Is Life Really Defined By Uncertainty?

Life to me is defined by uncertainty. That's one reason I favor a cautious approach. Fear comes from uncertainty. There are always two sides to any coin.This forms a crucial element of doubt and uncertainty. It was once said- You cannot be certain about uncertainty. To define it any other way, would be quite difficult.

The only thing that's certain is uncertainty. Change creates new tensions and uncertainties in our lives. There are so many events over which we have no control. Can you let go of control? It demands a high level of spiritual fitness. You seek to find the highest level of your spiritual development. This is your enlightenment. As you grow and learn, new ascendancies offer greater rewards.

All you can do is exhale. Breathe deeply. Relentlessly ride on through the cycles of your life. Look for the interconnectivity in all things. You are a part of the network. We are not programmed to embrace uncertainty and fear. It goes against our nature. It triggers our fight or flight instincts. Carefully examine the situation. Put a light into the dark places. In the end, it is all quite simple. You will find your worries are baseless or understandable. All it takes is time and clarity.

People vary in their desire to minimize uncertainty. Those who react by a worrying focus on potential threats and risks. When our bodily reaction is a strong one, we tend to recognize and label it as anxiety, but when it's more subtle, we often fail to see it despite its effect.

We know this from psychological research in thinking styles and perfectionism. Decide whether an issue is important. If it's causing anxiety, do a short meditation. Recognise thought errors that try to pull you into worry. Once we recognize this human tendency, we can learn to challenge or even ignore our worries.

Allow yourself to have negative feelings; they are normal after all. Sitting with uncertainty requires patience. Allow yourself to reflect on what this means to you. Uncertainty is a part of life and it can't be avoided.

The only constant in life is that it will involve change, and try as you may control the future, sometimes all you can do is trust that whatever happens, you can adapt and make the best of it. Replace expectations with plans. When you form expectations, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Prepare for different possibilities. Become a feeling observer. Get confident about your coping and adapting skills. This isn't the same as "expect the worst." It's more about assuring yourself that you can handle any difficulty that might come.

This has actually shown to help people manage anxiety.

Finding the solution of the uncertainties in life is like thrashing around to try to get the mud to go away. All this does is stir up more mud. Seek out healthy stress reducers in order to make uncertainty sends us back into the fight of flight mode.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Is-Life-Really-Defined-By-Uncertainty?&id=9682644

Change Is Good (By Clarena Wise)

On my fourteenth birthday, my grandmother gave me a bottle of a wildly popular, fairly expensive perfume. My mother hinted to her, that perhaps the fragrance was a bit too 'grown-up' for me. Needless to say, my teenage ego soared, and I've worn this scent ever since.

The other day I noticed that after spritzing my arms and neck generously with my beloved spray, that I'd broken out into hives. Large, painful welts erupted all over my arms, neck and parts of my face. It was horrible, and yet I refused to believe that my discomfort was the result of my traditional Eau de Toilette. As a precaution, I discontinued its use and vowed to recommit to it after a few weeks. Only a few days had passed before I was drenching my skin in its delicate aroma again. Moments later, I was clawing at my skin, whimpering in pain. That was that, my love affair with Acme Fragrance B was over.

This upsetting event was yet another addition to the favorites I'd lost over the years. At the age of twenty-five, I said goodbye to dairy products after a triple scoop of ice cream left me grabbing my stomach in agony, at what felt like tiny shards of glass moving through my intestines. At the age of thirty, I had to say Adios to soda after noticing that my eyelids would jump so intensely after a few sips, that I could barely see. I took a swig of Sprite recently... it still happens. At age forty, I bid farewell to gummy bears. And honestly, it'd been easier to give up some friendships than to give up gummy bears. Anytime I eat them now (I cheat), I get one of the worse migraines ever.

And now at forty-five, I would have to alter the segment of my morning ritual pertaining to my olfactory indulgence. BUMMER! Finding a lesson in everything, I saw this as an opportunity to try a new perfume. Change is inevitable, and not always a bad thing. Just because you've been doing something for the past twenty years, doesn't mean that you must continue to do it for the next twenty years. Especially if it's no longer working for you.

Some of you right now are at jobs that you absolutely hate, but because you've been there for ten years...

Some of you are in stagnant relationships that are bad for your health, but because you fear being alone...

Some of you have never stepped foot outside of the city that you grew up in, but because your mamma and daddy never left the city either...

My point... pay attention to what your mind, body and soul is telling you. Don't ignore those cues indicating that change is not only necessary, but vital. Life was not meant to be lived in discomfort.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Change-Is-Good&id=9688701

Why Not Aspire to Be Me?

Dear Person,

Have you ever been in the situation where you hear someone wistfully say, 'So-and-so is the kind of [insert profession here] I aspire to be' and thought, 'why doesn't anyone aspire to be me?'?

Well, I have. Plenty of times. If I got a dollar for every time someone said that and NOT mean it about me, I would probably retire tomorrow and live a life of sinful luxury on yachts and in ludicrously expensive penthouses. Or bungalows. Not that that wouldn't be fabulous (I mean, consider the extent of shamelessly sitting around doing nothing that that would entail... ) but still...

The truth is, there are a lot of fantastic and inspiring teachers out there. And engineers, scientists, activists, environmentalists, writers... you name it and there's at least a few in every single field. There's at least a handful that do incredible things that make you think, 'wow, this person is really making a difference in the world!' And yes, you're happy that there are talented, driven individuals that are striving to make an impact for the sake of mankind, these altruistic human beings that will stop at almost nothing to leave this planet a better place for the rest of us. Of course you're happy they're doing all this wonderful work.

But at the same time, you're sad, incredibly sad, that you aren't able to muster the energy to even do a day's work, much less get out there with your superpower and make a difference. Right? I know one thing's for sure, that's what I think. Several times a month, if not a few times a day. That nagging question at the back of my mind, triggered by someone's innocent wonder: 'Wow, so-and-so is so incredibly inspiring. I aspire to be like him/her someday.'

Why not me? Why is it that no one seems to aspire to be me? Why is it that it seems that no one is interested in what I do? How I do it? Why is it that no one sees how hard I work, and how hard I try to make a difference? Do I matter so little?

And why the hell does it matter so much to me? Shouldn't I be doing it just for the sake of doing it and not for the sake of being seen and recognized? Aren't teachers supposed to be naturally selfless and do for the sake of just helping others?

Isn't that what this job is all about?

Then how come we don't like it that we aren't appreciated more? How come there are days when you as an instructor feel like nothing is ever enough and it is simply unfair? Like no one sees you except if you are on radio/TV/have authored this amazing article that happened to be seen and shared/basically recognized on a larger scale? How come this one video goes viral of something a teacher does and so many of us watch and think, 'wait a minute, I do this every damn day, how come all of a sudden this is going viral??!'

