My magical cat, Silver, came to me in a dream. And then he brought Jezibel to me.
When my previous cat, Miss Winters, had transitioned I grieved deeply. Friends kept calling me to tell me they knew of a cat that needed a home, but I knew I wasn't ready for another one. Had I taken on another cat before I was done grieving for Winter I would have been comparing the new cat to her. That just wouldn't be fair to the new cat.
A couple of years after Winter had died, I had a dream about a gray cat. It was as if I was laying on the floor and the cat was walking toward me. That's it. About 15 seconds of a dream, but it stayed with me all that day and the next.
Three days after the gray cat dream, a woman I knew who worked at my vet's office called me. "We have a cat in here from the shelter who's ready to be adopted and I think you should take a look at him. His name is Silver Cloud."
When she said his name I was stunned. My first thought was, "He's here already! The gray cat in my dream is here... and I don't even have any cat food or a litter box!" I made arrangements to come look at him the next day.
On my way to the vet's office I stopped to pick up a friend who wanted to go with me and see this dream cat I'd told her about. When we arrived at the vet's office, we went in and were taken to a room with huge cages. The vet's assistant pulled Silver out of one cage and gave him to me to hold. He was so excited he could hardly hold still, and kept moving from my left shoulder to my right and back again and then he'd flop backwards and look at me, almost as if he couldn't believe I was really there.
As this was going on, my friend was telling the vet and her assistant about a little black female cat she'd had but gave up because she got married and her husband hated cats. She still missed the cat deeply. The vet's assistant turned and pulled a little black cat out of another cage and handed her to my friend, probably hoping she'd fall in love with the cat and adopt it.
Before anyone could say a word, Silver spotted the little girl cat, threw himself backwards in my arms, stretched his arm out and around the little girl cat's neck and drew her toward him. He began licking her face as if he was plastering kisses all over her.
Both the vet and her assistant were stunned. "Those two cats have never seen each other," the vet finally said.
We watched the love fest for a while and finally I told them I'd take Silver and would be back the next day to pick him up, after I'd gotten cat food and other essentials.
The next day I arrived to pick up the cat of my dream, but I had a surprise coming. "We let Silver and Jezibel, the little black girl cat, stay out of their cages in the room and they played together, ate together, slept together, and basically were unseparable... and you have to take both of them," the vet announced.
"No. I only want one cat," I replied.
Well, this discussion went on for a while until finally she said, "You take both of them or you'll not get Silver. I won't even charge you for Jezibel."
And that's how I ended up with two cats.
It's been fifteen years since that day and every day I've been so grateful that the vet made me take both cats. They have loved each other as much every day since as they did that first day. They still sleep near or next to each other, eat together, have lick fests, and basically just love the dickens out of each other.
Or they did, until yesterday. Recently, Jezibel had been getting weaker, eating less and less, and beginning to have difficulty breathing. It soon got so bad that she couldn't walk across the room without having to stop to catch her breath. So I took her to the vet yesterday and the determination was that she had a tumor which was causing fluid to overfill the area around her heart and lungs, making it difficult for her to breathe. There was nothing that could be done to make her better. So my husband and I made the most difficult decision to allow the vet to put her to sleep.
I'm so very sad that I won't be able to enjoy Jezibel and the special connection we had. Still, I'm grateful that I was allowed to enjoy her for so many years. And I'm even more grateful that I could witness the deep, abiding love that she and Silver had for one another.
I believe that Silver and she had a communication toward the last about her leaving this plane. At one point he just sat next to her quietly while they looked into each other's eyes. He's not seeming to miss her - not looking for her or anything like that. I believe that when beloved pets transition, their spirit remains for a period of time. It's almost as if the pet wants to continue sharing their love for a while to help those left behind adjust to their loss. I think that Silver senses her spirit is still here... and so do I.
Remember... love is forever
As I was writing this article I was reminded of another one I wrote years ago after a dear friend had died. One day I was talking with a wise friend about my reaction and deep grief to my other friend's death. I mused upon the fact that either we're coming from love or from fear, and since this grief didn't feel like love, it must be fear of some kind. But fear of what?
She didn't disappoint and instantly gave me the wisdom I was looking for. "Grief," she said, "is the fear of lack of love."
Makes perfect sense. When someone, or some thing such as a dear pet that we love, dies then we fear that the love we shared with them dies, too. But here's the truth: Once energy is created it exists for eternity. Love, like all emotions, is energy. This means that when you lose someone or something you loved, the energy of that love still exists. And you can tap into it any time you want so you can enjoy it again.
It's easy. All you have to do is remember an instance or event with that person or thing that created the feeling of love within you. And you'll feel it again in an instant, whenever you want. And the best part is that you can never, ever lose a memory that creates the energy of love for you.
So if you feel yourself beginning to sink into the sadness of grief, remember that it's a signal to you that you're afraid you've lost love. Know that you can never lose love because it's eternal. And then recall a moment or an experience that brought you the feeling of love. As you do so, you'll feel that love energy once again.
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