasion. However, a recent survey on work-related stress, anxiety and depression (the Labour Force Survey 2016) found that the number of days lost in 2016 due to stress-related issues was 11.7 million days, equating to 45% of all working days lost to ill-health.

Let's look at four areas where there can be stress in the workplace.

- Stress and your work. Do you feel that you understand what is expected of you, that you've been trained well enough? Perhaps you feel that your work is mundane, that your boss doesn't pass on the interesting or challenging tasks, preferring to keep them for him or herself. Those employees who have no responsibility or autonomy can become increasingly stressed, bored or frustrated.

A lack of recognition and appreciation can also result in people feeling stressed. What can be done about it, are there ways to resolve this matter? You could suggest team meetings, social events or group training exercises, especially if you're part of a business that works part-time, varied shift patterns or random hours.

Could you speak to the human resources department? Does your company have a staff appraisal scheme to monitor and motivate staff? If so, you could use this as an opportunity to flag up your desire for more training or greater challenges and responsibility.

- Stress and your colleagues and co-workers. Many people make good friends at work, on the basis that they spend more time there than anywhere else. But sometimes bosses, colleagues and co-workers can be the source of much stress. Personalities and egos can run amok in a work environment, causing anger, frustration and sleepless nights.

Sometimes it's important to step back from our work relationships and assess what they really mean to us, how much of ourselves we're disclosing, compromising or perhaps selling ourselves short. It's interesting that when an ex-colleague returns to visit there's frequently little to discuss beyond the initial pleasantries; work relationships can be transient.

If your relationships at work are stressful try to deal with the underlying reasons. If someone's attitude is bullying or aggressive decide to keep a log of their behaviour, along with dates and times. This evidence can support any complaint you may choose to make in the future and help you to feel more in control.

If you find your co-workers to be an impenetrable clique that you can't or don't want to join, find positive ways to entertain yourself during breaks. Or perhaps you're stressed because you're regularly given the unpleasant, boring or thankless jobs. Find ways to address this by speaking up, becoming more assertive or finding an ally.

What about times when you feel isolated and alone in the workplace? An increasing number of people work by themselves, either from home or as consultants, perhaps frequently commuting away from home. It can be stressful and lonely at times. Finding a shared or co-working, hot-desking office to work from can add companionship and support.

- Stress and Sunday nights. 25% adults struggle with Sunday night insomnia, stressed about Monday's commute to work, finding a parking space or what to expect during the coming week. The workplace can become less stressful by introducing advance planning, perhaps taking thirty minutes on a Sunday afternoon to check emails, plan your diary and run through an overview of the forthcoming days. Then if new, unexpected items arise, you'll have a clearer idea of how and where to fit them into your schedule. And you should sleep better, too, on those Sunday nights.

- Stress and your work/life balance. It can be tough to focus on work if you've distractions at home or in your personal life. If you've got issues with your partner, children, close friends or elderly relatives it can be hard to concentrate on doing a good job, especially if you feel unsupported, unappreciated or that your work has little real value or relevance.

Communicate your concerns. Partners will usually understand if you discuss how you're feeling. Bosses at work may be sympathetic if you share that you're going through a difficult, short-term problem. Consider ways to manage the situation. Might it be valid to work part-time for a while, occasionally work from home or ask for more support?

Learning to be more assertive about your free and personal time may enable you to find ways to enjoy some stressfree fun and relaxation. Then you can share your time with the people who matter, doing what you enjoy.

In spite of everything it may be that you feel the best option is for you to change your job. Yes, some stress can be good for us; it tests us, pushes us to greater endeavours, but as a long-term way of life stress becomes harmful and damaging to our mental and physical health.

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Myths Surrounding Drug Abuse and Addiction

Misconceptions and wrong information often fuel drug abuse, leading to addiction. Despite being an emotional issue, drug addiction is mostly surrounded by conflicting views. Moreover, portrayal of the stereotypical drug addict in movies and television has given rise to a plethora of misconceptions which divert the reality, creating problems for both the addict and the society.

Due to the prevailing misrepresentations about addiction, many addicts have to let go of their hopes of sobriety. Some of the most common myths that go around about drugs and alcohol are:

Myth 1: A typical drug user is a vile creature

The stereotypical image of a drug user that one visualizes is of a shabby-looking criminal living in the poverty-stricken bad side of town. A person dependent on drugs has the habit of mouthing obscenities and does not spend time on personal hygiene. However, studies have shown that drug addiction is a mental illness that can change the brain chemistry as well as the memory processes.

Myth 2: There is no way out of drugs

The old saying that "a leopard does not change its spots" is certainly not applicable in this case. Many success stories have, time and again, proven that even those who are neck deep into drugs can also return to sobriety, provided they get proper treatment and care.

Myth 3: Relapse is part of recovery

Though true in certain cases, a number of individuals have successfully come out of their addiction problem after undergoing proper recovery process at a drug rehab facility. Due to the prevailing fear of relapse, people often give up the fight against compulsive and even uncontrollable drug use.

Myth 4: Only hardcore drug abusers need treatment

Many drug abusers usually hit the rock bottom before going to the rehab, but this is not a rule. Recovery happens at all stages of addiction. Those who hit the rock bottom have to lose everything and even face the risk of death before they make it to the rehab.

Myth 5: Addiction is a sign of moral weakness

Drug addiction is a chronic mental illness that can change the way a person's brain functions. Many a time, genetic predisposition also plays a major role in addiction, apart from other common factors, such as environmental, developmental, and other psychological factors. Thus, it is inappropriate to describe addiction as a reflection of one's moral character.

Myth 6: Anything prescribed by a doctor is safe

Many prescription drugs are highly addictive and powerful, with chemical structures identical to heroin. In fact, if prescription drugs are abused, they may become the gateway to heroin and other street drugs.