How come writers get their stuff seen and shared so widely the spotlight seems like it is almost exclusively shines on them and the rest of us can work our asses off and no one seems to give a damn?

And yes, I know this doesn't just happen to teachers. It happens to people that work in construction, architecture (stuff that just isn't famous, really. Buildings that are not extraordinary enough), artists and fairly unknown designers, too (among others). People who certainly put in the hours (for years, even decades) of sweat, blood and tears, and don't get any star shine.

Yes, most, if not the majority of the population, has felt that way sometime, somewhere. If you're a part of the teeny minority that has never experienced this, consider yourself extremely fortunate. But you know, at one time or another, we get over it. Sort of. Meaning we just learn to see ourselves not in comparison with others but in comparison with ourselves and how we make that impact on a smaller (but not less significant!) impact.

So say you're a novice writer. You have only written a couple of articles, and they have been praised by a fairly small group of people. Just because the world has not read your work yet does not make it any less important. If you have made that positive impression on even a few people you know all you need to do is to keep going. Keep persevering. Keep giving it your all.

To be honest, you may never be famous in the way you want to be. But you will always be famous in the way that matters: however small your impact is, if you have made it, it is quite enough, I assure you.

So whenever you're feeling like you're completely under appreciated and your work isn't getting the coverage you think it deserves, look at how many people's minds you are leaving your print on. If even one person reads/sees/recognizes how great your work is, you're already there. You are already at the very least, on your way.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Not-Aspire-to-Be-Me?&id=9640776

Coaching The Poor In Your Community!

Have you ever walked downtown and noticed homeless people panhandling or sifting through garbage looking for something to eat? How sad it that! Are they mentally ill, addicts or have they made bad choices? How do you really know? Have you walked in their shoes? Did you say a silent prayer of thanks that you are not where they are now? Have you given any thought to the millions of people who work yet cannot make ends meet? Are you one of them?

How can you make an impact and change someone's life living in poverty? Maybe, even your own? Are you concerned that you don't have any time or energy to spare?

What if I told you that it only takes a few minutes of your time? If you watched a great movie or had dinner in an excellent restaurant you would share this information, right? Telling people about the benefits of coaching works on the same principle.

Let's review some of the benefits of having a coach in the event you have never worked with one before.

Coaches help you to:

Get clarity on what you want in life

Develop strategies to reach your goals

Overcome obstacles, low self-esteem and low confidence

Give you support, motivate and encourage you

Hold you accountable to what you say you'll do

Develop greater self-awareness

Improve skills and behavior

This sounds wonderful!

Do your due diligence and look for organizations that are dedicated to helping the poor. Be part of the solution to help those living in poverty!

It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny.-Jean Nidetch

http://ezinearticles.com/?Coaching-The-Poor-In-Your-Community!&id=9691899

Message From the Universe: Knowing How Much It Takes to Succeed

"Some folks, not having lived perhaps as much as you, endured as much, or loved as much, simply cannot see the truth of a situation, disagreement, or relationship as clearly as you.

And so, it's wise to keep in mind, that it's not their fault.

Can you see this? 

The Universe"

Here is the scenario: You work your butt off, years after years, where you struggle, sacrifice, lose out on your social life, miss family events (I wouldn't recommend that as family always comes first) and at the end, you make it big. However, during your difficult journey, you see your friends enjoying life, living paycheck by paycheck, without any worries about life. They make fun of you because of how dedicated you are to your success, some will even try to convince you that your idea might not be as great as you see it. Your mind is stronger to what your ears hear on a daily basis, which is mostly negative comments towards your dreams. No one really knows how much you endured throughout your challenges and obstacles. To be honest, it is not their fault and you can't accuse them of not understanding you. You might see them come to you for financial help after you have reach ultimate success, and they might take you for granted for all the new found fortune you've been blessed with. They don't realize what it took for you to get to where you are TODAY. For them, you are the new BANK that was just built in the corner of the street.

Because no one did what you did to accomplish your dreams, they will never know the value of hard work. They may be working very hard at the office, but not remotely close to what you did for your business. They are too afraid to do what you did and do not realize or comprehend how your hard work did all of what you see today. Sometimes, you can't even realize it as it becomes so distant to you as well. We seem to forget how much work it required because time has passed, and even though you know everything in life requires work, time and patience, you tend to forget all of what was required for you to make it as big as you did. It's important to help others as well, as you been blessed with not just material wealth, but mental wealth as well. You can redo all of what you see in a heartbeat, including all of the struggling to be successful again. No one can really know what you went though unless they lived with you 24/7. Do not even waste your time in trying to explain that to someone who needs financial help. The amount that you give is really up to you, but make sure you are clear with them that you are not their LOCAL bank where they can withdraw money whenever it's needed. You need to help others help themselves. Just like the old adage: "You can buy a fish to someone and feed them for a day, of you can teach them to fish and feed them for life". Your knowledge is worth way more than how much you have in your bank account.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-Knowing-How-Much-It-Takes-to-Succeed&id=9694119

Self-Care to Avoid Burnout for Teachers (By Rosalind Henderson)

I had my first panic attack at twenty-seven. However, I thought it was a heart attack. In the midst of teaching thirty-two students, my knees began to quake, sweat rolled down my forehead and my heart beat out of my chest. I was whisked away to emergency whereupon I was given a clean bill of health. The third doctor, however, suggested I learn how to deal with my stress. Hence, my intense interest in managing stress grew.

There is a national teacher shortage. Eight percent of educators leave each year according to Linda Darling-Hammond, president and CEO of Learning Policy Institute and founder of Stanford University's Center for Opportunity Policy in Education.

Those who remain report the overwhelming stresses related to the profession. Unsafe working conditions, large class sizes and the lack of administrative support are just some of the stress teachers face everyday.

Stress has pervasive and damaging effects. I have witnessed colleagues complaining about migraines,constant body aches, laryngitis and fatigue. Long standing stress can result in hypertension, autoimmune and heart disease, and it has links to certain types of cancer.

However, some stress can be managed with targeted effort.

Teaching teachers proven stress management strategies and helping them devise and implement a self-care plan can go a long way in keeping teachers healthy.

Here are two of many strategies I've shared with my teacher participants at the yearly event I host: "Self-Care to Avoid Burnout for Teachers"

Learn to say NO

External pressure from administration, the public and the district can warp our perspectives as teachers. Unrealistic expectations can have us overreaching in our jobs. Are you a parent? Are you a psychologist? Yet, there is an overlap between teaching and these roles. However, contact a parent immediately when students pose a threat to the learning environment. Ultimately, It is their role to control their child's behavior or to seek more expert services.

We are EDUCATORS, striving to be excellent ones. There are times I reread my job description when I'm under pressure from the public to occupy any other position.

