What Are Meta-Feelings?
One of the biggest thing I learned when overcoming social anxiety was what Meta-Feelings (Meta-Emotion) were and how to deal with them.
Meta-Feelings basically are your feelings about your feelings. Or your reactions, thoughts, cognitions about your feelings.
History
Meta-Emotion was a term coined in the late 90s by Gottman, Katz and Hooven. It referred to how parents talked to their children about their feelings. We can have parents who emotionally coached us, and were OK about our emotions, and welcomed talk and sharing about them. Or we can have parents who dismiss, shame, discourage, disapprove of emotions and did what it takes to stomp out an emotion in the room.
Those reactions are internalised and become the way we relate to our own feelings and the feelings of others.
I use the words feelings and emotions interchangeably.
4 Types of Meta-Emotion
We can have 4 types of meta-emotions:
A study was done and concluded "Meta-emotions can be classified into four types:
negative-negative (e.g., feeling embarrassed about feeling sad),
negative-positive (e.g., feeling guilty about feeling happy),
positive-positive (e.g., feeling hopeful about feeling relieved),
positive-negative (e.g., feeling pleased about feeling angry),"
"In our study, negative-negative meta-emotions were the most common type. This indicates that many people get upset, nervous, or angry about their own negative emotions, in particular."
Not Making Headway in Therapy
I found that until I understood this concept I didn't make much headway in therapy. What meta-feelings do is lock the original feeling in place. You have to work on the meta feelings first in order to release the feelings you want to deal with. Often times just transmuting the meta-feelings released a lot of the underlying feelings as well.
I'm Such A Loser
This was one of the loudest voices in my head. Anytime I did anything that wasn't perfect, I told myself I was a loser. Anytime I glimpsed at my issues I felt so deflated and depressed because I hadn't overcome anything. But. My issues were being locked in because of how I talked to, and felt about myself.
I don't hear that voice in my head today.
So working on your relationship to your feelings, and being kind and accepting of them is paramount to healing yourself.
Helpful Modalities
Other than EFT which is what I used to work on when I had social anxiety, I learned focusing for a few years. It's completely changed the way I related to my feelings. I learned it from Emily Agnew and Ann Weiser Cornell. I will write about focusing in the coming weeks.
https://ezinearticles.com/?What-Are-Meta-Feelings?&id=10448128
The Only Way to Feel Good
"Even if I am locked in a prison cell and hated by the entire world, my spirit can still be that of a king." - Daisaku Ikeda
It seems too simple, I know. It's so simple that we want to make it more difficult, more esoteric. However, the simple truth is that the only way to feel good is to think thoughts that feel good.
Likewise, the only way to feel bad is to think thoughts that feel bad. It really is that straightforward.
Because our thoughts produce our feelings, what we choose to think determines how we feel. Please notice it's what we choose to think. Sometimes it doesn't feel like we're choosing our thoughts because negative momentum appears to be choosing our thoughts for us.
Negative momentum may at times feel like a runaway train. We may even be tempted to believe those negative thoughts. However, at any moment, we can consciously choose to think a thought that feels better. Even if we choose a thought that feels just a little bit better, we have stopped the negative momentum and we're re-focused in a more positive direction.
We often want to blame other people or external circumstances for our bad mood. We think, "if only he / she / it would change, I would feel good." Alas, it's up to us. And that is where our power lies.
We are guaranteed to feel bad if we think thoughts that feel bad. Likewise, we're guaranteed to feel good if we think good feeling thoughts.
Feeling good really is as easy as thinking thoughts that feel good [or a little bit better], focusing on things that are easy to appreciate and thinking of others who are easy to love. In this way, we begin climbing back up the emotional scale. Isn't it nice to know we have the power to choose how we feel!
Here's the process: We stay present and notice how we're feeling. When we notice we're not feeling the way we want to feel, we take that as information. Information - NOT that we've done something wrong or that we're in some way flawed - but information that we're thinking thoughts that don't serve us. Once we become aware of our negative thoughts, we can then begin choosing thoughts that feel better.