Myth 7: Only hard drugs are lethal, the others are not that bad

While heroin, cocaine and methamphetamine are infamous for their life-threatening consequences, there are numerous other substances or intoxicants that can cause addiction and dependence leading to several impaired body functions and other mental health-related disorders. Alcohol is a classic example of a socially accepted and popular substance which can be lethal if abused.

There is hope

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YOU are a Spiritual Being | Bob Proctor

Building Confidence Isn't Easy - But There's Hope

Theoretically, building confidence shouldn't be complicated. And theoretically, confidence coaching shouldn't be necessary.

The key word here, of course, is theoretically.

Because in practice, things act differently. - Like they often do.

Building confidence should be easy. Because the principles aren't very hard to grasp.

Most of us even know most of them. In fact, here are a bunch of great principles for confidence, straight from the top of my head:

• Have a goal in life that you continually work towards
• Evaluate yourself continually
• Practice active appreciation towards life and your resources
• Learn something new every day
• Stop comparing yourself to others
• Do something you're passionate about
• See the possibilities, not the limitations
• Get out of your comfort zone and do things that unsettle you
• Practice physical exercise 20-30 minutes daily
• Meditate 10-20 minutes daily
• Eat lots of vegetables, legumes, whole grains, fibres and protein
• Don't eat processed foods, junk foods, starchy carbs, saturated fats, candy, cake, etc.
• Don't smoke or do excessive amounts of drugs and alcohol
• Sleep 7-8 hours every night
• Surround yourself with people who support and affirm you
• Shun people who bring you down and hold you back
• Stand up for yourself, speak up when you want to, fear nothing, never give up, accept what you cannot change, etc.

I could go on, but hopefully you get the point.

... Which is, like I said, that by far most normal people know by far most of these things already. I mean, most of these points are common sense and knowledge.

Why, then, is building confidence so hard for some people?

Because there's a difference between "easy" and "simple".

Casually sketching the formula for a great life is, in fact, almost insultingly easy. However, carrying it out in practice is what's hard. And, for many people, downright impossible without help.

The good news, then, is that it's simple.

In fact, building confidence is like building muscle. It's hard, and it takes effort, but it gets easier over time and if done consistently.

Also, what I've found is that the same principle goes for the vast majority of people: It doesn't matter as much what you specifically do with your life rather than the fact that you do it while you maintain building confidence.

In fact, if you keep building confidence continually, it won't matter much what you do, because you'll be able to do pretty much anything. And you'll be confident enough to calmly accept the things you cannot do -- for now, anyway.

It's like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, or even owning a car: If you want it to keep working, you gotta maintain it.

Yes, it's hard. Yes, it'll take time and effort. But that's no reason not to do it anyway. Because there is no such reason. There is only the excuses that we make for ourselves out of fear.

ACTION ITEM:

This week, get out of your comfort zone. Do just ONE thing that really scares you, but which you really want to do. It could be talking to someone about a problem; or how you feel about them. It could be walking up to a complete stranger asking for directions. As long as it's something that really unsettles you.

Why would we do something like this? Because, when practiced regularly, getting out of our comfort zone makes us grow. It strengthens us and makes us more confident. So for goodness' sakes: Do it, and keep it up.

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The Meaning of Life

A seeker goes to Nepal and climbs into the Himalayas to find a teacher, a guru he's heard about. After months of searching and struggle, he finds the famous man, and asks his burning question: "What is the meaning of life?"

"The meaning of life is a bridge," replies the wise man.

The seeker is incensed. "Wait a minute, what kind of dumb answer is that? I struggled and fought to get here, and that's all you have to say? A bridge? That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!"

The guru blinked, looked at him and said, "You mean... it's not a bridge?"

Most of my clients come to me, not searching for the meaning of life, but focused on some crisis in their lives: a relationship disaster, marriage or family problems, lack of direction and motivation, some huge loss for which they're grieving, an emotional problem such as anxiety or depression, or perhaps even for help in recovering from an addiction. The first thing we do is sort through the crisis, handle immediate problems, and get everything settled down, then we embark on an extended process of figuring out how the problem happened and what must change to keep it from happening again. Once those things are handled, there's a period of bliss or euphoria, when life is working for the first time, they feel successful, calmer, more in charge. Most clients leave at this time.

Then, frequently, they come back asking "Now that I'm in charge of myself, and have a lot of extra energy, because life is a lot easier and my relationships are working, it feels like I'm missing something-what am I doing here?"

This begins a spiritual search for meaning, which I've written about in a couple of books-The Real 13th Step, and The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty.

People for whom the basics of life are already established need more: they need a sense of meaning and a higher purpose than just survival. Once self-confidence and self-esteem are established, you'll need a challenge to feel satisfied, a way to express your uniqueness and individuality to yourself, to friends, and to the world.

But if your life's purpose is not evident to you already, how do you find out what it is? Where does a sense of purpose come from? It comes from within you, and is not imposed or chosen from outside. Your purpose may be your livelihood, or it may have nothing to do with how you make a living. Your purpose may be a simple one, like making a good, healthy life for yourself and your children, or it may be more dramatic, and based on what you learned by healing your own childhood experience. Many people know that inner purpose has the power to transform anxiety, anger, fear and rage into powerful, life-affirming action:

Dr. Bernie Siegel, a cancer specialist, was discouraged and frustrated about the lack of success of medicine against cancer. He challenged the focus of the medical establishment by looking at patients who had experienced "miracle cures" and "spontaneous remissions." Although he was ridiculed by his peers, he persevered, and out of it he developed a new way of enlisting the patient's own healing capability, outlined in his book, Love, Medicine and Miracles.

Cleve Jones turned his rage, bitterness and grief about AIDS into the Names Project Memorial Quilt, which has helped people throughout the world express, heal and understand the grief resulting from this tragic epidemic.

After her thirteen-year-old daughter was killed by a drunken driver, Candy Lightner used the power of her grief and rage to found Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), to combat the problem and prevent the senseless deaths of other children.