Secondarily, respect your physical, mental and emotional limitations. Many teachers consider themselves super teachers, and continually extend themselves beyond their capacities. Here's a formula I'd like you to keep in mind: If you are dealing with more duties than resources to undergird them, you are heading towards burnout. Do you really need to sit on the calendar committee, be the teacher association rep and pursue your Masters in Education--all at once while parenting two children? A better approach is to meter out your energy on those things that are in line with your values, and consider the timing in the pursuit of your goals.

Learning to keep first things first can protect your emotional, physical and mental energy.

Lastly, delegate your duties.

Again, aligning your behavior with your job description, can save you a lot of energy. Research suggests that eighty percent of your time should be spent on your expertise--crafting lesson plans, designing and implementing assessments, establishing an effective classroom management program and delivering lessons. So, what can you delegate to a parent, an aide, a student teacher that you can supervise to lighten your load while you focus on the main thing? Some suggestions? Taking roll, correcting papers, inputting grades, presenting parts of a lesson and doing other time and energy-saving tasks can go a long way in supporting you as you develop the art of teaching.

Aggressive attention to self-care is key to maintaining the health of educators. By creating a plan, and implementing it on a daily basis, perhaps this will impact teacher burnout and promote teacher retention.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Self-Care-to-Avoid-Burnout-for-Teachers&id=9694296

The Best Ways of Dealing With Disappointments

Too many a time we do not get what we expect. That is when disappointments set in. How can you turn them around? This article highlights some of the effective ways you can deal with them.

Here are a few way-outs:

1) Be calm and live in the moment

Soothe yourself and come back to think of the moment you are in. Are you angry, annoyed, full of bitterness and hate? Actually the moment you are in carry none of the feelings. You are calm and serene and nothing bothers and worries you. So why not practice it more often? When you are feeling low or less than, calm yourself down and concentrate on the present moment. You will have the rightful peace of mind.

2) Relax to and fro in an easy chair

After having a light meal, sit down in an easy chair and swing to and fro. Put on some light background music. Your feelings of bitter disappointment earlier in the day disappear. That is because swinging in your easy chair and getting caught up in the beats of the light music cheer you up. You can once more see the light of the present moment and feel joyous again.

3) Cry if you feel like

If the disappointment is too big to handle and you cannot bear it, allow your emotions to flow out by crying. Do not wallow in self-pity for too long. You know you can handle your problem because every problem has a solution in many ways. After you have allowed to drain out your emotions, you will feel okay. Everything is as perfect as it should be and you just bounce back to your normal schedule.

4) See if you can perceive it as a comedy

Allow yourself to perceive your disappointment in your mind's eye and see if you can convert it to a comedy. If you can allow yourself to laugh out a belly aching one, that should work wonders because you forget your disappointment in a flash.

5) Be your own cheerleader

Help yourself to be your own cheerleader when disappointment surrounds you. You can remember some of the things you simply love doing. Choose one and get absorbed in it, losing yourself in it and enjoying thoroughly. Where is there space for disappointment then?

Summing up, these are five great ways you can loosen yourself from the ropes of disappointment, bounce back and enjoy your life to the fullest.

Rosina S Khan has authored this article, highlighting how you can deal with disappointments effectively.

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Best-Ways-of-Dealing-With-Disappointments&id=9697218

The Lost Bonds

"How can you do this to me? I never anticipated something so hurtful to come from your end of our relationship."

"Please. Let me explain. I know what you might be thinking, however, you need to believe me. It's just not what you think it is. The truth is... "

"The truth is that you don't love me anymore! You never cared for me at all. Do you still believe I would invest my valuable time to heed to your crap story? I tried to console myself, but it was too late for explanations. There is nothing left for me, nor for you in this relationship. I think it's about time. You know what I mean, don't you?"

"What!... You can't be serious, right? Tell me that you are simply joking. Ha-ha! This is simply another of your silly pranks, isn't it? Stupid, stupid me. How did I not see that coming? Alright. I fail. You win. Let's finish this already now. Will you?"

"Yeah. You are right! Let's finish this... now!".

And he walked away, without saying another word. Maybe, it was all for the better. Perhaps, it was a wise decision. Two days later, a team of City Police found her body near a lake. The death was investigated and it turned out to be a suicide. A week later, he got to know about the incident that took place at the lake. He was shocked. Tears are pretty funny. They arrive without a legal notice and at times, out of the blue, totally unexpected. I don't know why he cried, neither his love nor his promises were alive. Yet, for some inexplicable reason, he wished it were all but a silly prank. Maybe, humans are vulnerable to pain more than they know. From that moment, he was never the same. His life was completely changed. Twenty years had passed since then, he was now married and had two children. Was he happily married? I am not so sure about that part of it. The only source of happiness in the house, if there was any, were the two children, a son, and a daughter. In his early days as a father and a husband, this new life brought in happiness and joy. However, as the future unfolded itself, he never imagined that he would have to face his past again. At 17, his daughter asks-

"Dad, I have a boyfriend. I don't want to hide anything from you. Will you agree to see him, maybe tomorrow?"

I am not certain if the daughter understood the meaning of the long silence that followed her question. However, I do think of one question that might have crossed her mind.

My dad is my hero. I hope he approves our relationship. Fingers crossed. The daughter was certainly hoping for a positive answer. She was proud of her father.

He told her that he will need some time before he arrives at any reasonable answer. He must have had a hard time, trying to convince himself that, what he needed was, Time. Time never solves any problems, it sure tells us, though, how long have we been wasting the same. Anyhow, he had a bad night that day. He couldn't sleep all night. Every time he thought about his daughter and she having a boyfriend, he had these flashback memories from the past. What if he leaves her alone? What if he fails to keep my daughter happy? And what if... There was this one thing he was always scared to let anyone know. The biggest mistake of his life!

Next morning, he said nothing. How will I be able to face my daughter? I believe this question must have blocked almost all of his actions. Lie to her?. Well, there are other voices inside of us too. I know he must have tried hard, not to be distracted. He is now a father after all, not some college boy in his 20's with loads of self-esteem and ego. Anyway.

He ignored. He repelled. He ran. He never really spoke to his daughter after she told him, they were getting married. The memories from the past were haunting him. What would happen if I tell them the truth? How will my wife and my children react? He was full of questions and not one person to approach. They say he was always running away from his family, his children and the society. Little did they know, about me. No one but I was aware of his fear. He was running away from a few questions, buried long ago in the dust of the past. Something made them reappear again. He had had ensured nothing like so happens, however.