Some days it seems more difficult than others, but it's always the same process:
*Stay present and notice how you feel.
*Consciously choose thoughts that feel better.
*Voila, your vibration rises and you're a vibrational match to your desires!
It is simple and it does work, but it also takes practice. As we practice choosing thoughts that feel good and we get in the habit of feeling good, pretty soon feeling bad will be so unacceptable that, at the first hint of negative emotion, we'll nip it in the bud and get back to our natural state of well-being.
We all want to feel good and, thankfully, the Law of Attraction teaches us how to do that. We know how to feel good and we have the power to feel good. What could be better than that!
https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Only-Way-to-Feel-Good&id=9925246
10 Practical Tips and Tricks for Stress Relief
https://ezinearticles.com/?10-Practical-Tips-and-Tricks-for-Stress-Relief&id=9742338
Questioning Yourself To Successful Habit Changes ( By Scott Marcus)
There are countless apps designed to help one achieve goals, ranging from diet and exercise, to being more organized, to simply uplifting one's mood. For those less inclined to make change via an app, I've heard of some who journal, use to-do lists, or even pray and meditate on the desired outcomes. Of course, hiring a coach helps too. (Hint, hint... )
I am not judging any technique. If you're dedicated to your goals and willing to do the work, however you choose it, more power to you - especially in this ever-stressful world in which we find ourselves. That said, if you personally felt stuck and would like to make some changes; whether health-related, financial, or emotional, this four-question process is ridiculously easy to use and amazingly effective.
Question #1: Suppose I was successful; how would I know?
It seems silly to start here, but the reality is oft-times we fall short of our objectives because we've never defined the outcome clearly. We say "I want to feel better," or "I want to get more fit." Whereby those are lofty intentions, they're not concrete enough to drive us to an endpoint. Sure, they might get us started, but we'll often stall because we don't know when we've arrived and the journey feels daunting and without end.
It's more effective to state a goal such as "I will walk 30 minutes three times a week;" or "I will take time each day to write down five things for which I'm grateful.'
Being able to identify a clear change in behavior is essential to achieving goals.
Question #2: What has to happen for that objective to occur?
Obviously, if we were doing what we needed to do, we'd already be where we want to be. Since we're not yet "there," something must adjust. To that end, we have basically four options: start a new behavior; stop an existing behavior; do more of an already-existing behavior; or do less of an existing behavior.
Behavioral changes therefore might be, "put a 30-minute activity appointment in my calendar on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday;" or "reserve 10 minutes each morning to record those things for which I'm grateful."
The trick here is not to line out an entire series of changes, but to define one simple, effective adjustment you can make to move forward.
Question #3: Can I do that?
If you are not in complete control of what the behavioral change, success is left up to fate.
For example, if - in Question #2 - you stated, "Find a walking partner;" that leaves you stagnant until your find someone who shares your goal. Even if you do find a walking partner, what happens if she gets sick or decides she doesn't want to continue your joint-regimen? You're back to square one.
It doesn't mean you can't bring others along on your journey, but the path must be structured to move you forward irrespective of whether anyone else helps or hinders you.
By the way, if the answer to Question #3 is not "Yes," that means your goal in Question #1 is wrong for you. Make it smaller or rework it.
Question #4: Will I do that?
This requires brutal honesty with yourself. Sure, technically you can do that, but will you? Answers such as, "As soon as... " or "When the weather changes... " or "I'll try... " are merely fancier ways of saying, "No." There's no judgement in "No," but it highlights a truth; that truth being, "I'm not going to."
Either commit to doing it or go back to Question #1 and start again.
Repeat these four questions until you can get all the way to the end. Most times, you'll have to go through this process several times, each time whittling down your objective, until it all fits. Once that happens, the final bonus question kicks in:
Special Bonus Question: By when?
You've outlined your goal, determined what you have to do, realized it's indeed in your control, and committed to doing it. Next step is to set a deadline. By the way, "ASAP" is not a deadline as everything else will take higher priority.