Sojourner Truth, an African-American and former slave, was instrumental in developing the Underground Railway to guide slaves to freedom before and during the American Civil War.

Ron Kovic, paralyzed from the waist down as a soldier in Vietnam, turned first to alcoholism, but then recovered and channeled his resentment and rage into anti-war protest, and later wrote the best selling book and Oscar-winning movie script, Born on the Fourth of July.

A life purpose gives you the means to control your destiny, no matter what the force of the hardships you have incurred. Most of the world's spiritual thinkers have said that the wisdom guiding each of us is available if we just listen and trust what we hear. You may already be having many ideas but not be trusting them or taking them seriously. Perhaps when you get an idea what your "job on earth", or life's purpose is, you are too distrustful of yourself, (I can't do that) or too hopeless and helpless to believe it or act on it. Your purpose may make itself clear to you in one instant flash, or gradually, as if you are following clues, one at a time. Whether you get it all at once or a piece at a time, it will still take work and experience to bring it about. Inner wisdom is not rational or practical in nature, but more intuitive and spiritual. It can provide a way to see the big picture, or a more detached and objective viewpoint of the issues and problems of life. Each new idea must be tested through practical use, to see how it works. Step by step, using both intuitive wisdom and clear thinking, you can bring your inner motivation to the surface and use it to create what you want. Your combination of inspiration expressed through action becomes the bridge to the meaning of your own life. - From It Ends with You

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Are We Really Stressed Or Did We Imagine It?

Most of us know that we all need some levels of stress in life, this is called the healthy stress levels. It helps to push us to peak performance. BUT too much of it, and there is a very thin line, it pushes into the bad stress area.

All of us, are all too familiar with the experience of stress. The thing is stress can easily be managed, if we understand it.

For example, when we have a long to-do list, we may immediately experience stress because we are thinking of the amount of work that needs to be done. So my question to you is: is the thought of doing the work, or the actual doing of the work causing you stress?

If you ponder upon this, you will realise that it is the thought of it that is causing the stress.

Personally, I love to do lists, and this is what I do on a daily basis, to make sure that tasks are done and completed at the end of the day. Looking at the list no longer make me sweat because I have come to realise that the actual doing of the work is pretty easy and sometimes mechanical (depending on what kind of tasks and especially for tasks that are familiar and and repetitive). Some of the tasks can be performed as a form of meditation even.

It is the thinking of the to do lists, and the imagined stress that is causing the actual stress! Isn't that interesting? In other words, we have worked ourselves up into a frenzy.

We imagine the worst, we imagine how things could go wrong, we imagine how we may make someone angry, we imagine losing a client, and so on. And we say we have no imagination.

So with these, our stress levels go up and we most probably fall into the bad stress area -- we start to experience low energy, headaches, upset stomach (diarrhea, constipation etc), aches and pains, chest pain and heart palpitations, insomnia, frequent colds and infections, loss of sexual desire or ability.

Are you feeling stressed just by reading the above list?

We are so powerful in causing ourselves pain. BUT the good news is, we are equally powerful in causing ourselves joy, happiness and peace. It is a conscious choice we have to make but it does not happen automatically.

The method is simple to do, but it may be challenging at the beginning because we have lived a certain way for so long, re-learning is the challenge.

The simple method is this: When you think about your to-do lists, do not engage your emotions into it if you have trouble experiencing joy from the list. Simply look at the list as if you are watching the waves on the beach. And then go about doing what needs to be done -- one at a time. Any time you feel the stress levels go up because you are starting to think about how much you need to do, or that it is unfair you are doing all these, or whatever negative thoughts that are not helpful surface, focus on your breathing and drink lots of water!

Now, there are also other types of stress -- the type that has been embedded within our psyche from our childhood. It could be a bad experience, childhood trauma or even stress experienced by our care givers that we have absorbed into our own system. These type of stress has to be dealt with in therapy. The long term effect, mixed with our own imagined stress from modern living can turn the stress into high levels of toxicity and then manifesting itself as diseases. This is an entirely different topic but I thought I should acknowledge that this level of stress is real. Perhaps we will explore more of this at a later time.

So deep breathing and drinking water are the two easiest things to do. Do not under estimate the positive impact they have on us, physically, emotionally, mentally and also spiritually.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Are-We-Really-Stressed-Or-Did-We-Imagine-It?&id=10003256

Behavior-Based Goals 101

Setting goals isn't complicated, but like everything else, there is a right and wrong way to go about it. Making intentions to change your behavior - whether it's to decrease procrastination or be friendlier when you're under stress - can be a lot trickier than creating them to change performance. Here are a few tips to get you started.

Focus on Future Performance

It's cause and effect - today's behavior affects tomorrow's performance. If you're having trouble meeting a performance-based goal you've set for yourself, consider that you might need to change a behavior instead. For instance, many people set targets to increase productivity. But regardless of how fast you type, if you spend all morning surfing the web you'll never meet your intention.

When it comes to behavior-based goals, your focus should be on future performance. Go out of your way executing your behavior-based intentions, stay consistent, and really work hard on changing the ways you handle stress or deal with interpersonal relationships. As you change your behaviors, the results will come.

Give Yourself Time

In some ways, changing your behavior is a lot harder than just increasing your productivity. How we feel, think, and react is second nature to us in a way that answering a certain amount of emails before lunch isn't. So don't be too hard on yourself if you aren't seeing the behavioral changes you want overnight.

Give yourself a realistic amount of time to make changes. You'll find it's difficult to change a behavior all at once. The most important thing is that you improve a little bit every day. Don't give up on your intentions, but don't get upset with yourself if it's harder to stick to behavior-based goals than it is to performance-based ones.