No one can survive alone. He understood that some ten years down the line. He was a little delayed in his flight of realization. However, the delay cost him his daughter. The other day he visited his daughter's place. The sign outside read, "Mr. And Mrs... ". Should he be proud? I don't know. He knocked at the door. No answer. He waited a few moments and knocked again. A woman in her 30's appeared from behind the door. A moment of reunion, or so he thought. He was able to recognize her perfectly. I guess he expected a little talk, a chance to apologize and maybe a little confession. He wasn't ready, though. She stood there silent, waiting for him to say the words he should have said a long time ago. However, it was too late. Before he gathered enough courage and opened up to say anything, the door was closed. I don't know what was going on in his mind then, but one thing for sure should have troubled him. The doors were closed for him, forever.

He spent the rest of his life, wandering through the footprints left by the people he loved the most. He would visit places loved by his daughter. He would admire her belongings at home. He would think about her and pray for her well-being. His son flew abroad for higher studies. He would call him but seldom did he answered the call. He had a house but was unable to transform it into a home. He had his beloved wife, though, someone who will stay by his side forever. I understand that he must have felt all alone, without his children and with little to no happiness around. Still, if you are with a person you love the most, it's the best feeling. He decided to finally tell her everything that took place that day at the lake and about the girl whom he rejected. Finally, he was trying to do something right!

It was the evening time, at around 9 after the dinner. His wife was sitting on a chair, watching TV. The show was a family series. She must be missing her children badly, now that they had not seen her for a long time. He noticed certain stillness in her body. She was sitting there for a long time, staring at the TV constantly. Is she sad? Is this a good time to talk about this? The heart, that a moment ago was prepared for anything, was suddenly pushed back into the state of confusion. He approached her moving one step at a time from behind the chair. "I have to tell you something dear. Back in my college days, I loved a girl. She was my girlfriend. But I treated her very badly and in a harsh way. I was immature and had no idea how it will affect her. We had an argument and I left her all by herself. Two days later, the police found her body. She committed suicide." He was crying as he spoke the next few sentences. He was about to tell her the biggest mistake of his life. He was in no condition going to back off, have come so far in his efforts. He said, "She was with child... I had no idea. I never... ever... " he was crying buckets, and his voice was getting all wet. He took a few steps ahead and sat near her knees. He was holding her hands and placed his head on her lap to let out his pain and sorrow. However, the moment he saw her, he was silent. I didn't see that coming, honestly. I know things were bad, but the way they are now, hardly anything good will happen ever again. He was taken aback by the sight in front of his eyes. For a second his face looked shocked and surprised. But then he burst into laughter. Tears were flowing unstoppable and yet he somehow managed to laugh. "I know what this is. I know very well. A silly little prank. Right?" She lay on the chair, dead. "Please tell me you are acting, that you are not!... Please wake up! Please tell me you heard what I just said... Please! Please! Please! " He couldn't hold onto his nerves for long and the entire room echoed his pain and tears.

It was all happening so fast. I hardly had any time to help him. He was a broken man. He had his share of past, which he never let out. However, when he did, there were no ears to listen to him. He felt as if nothing is left for him. He had no home, no children, no wife and somehow he felt he was losing himself too. He used to walk down the street, across the road at a coffee shop every day. It was this coffee shop which made something meaningful out of his meaningless life. It was here where he used to relax and where he met many young students and people from different places. It was here, in this coffee shop where he met me, Mark. Sometimes, the people who will understand you are the ones who were never understood by anyone. I was back then, just a beginner. I used to write poems, phrases, articles, stories based on what I saw and felt. No one paid any attention towards me. I was a loner, sort of. I lived alone, I worked alone, I cried alone, I laughed alone, and pretty much every other thing that you are supposed to be doing with your friends, I did all that alone. It was in this coffee shop when I first met him. I won't name him, not now, not ever. He is a general figure, the main character of this story. Similar to the fact that you are the main character of your story. When I met him, he was a good looking, happy person. Yet, the last time I met him, he looked dull and with no enthusiasm whatsoever. I remember him sitting right next to my table. For hours and hours, we used to talk. He told me all about his past and how he screwed up everything. I listened patiently. However, that day when we came to the coffee shop, he said something I just knew what he meant. "I have done so much trouble all my life. Yet I have been unable to do any good in return for the same. I have affected many lives, all in a bad way. Everything is ending so soon. I feel my life is getting weaker. I feel I am dying, somehow." Those were the last words I heard from him.

He was admitted to the Sebastian Hospital. Not many people would come to visit him, or so I thought. However, it was my responsibility to contact his family, so I did. The doctors gave some final ultimatum, maybe an hour before it all ends for him. I hope it ends well. There was not much time left now, another 15 minutes and he might not be available ever again for anyone. "They won't come. I know. I don't deserve to see them. Not now. Not ever." All his life, this man, who was now in his last minutes, pleaded for mercy and forgiveness deep within but was never able to do anything. A moment later, I saw two faces coming straight towards the room where he was kept. So, the children did come at last.

"Is he okay? Are we late? Where is he?"

"He is right in there. They (doctors) say that he may have less than ten minutes now. You can talk to him."

The son and the daughter rushed to the room where he was lying on the bed. "Also, if possible, let him speak as much as he wants while to try to stay patient as long as you can". They both entered the room, it was a horrible sight to digest. There were so many equipment and monitors around him that it was easy to tell how painful this might be. "Sara! Peter!" he whispered.

He was smiling. "I am happy to see you. You have grown; both of you. How is your life? Did you have any children? What are their names? Do they know me? I am their grandpa!" he continued... "I always loved your mom. I always loved you all. I know this is late, very late for any exchange of words. I know I can't be forgiven. I am a terrible person." Sara and Peter were crying. They were finally talking to the person they once called DAD. They were finally listening to him.

"Sara, I ignored you because I was scared. I was scared of myself. I was scared of the person, that I have become! The truth is... " Before he could say anything, the ECG started fluctuating fast. His heartbeat was pacing up. It was a horrifying moment for all who were present in the room. He knew this was his last chance. In the past, he ignored the truth and never listened to his loved one. He knew he must do something quick. "Sara! Peter! Come here." He called his children. He took their hands and held them tightly together. " I am not going anywhere, child. I will always stay with you. I will always love you. I will keep watching over you and my grandchildren. I am going nowhere, because just like before... this is just a silly prank!... "

The monitor stopped. There was a long silence. He was still holding their hands. Every single person in the room was crying. Tears of sorrow accompanied the tears of realizations and a tear of memory was generated. Sara couldn't control her emotions either. Peter let it out as well. I was outside the room, watching from the small transparent window as he spent his final moments with people he loved the most. I got out my journal and switched to the last page. It was still half empty, though. On the last page, I wrote, "... This was just another silly prank! I'll always be around. Love. Mark".