Without deadlines, there's no urgency. Without urgency, there's very virtually no chance you'll move forward.
https://ezinearticles.com/?Questioning-Yourself-To-Successful-Habit-Changes&id=10329226
Pleasure Vs. Happiness - Part 1
Why do so many people equate money with happiness? It just doesn't add up when you hold that theory up to scrutiny. It seems to me that a more reasonable theory would be: Money causes unhappiness. People are constantly fighting over money. People often get divorced because of money. Money rules people's lives and often brings out the worst in them. When someone dies and there is money to be inherited, relatives that got along fine for years suddenly become bitter enemies.
How many times have you heard someone refer to their college years as the best time of their lives? The last time I checked, there were not an abundance of millionaire college students running around our nation's campuses. Acquiring money is a lot like reaching that next plateau on the material ladder of success. You have all these expectations for the happiness you will receive when you reach the next tax bracket, but when you get there, you find out that as far as happiness is concerned, it isn't much different.
After this, you strive to get into the next bracket and the next and the next with very similar results. Some people even feel more depressed, because in addition to not being any happier, they feel guilty because they believe that they are supposed to be happier when they have a lot of money. This treadmill way of living becomes a never-ending obsession for some people and they sadly spend the rest of their lives on it.
I think the root of this problem lies in one simple misconception. Most people mistakenly equate pleasure with happiness. Money can indeed buy you a great deal of pleasure. However, pleasure has very little to do with happiness. Pleasure comes from the enjoyment of something. It is gratifying while it is going on, but wears off gradually once the stimuli are removed. Going to the opera or a football game or eating fine foods may give you pleasure, but the pleasure diminishes once you are done.
Pleasures often have hidden costs associated with them that are not just monetary. A spouse may have an affair that is very pleasurable. However, that pleasure often comes with a high emotional and monetary price. It strikes right at the very core of who you are at the expense of your own integrity. This may not be apparent initially, but you can be sure that it will come back to haunt you. It may cost you in the form of stress and guilt as well. The pleasure will usually cover any negative effects that you experience in the short term. However, they could prove to be devastating in the long run.
Pleasure is easy, happiness is hard. It is technically not difficult to cheat on your spouse or significant other. It can be difficult to resist the temptation to cheat though. Pleasure is fleeting, Happiness can be eternal. Happiness is being at peace with yourself. It comes from the inside and it's a serene feeling of dignity that is unmatched in the human experience. There is no greater reward. The sooner you find it, the longer you will be able to enjoy it. As long as you do not betray what got you there, it will never diminish or leave you. When you find happiness, otherwise mundane tasks become pleasurable to you. You are no longer forced to search for pleasure, as you suddenly will find it everywhere you look and in everything you do.
https://ezinearticles.com/?Pleasure-Vs.-Happiness---Part-1&id=10336165
Message From the Universe: The Magic of Feeling Great
"Last night, I was dreaming of you, again.
You were radiant, confident, and light beamed in every direction from the core of your being. Music followed you, angels serenaded you, and everyone was elevated by your presence. Wisdom shown from your eyes. Kindness emanated from your touch. And your power was simply awesome.
You looked, well... pretty much... exactly as you do right now.
Wow,
The Universe"
So you have the Universe on your side. If it can see the potential in you, plenty of doors are soon to open up to guarantee your ultimate success. Everywhere you go, people are looking up with admiration, asking for advice and certainly will consider your knowledge as you have proven to the world the type of genius you are. Keep on moving forward no matter how much you are struggling as it is just temporary. Keep on feeling like you have won the lottery and walk with your head held high. Life has a way to help you change your perception about reality, the good and the bad, the hard and the easy, the pretty and the ugly and everything else that surrounds it. As long as you do not allow it to bother you too much, you will certainly get closer to your ultimate happiness.