Measure Your Progress

Behavior-based objectives are harder to quantify than performance-based ones for a few reasons. It's not always easy to assign a number value to interpersonal skills or teamwork. It can be hard to track the ways you manage your time or communicate. Sometimes, behavior-based objectives are really subjective. But keeping track of your progress is important if you want to improve.

You may really need to get creative in order to measure your progress, and you'll definitely need to embrace the subjectivity of the process. Write down your thoughts and feelings. Rather than making charts and graphs, consider journaling to keep track of your positive and negative behaviors.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Behavior-Based-Goals-101&id=10065083

Guided Meditation Large Sums Of Money Come To Me Easily And Quickly

The Magical Life

You have got to believe in something inside and outside of yourself, I realize that, for life to mean anything. But, here is the catch to that simple sentence: You have got to think for yourself about what you believe in, you have got to know for yourself if it works or not. The responsibility to lead yourself in where you go falls on you as it falls on me. Sure, I could write in a less blunt way about this subject. Indeed, though, I would genuinely feel I am doing you wrong and creating bad cause and effect for myself (Bad Karma). So, I am going to endeavor here to tell the honest truth, and create good cause and effect for myself (Good Karma).

When we look at things with a different and more conscientious consciousness and genuinely think for ourselves, everything becomes easy not to take for granted, even a normal church day on Sunday becomes wonderfully magical where God or Intuition speaks through normal situations that take on a whole new meaning, right down to prayer and affirmations of faith and belief. So, I will skip to this look for the magical in all things normal and strange, and magic there will be, right down to simply and consciously enjoying a normal day in genuine ways that does not take things for granted. To lift a line from singer Paul Simon, medicine is magical and magical is art, and I genuinely believe magic can be found anywhere, everywhere and all the time if we just genuinely perceive it, act on it, affirm it and appreciate it.

When I think about all of the above, I cannot take a thing for granted, not even my relationship with my Mom. Although things do get a little contentious between us at times seemingly with small arguments and little disagreements. They blow over, and I love her very much and all and I genuinely respect her and listen to her. In fact her advice is the greatest magical medicine for me, because she gives me a better slant on things I otherwise would not have.

Beyond that, I genuinely take nothing for granted though, not even "given realities". I truly know what it means when it is said in the Christian King James version of the Bible, The Book of Matthew, Matthew Chapter thirteen, Verse twelve For whosoever has, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever has not, from him shall be taken away even that he has. Sure, I edited that saying a bit. Indeed, though, you get that picture. It could say: To those who take things for granted without genuine appreciation that which they have will genuinely leave or be taken away, to those who do not take things for granted with genuine appreciation, they will genuinely get better and more. I reversed the order of the verse too, because of something I believe fully about life. If we do not get "it", we never get "it" until we get "it". If we do genuinely get it, we can grow genuinely.

I spelled out a lot here, some will get it, some will not. But, all I know is that the value is there, and I do not take what I write for granted. With that reality humbly and consciously given, I can say what I mean and mean what I say.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Magical-Life&id=10009856

When to Seek Help for a Drinking Problem

Drinkers never see addiction coming. It sneaks up on them slowly, making it difficult to differentiate when recreational drinking becomes problem drinking. Depending on an individual's tolerance level, it may take one week to several months for addiction to penetrate its roots.

Joe was leading a rustic-countryside life, but could not keep with the daily hardships and pitfalls, which soon made his life tough. During such taxing moments, a drink or two worked wonders to calm his agitated mind. In no time, the bedtime shots were not enough to soothe his nerves. He began to crave for another drink in the morning to get him going. However, Joe never found his drinking habit unusual. As the years rolled by, the sudden loss of his wife aggravated his alcohol consumption. Though he felt that alcohol was the only remedy, his condition got only worse with every glass.

His usual morning shots which extended till noon had impaired Joe's ability to steer the wheel and landed him into a deep ditch, causing severe injuries. Though he didn't take the whole thing very seriously, his daughter knew her father needed help to break free from the clutches of alcohol. Counting the empty cans and bottles in the trash was more than enough to identify his addictive drinking. It was time to talk to a counsellor.

Importance of identifying drinking problem in early stages

Many people who struggle with drinking problems manifest symptoms which are easily identifiable, which makes their near and dear ones more alert. However, there are many others whose warning signs are not quite apparent, so treatment as an option is never considered.

Therefore, the key to determine if someone is suffering from alcoholism is to carry out investigations based on the following behavioral traits:

• uncontrollable desire to drink
• high tolerance to alcohol and other signs of dependence
• negative outcomes of alcohol, such as job termination, legal hassles or troubled relationships
• frequent bouts of emotional ups and downs
• tendency to indulge in risky behaviors

Nevertheless, differentiating social drinking from problematic drinking may require people to disclose information about their chronic drinking habits and the impact on their lives. Sometimes, in an effort to gain valuable inputs, health care providers may design questionnaires to identify people with drinking problems.

Specific questions based on extensive research serve to make accurate assessments about alcohol use disorders in target audiences. This is very important because alcohol use disorder has less to do with the quantity of alcohol consumption and more with the consequences on a person's life. Results of such screening questionnaires form the basis of further clinical assessments.

As a thumb rule, women who have more than three drinks in roughly two hours or seven each week are said to be at a higher risk of alcoholism. In the case of men, the upper limit is four drinks a day or 14 per week. Also, it is highly recommended to have two or three alcohol-free days each week.

Leading alcohol-free life

Alcohol addiction cannot be wished away without making any effort. It needs the support of professionals who are trained to help people get sober. The key to staying sober is obtaining the right information on how to safeguard oneself from addiction while caring for one's physical as well as mental health.

https://ezinearticles.com/?When-to-Seek-Help-for-a-Drinking-Problem&id=9580848

The Self-Realization Instinct

Every human being has an innate urge for self-realization. At its most basic level, self-realization is manifest in the desire to reproduce and ensure the survival of the offspring. All living beings share the instinct of reproduction since, in its absence, they could have no continuity. Yet the instinct of reproduction is just a primary fundamental within the comprehensive Self- Realization Instinct (SRI).