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Lost-Bonds&id=9465080

Teen Musings

It's the age all parents fear and the children so unwittingly fall prey to. Nobody can escape it, a select few remain in control, and many have succumbed to its idiocyncracies. The age when 'fitting in' is the main purpose of life. Yes, teenage is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

As I have grown up to be a fine adult, I realise what my parents told me was true. 'You will look back to this day, and feel nostalgic and stupid at this time.' Yes, I do look back to the time when I was five feet nothing and felt travelling in the Metro was the coolest thing to do. Hiring an auto, sneaking out of the house to travel, say, two metres was pretty gratifying and thrilling at the time. And sometimes, when I look back, I miss that adrenaline rush you get when you know you have an angry mother just waiting for you to ring the bell.

I'm not saying I enjoyed being scolded or rebuked; neither do I look back at such face offs fondly. But, those are the times which have defined me to be who I am today. I realise the anger, almost on the brink of rage, my mother must have been feeling back then. My little cousin, two and half years old, gets on my nerves the same way. I now realize that it does not mean my mother loved me less (which I did feel for about two years, by the way). But that she just wanted me to know and draw my own limits. Learn to adhere to rules, the importance of which I realise now, in the most pivotal period of my life.

I still remember the hideous report card which laughed at my face in the 8th Grade. I remember not being able to face my mother for hours, and weeping bitterly at the mere thought of having that wretched piece of card in front of me. But, nevertheless, it was something which pulled me up. It knocked some sense into me and made me realise that I liked getting good grades, even though the 'in' thing was to boycott studies altogether. It made me get that 9.6 in 10th and it's helping me get through this torment of a year too. The strong values which she embedded in me through that loud, screeching voice of hers reprimanding me has come to be more useful than I thought. I feel obliged to thank her.

But, that said, I was a pretty awesome teenager. I know she has learnt things from me too. I don't know what, and looking back right now nothing's striking me, but I'm positive she has taken something from me. Though my defining characteristics will always be the ones I picked up from her. The patience I have to neither implode nor explode from the emotions I feel are also her doing. Wow. I cannot write a single article in hindsight without mentioning my mother. It's true. I'll always be have a deep connection with my mother.

That said, this is for all the present day teenagers out there. Enjoy this phase, make your silly mistakes, but watch out for the grave ones. Your parents are there to catch you when you fall. But, make sure to learn from them. None of us enter this phase being perfect (all of us feel that way, though), none of us exit this phase being perfect. But, correcting your errors gets you that much closer to being a 'good' person, a person who knows the difference between right and wrong; and become a responsible adult.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Teen-Musings&id=9426556

How To Get What You Want With Three Words (By Pam Bauer)

A friend of mine got married last month. As her wedding approached, the question of what to wear loomed large. She didn't want to wear a traditional wedding dress.

A few weeks before the wedding, she went shopping with some friends. They tried bridal boutiques and department stores but she came home empty-handed. Her friends vetoed the dresses she chose; she disliked the dresses they selected.

She was disappointed and frustrated. She doesn't like shopping and didn't have time to traipse all over the city. She dreaded continuing the search.

I wanted to help, but I live 1,000 miles away. What could I do? I asked her this question: What three words describe how you want to feel in your dress on your wedding day?

She paused, then spoke: Comfortable. Elegant. Celebratory.

Ah-ha! That's the dress she's looking for: the dress that feels comfortable, elegant and celebratory. With these three words in mind, she went back to a store she'd visited on her shopping trip and purchased a dress she'd tried on but left behind.

I wasn't surprised. When she was shopping with her well-meaning friends, their ideas of what a wedding dress should look like overwhelmed her own wisdom about what she wanted.

That's the power of three words. They get to the heart of what you wish for and become a GPS to help you navigate the bewildering possibilities in order to find the best option for you.

The key to success with three words is asking yourself how you'll feel when you have what you desire. No matter what it is we want, what we really want is the feeling that the desired result will generate.

Rather than the thing itself, it's the experience of the thing that we seek.

By tapping into those feelings in advance, articulating words to describe them and using the words to guide your choices, you tune out distracting noise (others' opinions, social media trends, companies with gigantic advertising budgets) and avoid buyer's remorse (when what you thought you wanted ends up disappointing).

It's a simple, yet powerful, method to lead you toward fulfilling your dreams.

Want to apply the three words strategy to your life? Here's how:

1. Think of something you want. This can be something you want to acquire (like my friend's wedding dress) or it can be a goal (like a new year's resolution).
2. Imagine the result. What would your life be like if you achieved this? Let you mind fill in as many details as possible of the experience.
3. Generate your three words. What does your imagined result feel like?
4. Look around. What people, places, things, events, or activities can be described by your words? Go forth and bring them into your life.

Let your three words be your guide. They may take you in a direction you didn't expect but it's going to be toward a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Get-What-You-Want-With-Three-Words&id=9381743

Let's Find Out How to Survive Stress

Let's face it; whether you're a busy homemaker or a high flying executive, today's popular mind-set is to be as busy as possible with nearly every hour and minute crammed with some kind of work. Yet the day-to-day pressure can build into chronic stress, which if ignored, can be detrimental to our mind, body, and spirit.

The Body

While most of us have stress in some form, an unhealthy response to stress happens when the demands of the stressor exceed an individual's coping ability. While stress is actually a psychological state of mind, as it considerably affects our physiological state. "In a classical stressful situation, certain stress hormones such as cortisol are released which increases the heartbeat, sweating, uneasiness, and the urge to urinate," with the initial indicator usually manifesting as an inability to sleep. In the long run this leads to problems such as indigestion, acidity, ulcers, low-back pains, high-blood pressure, heart attack, stroke, high cholesterol, depression, headaches, and fatigue, to name a few. Long-term stress also affects our immunity and reduces our disease-fighting capacity.

In Teens

While the teenage years can be highly stressful, some typical stressors include: stress from school, social anxiety, and depressive feelings - for example, not belonging, self-harm and other dysfunctional coping strategies. Another big one, particularly pertinent to today, is social media inappropriateness. While teens and adults overlap in how they cope with stress, the only difference is that adults express stress verbally while teens tend to isolate themselves during times of high stress. "This is because teenagers are unable to properly manage their stress due to a lack of healthy coping skills,".

Negative Implications

If the stress is not caught and addressed in time, teenagers may utilize reckless and destructive behaviors, substance abuse, and physical violence as unhealthy coping skills. Teenagers' academic and extra-curricular progress may also deteriorate if stress is not handled appropriately.

Getting a Grip on Teen Stress

Maintaining effective communication with your teen and adopting healthy coping skills are the two most effective ways to manage with stress.

1. Be available - make some time no matter how busy the schedule is - structure opportunities into daily life. Spending time with your teen shows them that you care even though they are pushing you away.

2. Be realistic and flexible in your expectations but praise effort more than just results.

3. Be patient and consistent during their developmental phase - they are changeable and trying to make sense of their place in the world - they can defy reason and sense sometimes.