It is sometimes hard to comprehend living the life of the rich and famous especially when starting from humble beginnings. No one can really fathom the time and energy that it takes to get to that level. The determination and sacrifice required can sometimes be hard to believe. It is only people like you and the ones who succeeded who can understand what it takes to make it out there. So when you look at where you are today, which may seem to be not much, learn to not give up as it may time some time to look at from a Penthouse on 5th avenue and remember all of what you went through to be where you are today. From this point forward, you may appreciate life and be thankful for everything you have now and what you will have later. Always be grateful for the humble beginnings as it makes you a humble famous and rich individual at the end.
https://ezinearticles.com/?Message-From-the-Universe:-The-Magic-of-Feeling-Great&id=9976045
Making Good Choices
Daily, our choices make us who we are. What, where and who we are is the sum of all those choices added together to right now. Now is such an important concept. Now is the only time that you have the chance to go out and get exactly what you are looking to achieve. There is no promise of tomorrow. To do this you must realize you have everything you need right now. Stop waiting for that something to happen because it never will until you make it happen.
Goals are meant to be achieved. This fruit that we bear because someone has dreamt. The way to achieve the goal is by going after the challenges. Decide that you are going to start today. The best way to do this is to build your mind. The best way to build your mind is to learn. Books, mentors, seminars, conferences and everyday life has a beautiful offering of ways to learn.
We are all given challenges. Those challenges are meant to be overcome. Know in your heart of hearts that you can achieve. These obstacles are the hard parts of life that become beautiful memories. Even in death. Think to someone you knew. When you think of them bring to the surface the great memories you have of them. Know those people that have come before wanting us to move forward in the best fashion. That means to live your life fully no matter what. Do not let their passing go unnoticed. You are perfect to know the lesson those people wanted to share with the world. Share their message.
Our actions will prove what direction that we want to go. Act. Think. Act again. Be the best that you can be. There are no more excuses to be sitting around. Are people calling you insane by your actions? Then you aren't succeeding unless that answer is yes. I enjoy acting. You will enjoy acting. We must put in the work together to become the person we know is inside.
Your dreams? Do you have dreams? Guess what? That dream is yours. Stop coming up with excuses. Write that book. Make that music. Build that company. Network until you make it happen. Invest everything you must become the person you want to become. Time, money and effort are only human thoughts. Do what you must to make your dream come into this life and humanity will thank you for it.
The Trick to Finding Balance
Heard the saying "Too much of a good thing is not good"? That's exactly right! Too much good is simply not balanced. So I am on my perfect holiday where you get all the peace and quiet. Everything is harmonious and just how I had wanted it, for days on. Until one day a family with an autistic kid arrives next door (the resort is only 6 semi-detached houses on a private beach). O boy, talk about noise and total lack of peace and quiet! Finally! Balance is restored.
So what does Balance really mean? Many mistakenly think that balance is the same as harmony. However, assuming the existence of harmony is something desirable and positive, whereas its absence is not desirable and deemed negative, then balance and harmony are not at all the same. Rather, balance is the meeting point between harmony and disharmony; it's what you find in the middle. In other words, if you feel harmony, the law of balance will bring you disharmony so you can experience both sides of the scale and come back to balance.
Thus, being in balance is not directly related to feeling good. If you have positive feelings, the law of balance is what brings you negative feelings in the next round so you can experience both sides and come back into balance. In effect, the law of balance attracts the opposite of what you have so the two things can cancel each other out and give you a state of neutrality. If you are looking for too much of the upside and you are resisting or fearing the downside, you are not looking for true balance. Rather, you are hoping to maintain a state of imbalance which, of course, is impossible. So instead of striving for the impossible, it's much better to just let go. Know that the law of balance is always working and always makes sure your life is balanced. The up always comes after the down. And the down always comes after the up.
Importantly, our brain can only experience time as linear and so cannot see the whole (perfectly balanced!) picture in its entirety simultaneously. This accounts for the pain caused by seemingly unbalanced negative experiences (which though are always preceded and always followed by positive ones). Since we operate in a state of limited perception in which we feel fragmented, dual, and separate, we simply can't grasp the fact that everything is connected and goes together. So we feel pain about the "negative" half of our life. But this pain is absolutely inevitable, and it is exactly what balances out the positive half of life in our world of dual perception.
