Have you ever noticed how paralyzing fear is?
It's as if fear has a hypnotic power to take hold of our attention and makes us focus only on the thing we fear the most to the detriment of everything else.
And shyness is no exception.
You stand in the corner of the room at a party because all you can think about is the possibility of making a fool of yourself. You stay single because all you can see is possible rejection. You get overlooked for that promotion because the boss doesn't know you exist since you're too shy to speak up around him.
The list of examples is endless.
People who've tried to help have told you one of two things: Either white knuckle your way through it by forcing yourself to get out there or make some internal changes (affirmations, visualizations) that'll, hopefully, translate into real behavioral changes.
There's nothing wrong with the choices but they're definitely not for everyone.
I've found a way that combines the best of both worlds for a solution that doesn't make you feel like crap!
A cure for anxiety
Repeat after me...
"Action cures fear".
I first came across this while reading The Magic of thinking Big by David J Schwartz and it has changed almost every area of my life.
You see, because the very nature of fear is to keep you hypnotized under its spell, the best way to beat it is to act and act fast.
Thinking is the enemy here.
The more time that lapses between you feeling anxious and taking action, the more likely you are to cop out. For example, as soon as you notice that you're scared to talk to a girl, immediately say hi to her.
Not every situation will lend itself to this but many of them will. And the more often you face your fear, the smaller it'll seem in your mind. And he braver you'll feel.
Small, gentle goals
You don't always have to wait for the fear to hit you before you take action. Having a proactive approach to facing your fears is one of the best ways to conquer shyness.
What do you do?
Set small gentle goals that get you out of your comfort zone but aren't too much for you to handle and then slowly progress them to more and more difficult tasks. For example, if you've been afraid to talk to the opposite sex, sign up for a speed dating thing.
The idea is to stack small successes every day.
By 'success' I don't mean that everyone you talk to is going to become your best friend, but every time you do something that makes you feel a little uncomfortable, you become a little stronger and a little more confident.
So, what are going to be your tiny goals?
Say hi to five complete strangers? Ask for a girl's number? Have that meeting with your boss?
Whatever it is, make sure it stretches you.
No comments:
Post a Comment