4. Do not minimize their feelings in hopes of them "getting over it". Their feelings are real and affecting them in ways that need to be addressed.

5. Be practical and constructive in your approach - they may need your wisdom and organization - even if they say they don't.

You cannot and should not shield them from all stresses and risks. You must set limits as well as consequences to what is acceptable and unacceptable at home, school, and elsewhere.

THE MIND

Stress Reactions

When stress is excessive, it results in one of four reactions- -anxiety, apathy and depression, anger and aggression and cognitive impairment. "Stress can be caused by traumatic events, events which challenge our limits, as well as internal conflicts,". "For example, if your boss criticizes you unfairly, you feel the stress." You want to be able to explain why he/she is wrong but also have a fear of upsetting your boss and this stress or internal conflict causes you to ruminate and these thoughts can very quickly spiral out of control: My boss thinks I'm incompetent; I won't get the promotion I deserve. This series of ruminations results in catastrophic thinking, which can lead to worry, anxiety, feeling depressed and insomnia.

Top Ways to Alleviate Stress

Talk about what is stressing you to someone who listens to you, understands the stress environment and cares about you.

Ruminations create a "pressure-cooker effect". They bounce around creating pressure. Releasing this through talking really helps.

Most relationships in life are reciprocal. It's really important to establish good social networks so that people may be there for us in our hour of need.

It is very important to remove the source of the stress, if possible, by taking control and being active. For example, rather than being a victim of bullying in the workplace, you may choose to either put in a complaint or move post.

Distraction is a useful technique to avoid stress. Taking up a new challenge or a new activity is often very helpful.

MODERN DAY

Electronic Stress

Smart phones, gadgets, and computers all help us stay super connected but at a high price. "Smartphones add hugely to modern day stresses in that the workplace and social media permeate our lives so that we are never really free,". "We are working or socializing 24-hours a day, checking our phones last thing at night and first thing in the morning when research shows that each time we receive an email, we can take up to 20 minutes on average to re-focus on children, partners or other focuses.

Planning

The best way to deal with smartphones is to switch them off when at home; however, this is impractical for some. "The alternative is to have windows of when you check your messages, for example 9 to 9:30pm, and to put it away for the rest of the time," and be sure to avoid using your smartphone one hour before you sleep.

Finding Solutions

Today the aim is on maximizing the usefulness of our time and squeezing as much as we can from every minute of the day. So how can a person find time in the day to destress? We need to learn to tackle the external pressures and even our own inner voices that tell us that to be successful, he says as these are old mind-sets that we have learnt over the years that are no longer relevant. "We must replace these thoughts with new one's that support us in the true value of taking time to de-stress the right way,".

Shelve Your Stress with These Tips

1. Practice Regular Exercise - Exercise impacts a neurotransmitter that works like an antidepressant on your brain while lessening muscle tension.

2. Go Outside - Even five minutes in nature can help reduce stress and boost your mood.

3. Focus on Your Breathing - Ideally you should be breathing primarily through your nose through a simple technique called Buteyko breathing to help you restore beneficial breathing patterns.

4. Participate in Activities - You Enjoy Engaging in a hobby helps you enjoy yourself and take your mind off of stress.

5. Eat Healthy - Schedule time to eat without rushing and be sure to consume fresh, healthy, whole foods.

6. Stay Positive - Keep a list of all that you're grateful for and make a commitment to stop any negative self-talk.

7. Stay Connected - Loneliness can be a major source of stress, so do some volunteering, meet up with friends or take a class to meet others.

8. Take a Break or Meditate - Taking even 10 minutes to sit quietly and shut out the chaos around you can trigger your relaxation response.

The Positive Side of Stress

Is stress something that needs to be reduced, suppressed or avoided? Or can we accept it, use it, and embrace it? It turns out that which one of these mind-sets you hold plays a key role in how the stress in your life affects you.

Mindset

It's not our stress levels that need to change, but our attitude to stress itself, reveals Menon, because how you think about stress and the stress in your life plays a profound role on how it affects your well-being. She explains, "It determines whether the presence of stress in your life is harmful, which can ultimately lead to burnout, depression, and heart disease or whether that stress actually leads to greater well-being and resilience."

The Science

Research shows that when you tell people about the importance of stress mindsets, you encourage them to choose a more accepting and embracing attitude toward the stress in their own lives, suggests Menon and in turn, they actually become healthier, happier, and more productive at work, even in very difficult and stressful circumstances. According to research at Yale University, people who hold more a negative perception of stress and believe it should be reduced or avoided, are more likely to experience what we typically think of as the negative outcomes of stress. They're more likely to have health problems or illnesses, suggests Menon and they're more likely to become depressed and, are less productive at work. "But on the other side, people who hold a more positive and accepting view of stress are protected from the negative effects of

stress, even when their lives are stressful," she tells, and they're healthier and happier. They're doing better at work and they're better able to find meaning in their struggles.

The Question

Therefore, can changing how you think about stress make you healthier? Menon points out that the science says 'yes' - when you change your mind about stress, you can change your body's response to stress. "Research shows that stress is actually enhancing; in one study at University of Wisconsin researchers tracked 30,000 American adults for eight years," she explains, and they found that subjects with a lot of stress had a 43 percent increased risk of dying - but only if they believed stress was harmful. What is surprising is those who experienced a lot of stress but did not view stress as harmful were no more likely to die than the normal population. In fact, Menon reiterates that they had the lowest risk of dying of anyone in the study, including people who had relatively little stress.

The Big Picture

Although stressful experiences are an important part of life, how you think and how you act can transform your experience of stress, Menon says. "When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you can create the biology of courage and resilience," she explains. "Stressful experiences help us learn and grow and they can actually be an opportunity to develop our strengths and choose our priorities."

http://ezinearticles.com/?Lets-Find-Out-How-to-Survive-Stress&id=9442437

Reclaim Your Confidence, Reclaim Your Humanness

You have the right to exercise your own mind and to think what works for YOU! Those are not radical ways of being and beliefs. You are not leading a revolution. Well, in some ways you are. You are rebelling against being forced what to think as per someone who has no respect for human life and is told what to think. Especially someone who is running you down to force you to limit your thoughts, beliefs and way of life to match them. That is cult behaviour and that is someone who does not have their own thoughts and beliefs. You don't live in a cult and so you want no one forcing you to change your beliefs to match theirs that is blatantly out of alignment with who they really are and desire to be deep within.