Nevertheless, even with pain being eternal, suffering is still optional. Knowing that the law of balance constantly gives us a cup that's half full and half empty at the same time, and that this equation can never change, can help us accept the limitations and just go with them. Acceptance alone eliminates the struggle and open the door to living in true balance, trusting that things will come to net zero no matter what we do and how we think. Resistance, on the other hand, is what brings the suffering. So don't resist! Accept that you are always going to have a cup half full and half empty (i.e. in balance) and choose to focus on what's in the cup, not on what's missing from it.
https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Trick-to-Finding-Balance&id=10325797
To Prepare Yourself For A Better Tomorrow, Do All You Can To Be Your Best Today
The Aggregation Of Small Habits Leads To Greatness
Do you realise your best is yet to come? How do you feel when you read that statement? Do you think: "My best is behind me"? But what if you don't know what you're capable of unless you continue to move forward towards your goals and dreams? Let me give you an example. When Michael Jordan failed making his high school basketball team, do you think his career was over? Perhaps he thought so at the time because not making the team might have seemed like the end of the road for him, but it wasn't. It was the beginning of his career as one of the greatest basketballers of all time. Why? Jordan loved to play basketball and spent hours practicing and fine tuning his skills. The setbacks and defeats he experienced were part of the process to achieve greatness. They were inflection points in his career and why your best is yet to come, as long as you continue moving towards your goals. Warning: you must believe your best is still to come and keep taking the right course of action.
Your best will come from your habits, practice, growth, setbacks, victories and knowledge gained over the years. To prepare for a better tomorrow, we must commit to the tasks of today that lay the foundation for tomorrow. Nothing good can come of delaying that which we must attend to now. Whilst many of our daily tasks or habits can be tedious and time-consuming, with the right mindset they will transform our efforts into achievement. We must do our best whatever that looks like, knowing the aggregation of small habits leads to greatness. This is the essence of what motivational author and speaker Brendon Burchard refers to in High Performance Habits: How Extraordinary People Become That Way where he writes: "Being on your A game means that you are giving your best effort with full focus on the singular task at hand. To get it, you need to stoke the internal and external demands of necessity. Specifically, you assume the identity of a high performer and you set up situations that require full immersion." How does this idea appeal to you? Is this something you're prepared to invest in or are you already taking inspired action in your life? Whatever the case, investing in ourselves means committing to that which makes our hopes and dreams come alive.
Focus On Priorities That Make You Come Alive
We are the vessel upon which our tomorrow is created or conversely, one in which we will live with regret. Either way, regret is nothing more than ineffective action because we have squandered our time on things that don't matter. To be your best today, requires bringing your whole self to every situation. What do I mean by whole self? I mean the entirety of your being, including your mind, body and spirit. The person who brings their whole self to their task is inspired by a greater purpose for their life. A person who brings their whole self to their undertakings unites with their deeper intent, so each action is purposefully guided and emanates from passion and direct intention. We are the habits of our yesterdays and the victors of our tomorrows. What we plant in our mind and sow into our hearts becomes the seeds of greatness tomorrow.
So what are you committed to? What actions are delivering you tangible results? We must be clear whether our labour compels us to move forward or keeps us stationary. Stagnancy is a misdirected purpose in the form of resistance because we are frightened by the success of tomorrow. Yet, this is the purpose of daily actions and habits: to sharpen the saw as the late Dr. Stephen Covey wrote in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is the opportunity to refine, review and reward ourselves for actions we undertake that bring our hopes and dreams alive.
Nothing good can come of setting aside that which can be completed now because what we put off for tomorrow compounds and soon enough we face yet another fear. Our task is to minimise fear from our lives, so we can focus on our highest objectives through purposeful action. We ought to pursue things that make us come alive, not make us feel weary and uninspired. We must do away with commitments and obligations that hinder our progress or better still, delegate them to others so we can focus on that which makes us come alive. We must bring forth the song within our heart because this is the song that touches those whom associate with our work. So I ask you: what are you putting off today that may inhibit your tomorrow? Can you commit to the smallest task, even when you feel less inclined to? Without doubt, if we are inspired by some greater purpose, then the smaller tasks will fuel our actions because a better tomorrow is possible when we commit to be our best today.
