I have had so many setbacks over the past two years, I went from losing my job that was my major income to almost nothing. The anxiety hit me hard, how was I going to provide for me and my family being the sole provider, a single mother of three. I knew I had to move really fast because time waits for no one. I was filling out applications. making myself known, I landed a part-time job. The income was lousy but I started realizing all the time I had worked overtime, missing school concerts, field days, just being there for my girls.
The pain of reality start setting in. I had made some haste decisions the job paid good, had great benefits, but that's what we work for. I was losing my identity and would have still been lost but change came and predestined me back on the right path. The all American dream but it was costing me to give up my rights as a mother. I was not giving that title that I earned away. Yes it has been many ups and downs but the accomplishments I see in them is worth it!
I found out quickly that I loved being at home when my girls got home from school, engaging in them about what their day was like, all the talk about who and what boys liked them, it all started to make perfect sense. I was starting to get back to me. I enjoyed cooking and having them come home and tell me how good it smelled, how great the food tasted. I thought wow! they really enjoy my cooking if the potato salad gets gone in one day. I was feeling on top the world. I was starting to feel like myself again. I attended Christiana's concert to hear her voice, all the other kids voices it was like listening to angels singing.
I felt overjoyed, tears spurted in my eyes, I realized what I had been missing and they were truly a part of my happiness. I had to work but I was neglecting so much of what they needed in me or maybe what I needed from them. I realized how happy we were eating that Sunday dinner together. The macaroni cheese, rolls, mashed potatoes, green beans, chicken. The tradition when were younger the family came together to pray and eat together. Things were becoming clearer and clearer this is where I am supposed to be. Of course I had to make some drastic changes but I am happy.
We spend a lot of time together, shopping, talking, laughing, disagreeing, but isn't that how it supposed to be. What I thought was the biggest loss turned out to be my biggest gain. It has led me down this road where I get to do what I love most, writing, singing, being there for the people I love. Oftentimes we don't understand why things happen the way they do but there is always some newfound happiness that awaits us.
The choices, the commitments, and the decisions all affect one another. I was in a situation where I had to work but I had not properly counted the cost. The cause and effect were present. I had to redirect my steps get a whole new outlook. Sometimes we are pushed into our destiny by a tragic incident.
They also have the best advice and can be very good judges of character if you listen, and they are brutally honest! They are very brilliant and their minds are capable of going higher than we can comprehend. My best investment is in them. Take time to find out what intrigues them. Find out their favorite subjects and what they love about it, amazing. Happiness derives from many various things.
A lot of times we have to give up a lot of things that are preventing us from true happiness. Life became so much sweeter, I was able to just wake up and think which I had not done in a while in a quiet place in the solitude of my conscious.. My old job was so consuming it had robbed me of all the joys that I enjoyed doing. Of course I cannot go back, but I can live each moment I have focusing on our happiness and living life they way it is supposed to be! As I sit here looking out my window typing, I have such a peace, at home with my family.
I have always learned that the lessons that our parents taught us, and their parents, our grandparents will never leave us. They have instilled morals, values, and ethics that build our character, the foundation of who we are and who we will become to society. Are we living or are we existing? I decided that I would live! you can never forget all the knowledge and wisdom that was passed from generation to generation and it still works. We always have a roadmap, a compass, navigation system if we lose our way. God is one, Family, and the people that we spend the most time with that know us eternally that stirs up the passion to live life as we have never lived before.
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