You have the right to live your life in FREEDOM and NOT in fear. If your beliefs are imprisoning you and others, then it is time to change those beliefs. It is not radical beliefs to know that abuse is WRONG, abuse of children and any human being is WRONG!! It is NOT radical beliefs to love yourself. Well, it may be radical to those who have lived a life imprisoned by the negative beliefs of others and who are not living their own real, true and authentic life. Those are definitely NOT the people to take any kind of advice from when it comes to the powerful running of your life. You do not want them crashing your life with advice that are old, backward, unprogressive and unfitting for you.

That is NOT your life, so remove yourself from around those limiting and mind-imprisoning beliefs. And yes, it will seem radical to others who have been controlled for their entire life, to see you living your life in freedom and not allowing anyone or anything to imprison you and force you to live your life their way. It is not an excuse to acknowledge that difficulties prevented you from reaching where you had desired, nor is it something to be ashamed of. You are human and things will affect you because you are NOT A programmed machine. You are flesh and blood, you have emotions, you have feelings and you are not allowing programmed machines to break down your life and to break you down.

Going to school should not be about changing how you think about life. Because if you are taught by individuals whose thoughts, beliefs are backward, outdated and unprogressive, guess what, if you do not have your own mind, you will get dragged down into a backward, outdated, unprogressive and ignorant way of thought and being. If someone does not have any knowledge of how to respect human beings, how to live their lives powerfully, then they will have NOTHING to teach you. You do not need to go to a brick and mortar institution to learn how to think. You DO NOT need any letters behind your name to prove to anyone that you are smart.

Only individuals who are insecure, who suffer from deep feelings of inferiority and who are desperately seeking acknowledgment will try to crush you so that they can get the attention because they feel that you are some lowly peon who doesn't have the necessary status letters behind your name, so no one should listen to you because you are not worthy. Be sad for them. You do not need letters behind your name to feel worthy and to know that you are somebody. You are Human, so you are worthy and you are somebody.

Never put yourself down. You also do not need others to acknowledge you so you can feel important. You are not desperate for attention, nor to be important so you can ease your inner insecurities, lack of self-worth, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-love and lack of self-confidence. You already think highly of yourself, you have high self-worth, high self-esteem, high levels of self-love, a deep level of high-levels of self-confidence and you have a deep belief in Yourself. You do not want to live in an empty shell of yourself with no life and with you just rotting away in a dead life.

That is the reason why you need to surround yourself ONLY with individuals who respect human life, who are loving, compassionate, have a deep sense of Self, deep belief in themselves, have high levels of self-esteem and filled with empathy for human life. You should not go to school to get letters behind your name just so others can respect you and see you as important. That is such a repressed and backward mentality and living. We are not living in those olden days anymore. Do not think less of yourself, NEVER think less of yourself just because you don't have letters behind your name. ONLY insecure individuals who suffer from deep feelings of inferiority will depend on accolades and letters behind their name to get respect and acknowledgment from others.

This is the 21st Century, it is time to get rid of those backward, old, unprogressive mentality. Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. Think for yourself, understand humanity, and recognize that abuse of any kind is NOT someone making an excuse. That is ignorant and backward, nonhuman thinking and beliefs. Time to get rid of those ignorance and step into maturity, step into the modern, progressive world and stop putting people down and treating them as if they are dirt just because they may not have certain letters behind their name. That is just archaic, old, insufferable beliefs and behaviours that has NOTHING to do with being a human being and living in FREEDOM.

Life is not about how many letters you have behind your name. It is about who you are as a HUMAN BEING! It's also about how you use your life to turn around and help other human beings. Do not tie up your identity into your job and into external accolades. Because when you have lost those things then you will have no sense of who you are. You will be left feeling empty, lost and lack an identity. However, when you focus on being a human being, then it doesn't matter if you are not working or you don't have letters behind your name, you are STILL happy, because those things never defined who you are. You are not lost with no direction and you know things will start to look up again. You are in a liminal period, a period in which you are taking stock of your life and of where you want it to go. You are not going where others feel you should go. They do not get to run and dictate your life, especially those whose identity is tied up in "status" things and not in humans.

As Les Brown said, "In the up times you line your pocket, in the down times you line your heart." Granted, in the up times you should also line your heart. So whether you have a job or not, whether things are going well or not, financially, health-wise, or job-wise, you are still happy within because those things do not define you. You have a strong sense of self and it is not tied up in external things. Not to mention you are more concerned with deeper things of life and not with the frivolous, shallow, surface level and unimportant empty things of life. Become filled with love, become filled with life, happiness, and become filled with passion. Stop living a dead life within. Break down the walls of darkness, blackness and stubbornness. People are not to be used and treated like dirt.

No one is above another and their letters behind their name DOES NOT make them superior to you. It is a sad existence to live in and you do not want that existence for yourself. You don't want to be old, broken down, lack love within you and within your life and have no life to enjoy passionately. People who make fun of you being human, does that because they are afraid of living their lives freely. They are blocked from living their lives freely. They are locked into a mental cage. If you stay around those individuals long enough, they will eventually break down your self-confidence, your self-esteem, your belief in yourself and your self-worth with their vicious snarkiness, with their empty, dead living and with their non-humanness.

To reclaim yourself and your humanness, you have to gather up the courage to get rid of those existence from around so you do not soak up that dying energy. You have to have the courage to remove yourself from those individuals. You don't want to be dragged down into their quagmire and dungeon living and take up permanent residence with them. You don't want to live a tired life with no peace, happiness and passion within it.

You do not want to just survive and exist. NO! You want to live, you want to thrive and no amount of letters behind your name can give you true happiness, love, contentment and peace within. Live your life by your creation and yes you will be accused of not living in reality and they will be right. You are NOT living their reality, you are living YOUR REALITY and that's the only reality you need, not some locked down, mental slavery existence. A Reality that is helping you to become filled with love, laughter and human-ness. You are being human!

BECOME a human being. DO NOT allow anyone to make you become filled with a black heart and an even emptier soul. Allow no one to make you live in fear. Open your mind to humanity, open your heart to love and open your soul to the beauty within you. Start becoming human, allow no one to turn you into living your life like a programmed machine that is void of human emotions and feelings!!!

http://ezinearticles.com/?Reclaim-Your-Confidence,-Reclaim-Your-Humanness&id=9366819

How to teach and train your brain to Get What You Really Want ? - John A.ssaraf

3 Tips to Open Your Heart, Mind and Life to Change

Try these powerful self-improvement techniques....Then embrace the advice and do the work.

Comedian Louis C.K. performs this bit about the possibility of alien life: “I was watching a program about people on other planets. I don’t really care anymore. I’m not curious anymore about the wonders of the universe. I don’t care. I feel like I know enough things.”

If—like C.K. and me—you are approaching or fully entrenched in middle age, you probably feel pretty comfy with how much you know. You’ve got routines and rituals that work pretty well for you. And isn’t that what we deserve as adults? We went through years of trial and error to find the job, friends, leisure activities, even clothes, that fit us best. We are comfortable. Why bother with aliens?