For instance, it is the instinct of reproduction that impels salmon fish, swimming in the ocean, to take the difficult, exhausting and highly dangerous swim upstream the river, in order to reach their birth site where they spawn and fertilize their eggs. They protect the eggs as well as possible and then die. It is this instinct that sometimes compels animals to risk or sacrifice their lives for their future generation.

Among human beings, SRI has expanded to include further manifestations: the desire to leave a mark in the world, the desire to stand out or be different in any manner, the desire to attain achievements, the quest for purpose, meaning or a reason for being and more. Self-realization is also apparent in adhering to and adopting beliefs and ideologies, that could be sometimes odd or extreme. Actually, any action intended to fill a void or any emptiness is included in the definition of self- realization, such as, work, exposure to positive or negative stimuli, study, research, satisfying curiosity, sports, hobbies, satisfying needs and even entertainment. Any action that satisfies us or makes us happy is included under the definition of self-realization.

SRI actually overlaps the survival instinct to a certain extent. However, it is a separate, independent instinct that could often conflict with the survival instinct. Both instincts originate from the same trunk and, at some point, the SRI branches out of it and stands alone. We can learn about the intensity and independence of the SRI from those fanatics who, for a cause that they find sublime, are willing to join extremist organizations and even sacrifice their lives. To them, committing suicide for a cause that justifies their beliefs is the ultimate form of self-realization. This example demonstrates that the SRI can even overpower the survival instinct.

Self-Realization and Happiness

Successfully progressing toward self-realization elevates the mood and fights depression. Since the aim of this instinct is the attainment of happiness, SRI can be interchangeable with pursuit of happiness. The more significant and important the act taken toward self-realization, the greater the satisfaction and happiness that we derive from it, if successful.

A person in the midst of a significant self-realization process has a higher endurance level and ability to sustain pain. This is exemplified by the monks and fakirs, who abstain from the pleasures of life following their beliefs and expressing their uniqueness. A person suffering from a severe disease or handicap can be happy when doing something significant toward self-realization and the activity itself could prolong his life. People suffering from terminal illnesses suffer less if they engage in any activity that leads towards completing a process of significant self-realization, such as a research paper, doctoral thesis or any other activity that will leave a mark.

In his book, "Man's Search for Meaning", Viktor Frankl describes the life of concentration camp prisoners who are exploited as cheap labor, under terrible conditions until they die. Viktor Frankl concludes that man's main desire is to fulfill the meaning of life and implement his internal values and that if he is able to find the meaning and insight, it will also solve part of his emotional distress. Apparently, even in the most horrible of conditions, SRI prevails and its activation could somewhat alleviate the suffering.

Harming the self-realization process could lead to depression. This process is impaired when a person fails to reach his individual goals, or alternately if he has no objectives or purpose, or if such objectives have become insignificant to him, or if he feels that the goals before him are beyond his ability. In the eyes of a person who has lost interest in life, all of the goals seem useless and pointless and he considers them mere chores that must be completed and not means for self-realization.

The vast majority of human beings consider childbirth and raising a child to be the uttermost expression of self-realization. Thus, it is hard to understand women who suffer from postpartum depression. This form of depression could be explained in that they might consider childbirth and child rearing to be too big a task for them and one that is beyond their abilities.

The Self-Realization Instinct and Evolution

SRI, in its most basic form, i.e. the urge to reproduce, must have been generated together with the creation of life. The mere creation of life without the primal urge to reproduce would not have enable evolution to occur. The urge to reproduce, develop and constantly improve underlies SRI. When we succeed in any activity that results in self- realization we derive happiness and conversely, when we fail we get depressed. Thus, the self- realization instinct becomes an urging and driving force that propels us by the carrot and stick method. The Self-Realization Instinct is, therefore, evolution's hidden driving force, which led species to continuously develop and improve. It is that instinct that has brought humankind to its current level and continues to propel it forward. We are all programmed to strive toward happiness and to develop, even if it involves wars, injustice and dishonesty. At the end of the day, progress prevails.

The mere creation of life is a mysterious wonder. The fact that SRI was simultaneously created further enhances the intensity of this wonder. Another question to be asked is whether such a double wonder could have been created on its own or whether some intelligent design is behind it.

https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Self-Realization-Instinct&id=9625818

Abraham Hicks - Watch This! (You're Being Shown The Way!)

 

How The Brain Learns: Design Presentations That Audiences Remember

How does the brain process information and learn? If you give presentations then these tips may assist your audience to remember and retrieve information that you've taught. My notes were written while listening to a lecture given by Dr. Britt Andreatta¹. Her lecture is The Neuroscience of Learning.

1. Definition of Neuroscience of Learning: It is how the central nervous system & peripheral nervous system work together to create and retain new knowledge and skills.²

2. Research shows writing notes long hand or drawing pictures does better for memory retention than typing. It has something to do with the kinesthetic action of writing or drawing and the effect it has on the brain.

3. The hippocampus is divided into two halves which lie in the left and right sides of the brain. The organ is curved in shape.

4. The hippocampus is activated by the oral nerve, olfactory nerve and optic nerve when ever you focus.

5. The hippocampus is the data drive that records short-term memories and then pushes these memories into long-term memory.

6. Studies show, in a learning environment, where some people are distracted and checking their email that this impacts those who are focused. Therefore, before your talk ask people to avoid scrolling on social media or checking their emails.

7. Learn: The brain can intensely focus for 20 minutes and store information. After that it needs a break. Incorporate breaks into your lecture.

8. The brain likes to connect learning to something it already knows. Appreciative Inquiry: Ask people about an experience that they excelled at. This pulls up their successes.

9. Remember: First we learn then we remember. Five ways to do this are metacognition, word play, insight, social and music.

• Metacognition: awareness of one's own learning. [In the course people were thinking of how they learn]

• Word play: Acronyms: What acronym can your audience come up with that helps them remember and recall what you are presenting?

• Insight: People gain more insight when they do their own research then when they are given all the information.

• Social connection. People learn better in groups.

• Music touches many areas of the brain. Find a way to incorporate music into their learning. [This is one of my insights. I would have people come up with acronyms put to their favorite song and share it with the group]

• Feelings: You are shooting for rewarding, slightly positive feelings.

• Retrieval: People retain better if they have a review of the information that they learned. They retrieve information better after sleeping. Sleep re-activates the circuits of what they have learned. The last hour of sleep is the most important. In the course they suggest waking up naturally.

10. Do: The trigger needs to be:

• Something observable that you can hear or see.

• Baby steps.

• The reward needs to be meaningful.

Things that you may include in your presentation:

• Games/playfulness

• Sharing with others

• Insights/"AHA" moments

• Quiz

• Light competition

• Bring gratitude, mindfulness and humor into your presentation.

Hopefully, some of these tips have resonated with you. Wishing you great success with all of your presentations!

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-The-Brain-Learns:-Design-Presentations-That-Audiences-Remember&id=9883837

Three Choices To Control Child Anger

When it comes to anger in children, there is often a fine line between normal emotional expression and problematic behavior. You want to control child anger without making the child feel like he or she is not allowed to feel mad or disappointed or frustrated.

Learning to experience a range of different emotions is important, and kids will start expressing themselves at very young ages. However, if children are not taught to express those emotions in healthy and productive ways, they will have problems with anger as they grow older.

An inability to deal with anger can lead to other social and behavioral problems as well as anxiety and depression.

Most experts agree that there are several ways to control child anger. You can either work with the child to talk through it, try to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible by redirecting behavior and feelings and finally, by seeking professional help through counseling or child psychologists.

You might also find it beneficial to combine all three choices, depending on the situation and the child.

Talking about the anger and the course of events that lead to anger is a good solution for a child who is verbal and able to express himself or herself well. Older children can talk about their feelings and tell you why they are angry.

Show them that you understand how they feel and offer a few ways to work past the anger. Children might respond to drawing pictures of what makes them angry, writing stories, or just talking to an empathetic adult who they perceive to be "on their side."

Sometimes, kids just need to be heard.

Another way to control child anger is by redirecting that anger. This is particularly effective with toddlers or small children who are not quite able to express their feelings or recognize that they are angry.

For example, if a temper tantrum erupts because one child takes a toy away from another child, rather than asking the child why he is angry, you might want to just remove him from the situation and offer him another toy.

Getting professional help is often necessary if you notice signs that the anger a child feels is disproportionate to the cause of that anger. When a child becomes physically violent, or attempts to hurt himself or others, professional intervention is often necessary.

Sometimes as a parent or a caregiver, you just don't know what to do. If you have tried everything; talking about the anger, redirecting the anger and offering other ways to deal with strong feelings, and your child is still unable to recover from intense feelings of rage, talk to a therapist.

As you attempt to control child anger, remember that sometimes you both simply need a time out. Sometimes, you talk too much about it and whatever caused the anger takes on extra importance.

Finally, remember that children learn by example. Pay attention to how you and the other adults in your household manage their anger, and make sure you do it in healthy ways.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Three-Choices-To-Control-Child-Anger&id=7811048

How to Invigorate Your Creativity

Creativity is a potent power that drives innovations and must, therefore, be improved through inculcation of critical thinking, adequate rest and change of location among other strategies. While creativity is perceived to be innate in some people, it is possible to cultivate and boost your creativity. The power of creativity is evident in the multifarious innovations that you see in the world today. Without creativity, life would be one long mundane journey that we would be enduring rather than enjoying. Consequently, it is important to know how to boost your creativity because, in that state, you are most productive.

One easy way of boosting your creativity is by cultivating critical thinking skills. Often, when faced with a problem, we rush to offer solutions, which at best, are only temporary measures to overcome symptoms. It is crucial for you to practice identifying the cause of a problem before proffering solutions. Through critical thinking, you will identify the possible solutions to a problem, prioritize them, choose the best, implement it and then solve the problem. In thinking critically, you will also have to adopt a positive disposition. Visualize the solutions even as you analyze the problem.

Another way to boost your creativity is to daydream. This strategy may sound ridiculous but it is a proven creativity booster. It is crucial that you allow your mind to wonder about some things. Allow yourself to create castles in the sky. Give your mind free reign and let it think of the unthinkable. Some crazy ideas may end up being the solutions to a problem you are having.

To boost your creativity, you also need to take adequate rest. The mind is not inexhaustible. It gets tired, frustrated and unable to reason clearly. Do not over-exert it. When your mind signals that it has had enough, take a break and let the mind rest. Always remember that the mind is the centre of creativity. Get adequate sleep. Sleep soundly. Ensure the room you sleep in is quiet and dark enough at the time you retire to bed. This way the mind will be invigorated to think clearly and creatively the following day.

Another way to boost your creativity is to change your physical location or environment. Take a walk in the woods or other natural environment. Distance yourself from the environment you are used to. Nature is a great source of idea for creative writers and scientists. Do not spend all your time watching television or on the internet. Go outdoors and look for fresh ideas.

https://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Invigorate-Your-Creativity&id=8523416

Simple and Effective Ways to Increase Your Energy: Tao of Stress Management

All of us know what it feels like to be "run down". Whether it is from working too many hours, staying up too late, or feeling overwhelmed with too many things to do. When we are tired, we become less able to handle stress. In this low-energy state it is easy to become irritable and lose our optimism. Our tempers can become shorter, and our days seem intolerably long and difficult.

All of this happens when we don't generate, conserve, and efficiently use our energy.