Self-preservation is a strong survival instinct. When we are threatened, we puff up our chests and bare our teeth to defend our position, property and point of view. But one great paradox of humanity is that our self-preservation requires adaptation. We have to change in order to remain. Getting too comfortable—whether it’s in the cave with fire and animal skins or in the three-story house with central heat and Snuggies—prevents us from adapting to a changing world.

And the world does change—and not just in catastrophic ways like meteors or global warming. Your go-to Italian trattoria could close. Knee pain might end your morning runs. Your job may become automated. In other words, the aliens might find you anyhow, so you’ll need to learn new things. Because you’re human, this process will be uncomfortable, and this discomfort is called growth. You can go it on your own, but it’s easier with help from a friend, a parent, a mentor… a coach, whether formal or not.

Are you open to change? To help? Are you coachable? If not, your alien encounter might not go so well. It’s easy to decree, “Be more open.” It’s much harder to actually do that, especially if you have shy, cautious or defensive tendencies. Following are three powerful techniques for opening your heart, mind and life to change.

1. Affirm your values. When we feel threatened, our defenses immediately go up. To protect our self-esteem, we may deny our faults and find many in others. If your work team wins a pitch, for example, you might assume it was because of your own hard work and strategy. If you lose, though, it’s natural to blame the failing on your teammates’ laziness or your client’s lack of  vision.

While this self-serving bias may leave our egos intact, it doesn’t let us learn from the experience. But there is a way to counteract this ego-protecting instinct. It’s called self-affirmation, and it’s a simple theory developed by Claude Steele in the 1980s and studied extensively since: By affirming your core values, you ameliorate the effects of temporary blows to the ego. This type of self-affirmation consists of recognizing and reminding yourself of the qualities that make you who you are and that are most important to you: your family, your capacity for kindness, your creativity, your  faith.

“You’re affirming a deeper place than just your ego,” says Christine Carter, Ph.D., senior fellow at the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center and author of The Sweet Spot: How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work.

In a recent study of the self-affirmation theory, Lisa Legault, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at Clarkson University in Potsdam, N.Y., and co-researchers asked graduate students to rank these values: theoretical (discovery of truth), economic (what is most useful), aesthetic (form, beauty and harmony), social (seeking love of people), political (power) and religious (unity). Half of the participants were then asked to write a short essay about their highest-ranked value and what it meant to them. The others were instructed to write why their highest-ranked value was not particularly important to them. All of the participants then took a simple performance test (push a button when you see the letter M but not the letter W).

The students whose values were affirmed by writing about the value’s importance did better on the test and reacted to harsh error signals (WRONG!) with less stress. The participants who had been asked to undermine their values showed greater signs of neurological distress when they made mistakes, causing them to perform even worse.

Legault concluded that through self-affirmation, “people can anchor their sense of self in their broader view of the self as good, and there is less need to defend against the threat. Rather, they can focus on the demands of the situation, setting aside the need to protect their ego.”

A key to being coachable, then, is to drop your defensiveness simply by reminding yourself what really matters, Carter says. If you can’t accept bad news and advice, you can’t learn, change and grow. Whether it’s a professional matter (“You’re late with your work and need to manage your time better. Let me help you,” a co-worker might say), a relationship issue (“I need you to be more positive,” your spouse urges), or a matter of life and death (“You have diabetes and need to change your diet,” your doctor orders), open yourself to improvement by being true to your core values instead of your ego.

2. Be compassionate with yourself. In a study by Duke and Wake Forest universities, participants were asked to create a video introducing and describing themselves. They were told that someone would watch their tapes and assess how warm, friendly, intelligent, likable and mature they seemed. Half of the group received positive appraisals, and the others received neutral feedback, although all of the comments were completely fabricated and randomly assigned. Many in the group took the feedback, whether good or neutral, in stride and were willing to accept the comments on their personalities. But plenty of others were angered and upset by the neutral comments, rebelling against the idea that they might be simply average. They blamed the lackluster evaluations on the reviewers rather than their own personalities.

What made the difference between these two groups, one calmly accepting appraisal and one becoming defensive? The study participants had been evaluated on levels of self-compassion before the experiment, and the difference was clear: Those who scored high in self-compassion were not threatened by the feedback; they could accept and admit having flaws along with strengths—they were open. People low in self-compassion, however, lacked this emotional resiliency.

So what is self-compassion exactly? It’s “gentleness with yourself,” Carter says. “We think that if we speak critically to ourselves, we will improve, but all the research shows with absolute certainty that self-criticism does not improve performance. It blocks your ability to learn from the situation and creates a stress response in which fight or flight are your only options. Personal growth is not on the menu when you are self-critical.”

Highly regarded researcher Kristen Neff, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, writes that with self-compassion, “we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” Self-compassion is not self-pity, she emphasizes, because self-pity disregards the connections with the world at large and the flaws and suffering common to all humankind.

Neff’s definition of self-compassion involves:

• Self-kindness instead of self-judgment. Do you talk to yourself like a trusted friend, with a calm, forgiving voice? Or do you yell like a drill sergeant? If you are open to your shortcomings, then you are open to growth.

• Feelings of common humanity instead of isolation. Neff urges us to see our imperfections, struggles and suffering as part of the shared human condition so we can see our own weaknesses from a broad, forgiving place. Your flaws connect you to all other humans.

• Mindfulness instead of over-identification. Try to hold your experiences in balanced awareness, Neff says, rather than ignoring or exaggerating your pain. When you over-identify with certain feelings, you can get swept away by negativity or caught up in your ego.

Take a moment every morning, Carter advises, to say a kind word to yourself; to recognize your connection to the pulsing, imperfect humanity around you; and to practice mindfulness, whether through meditation, yoga or doing the dishes Thich Nhat Hahn-style. If you’re saying to yourself right now, I am skeptical of this stuff because I am self-conscious and definitely don’t believe in aliens, but I’ll give it a try, that’s OK: You’re on your way to self-compassion and coachability.

3. Try new stuff. Once you’ve practiced self-affirmation and self-compassion, you can put your openness to use. One step: Talk to strangers. Studies show that the more social interactions we have with “weak-tie” relations—fellow commuters, baristas, store clerks, neighbors, familiar people in your office—the happier and more satisfied we feel with our day. Also check out art: Appreciating paintings and sculptures helps make you more observant. And take lessons: Learning—whether it’s guitar, a language, chess, computer programming or rock-climbing—builds and preserves cognitive function.

“Always be growing and challenging yourself and seeking new opportunities,” says Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, and author of The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want. “It’s what prevents us from getting too comfortable.”

And above all, ask for help to do these things. We humans need each other. 

http://www.success.com/article/3-tips-to-open-your-heart-mind-and-life-to-change