When you feel energetic, on the other hand, you are naturally easy-going, optimistic, and things are more fun. When problems come your way, you can handle them because you have the energy and clarity to solve them quickly and effectively.

When we think of how to create more energy, we usually think about ways to increase energy -- exercise, "energy foods", and supplements. All of these can help. But, our results are limited if we continually use too much of our energy by doing things too fast or by overextending ourselves.

One of the most important keys to increasing energy is learning how to conserve it at the same time.

There are a few simple things you can do to ensure that you are using your energy wisely while constantly replenishing it. Pick one or two of the following recommendations and try them out for a week to see how they affect you.

* Create Ten To Fifteen Minutes For A Break Each Day

If you spend all day working, traveling around town, and generally doing things non-stop, your body becomes stressed trying to keep up with the constant demand. A brief fifteen minute break can do wonders to replenish and conserve your body's precious energy.

Find time in your day when you can have 15 minutes to yourself. Go into a small room, which can even be your own office. Close the door. Turn off the computer monitor, TV, lights, and other noisy, distracting things. Just sit quietly. It is OK to read a book you enjoy, or listen to some relaxing, soft music on your iPod. The idea is to have some "me" time where you aren't talking at all, and you're not thinking about much of anything. Just relax and be in the moment.

You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel when you incorporate something like this into your daily routine. 30 minutes for "Me" time is even better while at home.

* Take Two Things You Do Fast Every Day and Slow Them Down

Another way we tend to waste our energy and tire ourselves out is by doing everything so fast. We drive fast, eat fast, walk fast, and talk fast. Doing things in a hurry always creates tension and depletes your energy.

Find two things that are in your daily routine already, and do them very slowly. Some things you might decide to do more slowly include brushing your teeth, driving to work, and eating. Whatever you choose in your daily routine.

You may have to make a little extra time, but those few extra minutes will go a long way toward teaching you what it feels like to keep your energy more calm, relaxed, and stable. You will notice a big shift in your energy after just a few days.

* Do 10 Deep, Relaxed Breaths Each Day

Nothing relaxes the body more than deep breathing. We can live without food for weeks, without water for days, but we only have moments to live without breath. It is for this reason that breath is the absolute key to unlocking the deepest levels of contentment and relaxation the body can produce.

By tapping into this reserve of deep relaxation on a regular basis, we are literally building a storehouse of positive energy that naturally cascades into every aspect of our lives. Our entire physiology is shifted into a more restful, aware, and open state where things take less effort, and stressful events have less effect.

Here's how to do the deep breathing:

1. Before you lie down to sleep, sit on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor.

2. Place your hands in your lap, palms up.

3. Tilt your head down slightly, bringing your chin towards your chest. This is just so your neck stays straight and doesn't get tense.

4. Now just inhale very gently into your belly. Don't force it, and don't overdo it. As you inhale, just feel your belly gently and naturally expanding.

5. As soon as you reach the end of the inhale, where you feel a little bit of tension in your belly, release and gently exhale. On the exhale, count "10" to yourself.

6. Inhale again, as in step 4 above, then exhale and count "9".

7. Continue breathing gently and deeply in this way, and count all the way down to "1".

Do this every night before bed for 1 week, and see how you feel in the morning, and how your emotions and energy levels change.

Our energy levels depend on how we use our energy, not just on how we accumulate it. Enjoy Your Life and Have Energy Too!

https://ezinearticles.com/?Simple-and-Effective-Ways-to-Increase-Your-Energy:-Tao-of-Stress-Management&id=9543856

Abraham Hicks - There Is A Faster Way To Find Your Answer.

 

Getting Unstuck by Becoming More Psychologically Flexible

Acceptance and Commitment (AC) Coaching identifies six core processes for developing greater psychological flexibility and getting unstuck: (1) defining valued directions, (2) acceptance training, (3) commitment (taking action), (4) being present (developing mindfulness), (5) cognitive defusion, and (6) self-as-context.

In this article I will briefly discuss all of them. I will cover each process in greater detail in future articles.

Defining Valued Directions:

Values are the motivational link for commitment to action. People commit to acting on their goals because they value what they need to do and where they need to go more than they value being stuck in the rut. There are four steps to defining valued directions: (1) exploring values, (2) choosing and ranking values, (3) publicly affirming values, and (4) acting on values. I will go into detail explaining each of those steps in my next article.

Acceptance Training:

Acceptance training revolves around helping people accept the things they can't control and coexist with the pain and suffering that accompanies taking action. Acceptance training reinforces commitment training, because it prepares people to continue moving toward their goals despite the conflicts and roadblocks that make it difficult to do so.

Commitment (taking action):

Taking action starts with setting clear goals. For goal setting to be meaningful it must reflect people's values. Clear values-based goals and measurable objectives reduce ambiguity and provide structure and a framework for taking action. Taking action is easier if it is based on clear goals and measurable objectives. Commitment is the action component of acceptance.

Mindfulness:

Mindfulness can be characterized as moment-by-moment awareness. Mindfulness can be developed through informal and formal training. Informal mindfulness training revolves around developing attention-building skills. Informal training involves using short activities to help people become more aware of internal (thoughts, scripts, etc.) and external environment) stimuli. Formal mindfulness training involves learning and practicing mindful meditation.

Cognitive Defusion:

Cognitive defusion revolves around learning how to defuse from unhelpful aspects of the conceptualized self. Defusion activities help people learn how to separate themselves from their unhelpful thinking that creates stress.

Self-as-Context:

ACT theory proposes an alternative view to the conceptualized-self perspective. A self-as context view, also known as the observer-self view, allows people to step back and appraise their thoughts, personal scripts, mental images, and emotions in a more objective way. Observer-self training allows people to examine internal stimuli in terms of its helpfulness in meeting goals that are consistent with personal values.

This core processes can be used individually or in combination to help you develop greater psychological flexibility, get unstuck, and live a life full of passion and purpose. In the coming six articles I'll show you how to apply these processes to the things that are causing you to be stuck in a rut.

https://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Unstuck-by-Becoming-More-Psychologically-Flexible&id=9944953

7 Things NOT to Do When You're Angry

1. Suppress your anger. Anger gets a really bad rap, but I kind of love it. I see it as the red light on the dashboard. It simply means that my needs are not being met. So I don't suppress it: I acknowledge it and address it.

2. Start telling a story. When you're angry, it's easy (and natural) to start writing a play in which you're simultaneously the hero, the victim, and the narrator. Don't. Your motto should be "just the facts." Identify what you really know is the case (as opposed to what you think is happening). Take a clear look at what you are reacting to and make a clear observation, making sure not to mix in your judgments.

3. Blame a situation or another person. A situation or another person's actions can never "make" you feel a certain way, so obviously blaming someone or something for your anger is a red herring. Remember, feelings are your warning signals, and are always a result of your needs not being met. As your attention shifts from the stimulus and your immediate reaction (anger) to identifying which of your needs are not being met, your feelings will shift also.

4. Focus on what you don't want. Don't focus on what's bad about the situation: doing so will almost certainly keep you stuck there. Think about it: until we figure out what specific things we do want, it's going to be impossible to ask for them. We're much more likely to judge and blame others for the bad stuff ("It's her fault!"). Learn to take ownership of your thinking and focus your attention on the needs you have that, if they were met, would create an outcome that would make life more satisfying for everyone.

5. Ignore the underlying need. It's better just to blow up and then act like nothing happened, right? No, you say? So why is that a common outcome when we get angry? Remember that anger is a justified reaction to a stimulus, but it's a very fleeting emotion (unless you keep repeating #2 above). When you look deeper, it's very likely that you'll see that you felt hurt, scared, or disappointed by the treatment that initially triggered the angry response. And you'll probably discover that your need is for respect, or safety, or appreciation.

6. Ask for what you don't need. If you'd prefer not to be angry, you should try to get what you really want. I'm sure I'm not the only parent whose first response upon seeing their kid do something undesirable is to yell, "Could you stop doing that?!" But if you're like me, you've found that this is rarely an effective way of stopping whatever it is. By all means, if your child is doing something particularly dangerous, tell him to stop. But giving more information about your emotional state and asking for what you do want ("I feel scared when you run in the parking lot. Could you walk beside me, please?") is a surer bet for getting your needs met.

7. Stifle your creativity. The best way to stay angry is to keep yourself in the same patterns that got you angry in the first place. So focus on finding a creative solution to your needs, a solution that will allow others to get their needs met, too. I've worked hard to be able to go from negative stimulus to a positive request fairly quickly so "Could you stop chasing the dog around the house?!" becomes "Let's go throw the ball outside."

That should take care of most situations when anger shows up. More challenging situations may require a little more work. It probably means there are some long-standing negative feelings. In that case it's super important that you get to a better-feeling place by taking care of yourself first before addressing them.

Treat yourself to a massage, go out to lunch with a friend, or take your dog for a walk. Now that you are feeling good, think about the negatively charged situation and focus your awareness on the others involved. Connect with their feelings, and identify actions that might contribute to meeting their needs.

Now imagine having a conversation with them about the situation in which you share your new insights and the actions you are willing to take to make their lives better. Imagine the conversation going well: how good it will feel to meet the other's needs! Imagine that they are so moved by your willingness to make their lives better that they feel equally compelled to look for solutions that are mutually satisfying.

Aligning your intentions in this way is very powerful. If you haven't moved out of the stalemate of anger and resentment you experienced before attempting this process, refocus your attention on what you want, and keep asking yourself the question of how you can move forward to achieve it.

What do you think? Are you inspired to attempt this process or are you still dubious? What helps you feel better when you're angry?

https://ezinearticles.com/?7-Things-NOT-to-Do-When-Youre-Angry&id=8004267

What Is Confidence and How Do We Get It?

There are different definitions of the word "confidence" and different ways of viewing the concept.

1. Keeping a secret - When you have a close friend or co-worker who will take the information you give them and keep it quiet; you are blessed. Not everyone will respect or honour you enough to keep your words private. When someone asks you to keep a confidence, however, you will need to discern whether it is appropriate to do so. Situations including things like abuse or illegal activities do not make good secrets.

2. Belief in something or someone - It is easy to be scammed when you are an honest person of integrity because you expect everyone else to have the same values. The term "confidence man" describes a person who is good at convincing you that their scheme is for your benefit. It is important to discern where to put your trust so that you will not be deceived.

3. Trusting in yourself - I am amazed by how many people lack confidence in their own abilities. Often, they have taken the judgmental words of another person as truth, despite their skills and good character. Sometimes they have used one example of failure from their past as a general summation of their worth (or lack of it). Frequently, they focus only on the areas where they are weak.

If you are concerned about where to put your confidence, there are several things you can do:

1. Assess - Take your time in gathering information before you make long-term decisions.
2. Consult - Ask others for their opinions and experience.
3. Focus - Think about the things that are true - both negative and positive.
4. Improve - Set goals to enhance the things that you want to change.
5. Accept - Acknowledge that there are things from the past that you cannot alter.
6. Trust - Build a group of trustworthy individuals to support you.
7. Believe - Know that you can improve your situation so that the past will not "haunt" you.

When others fail you, either in word or deed, that doesn't mean that you are a failure. It just means that you have had an experience that will help you to learn and grow.

Last year, I attended my grandson's university convocation ceremony in California. The guest speaker, who is a professional golfer told us about how she trains others to golf. She tells them that the word FAIL is just First Attempt At Learning.

Build confidence in yourself and take your time when it comes to where you place your confidence when it comes to others. Like anything else, this just takes practice!

https://ezinearticles.com/?What-Is-Confidence-and-How-Do-We-Get-It?&id=10216924