The Psychological Release Valve. (By Daniel Brennan)
- Rest and Recover.
- Get organized for the coming weeks.
- Prevent burnout/stress. (I feel stress building because of a lack of time to pause and reflect.)
- Refrain from thinking about the future.
https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Pshychological-Release-Valve&id=9561311
How To Stop Trying To Control Life Through The Art Of Surrender
Striving Less To Get What You Want
Are you happy with your life? Is it unfolding as it should or do you face difficulties and challenges you cannot overcome? It's important we know whether we're trying to force things to happen or allow life to unfold as it should. What do I mean by this? Think of a current issue you are trying to resolve? Despite your efforts, has it worked out in your favour? Why not? For example, if you are in a relationship that is causing you trouble, why haven't your efforts to change the situation succeeded? Despite our efforts to control circumstances, we ought to concede that we have little control after all. I mention this not to minimise your power but so you understand life isn't something to be controlled. When we surrender to what is unfolding, everything will develop as it should.
We are conditioned from an early age to take control of our lives. Our parents, teachers and people of influence reinforce this message to go after what we want. I don't disagree with it. However, when we don't get what we want, it might seem like life is conspiring against us, where in fact life is functioning perfectly. Is this an idea you're willing to embrace to become a co-creator of your life? I assure you adopting this way of thinking needn't involve surrendering your power. In fact, you recognise the source of your power moves effortlessly through you and requires striving less to get what you want. It entails co-operation instead of commiseration.
For example, if you are a relationship and your partner causes you problems, how could you stop trying to control the situation? Well, for starters you may want to stop trying to control your partner. Secondly, it would be helpful to better understand your partner and their motives. Thirdly, it requires not trying to manipulate your partner to get what you want. Because the other person may concede to your demands if you try hard enough. However the downfall is, you become accustomed to controlling other people and when they don't conform to your needs, you are likely to suffer. Wouldn't it be easier to go inside yourself and examine what is at the heart of your issues? Perhaps there's unresolved childhood wounds you haven't attended to and your partner is activating them? You won't know unless you do the self-enquiry to understand why you react the way you do.
Everything Will Come To You At The Right Time
To paint an analogy, you might wake up from sleep one morning with a physical wound on your arm. Though, for the last eight hours you have been asleep so there's no explanation for the wound on your arm. After applying a Band-Aid and cleaning up the wound, you contemplate what could have caused it. You ask your partner and regrettably they cannot offer an explanation. After some consideration, you have a hunch the wound was caused whilst you were tossing about while experiencing a nightmare and accidentally hit your arm on a sharp edge of the bedpost. Had you not examined the situation, you may have continued to wake up with a wound on your arm on the following morning. Nevertheless, we tend to stow away our emotional wounds within our psyche because we don't want to face the pain. When the pain resurfaces, we wonder where it came from. Is this beginning to make sense? Are you understanding that trying to manipulate life will often backfire because life is not something to be manipulated but to be experienced?
Therefore, the art of surrender does not imply resignation but requires co-creating your life's experience with a greater intelligence. It is accepting that everything will come to you at the right time and not a moment sooner. Personally, when I contemplate surrender, I imagine myself floating on my back in beautiful coloured water looking to the sky with a beautiful sun warming my body. The water carries me effortlessly to where I need to go and I trust everything will unfold exactly as it should. This doesn't mean I don't make plans for the future, rather I am less invested in the outcome since I trust the universe to lead me to a better direction. I learn to trust this benevolent force responsible for the trillions of stars in the sky and every cosmic event, knowing it has a good handle on the process called life.
It is with this understanding I invite you to go back to the earlier problem affecting you. Journal in your diary or notebook five ways in which you can stop trying to control the situation. What could you do differently to create a better outcome? What steps can you take immediately? How can you see the situation differently? Journal your answers and revisit them over the coming days. It is only when we stop trying to control life through the art of surrender that everything will show up in an easy and effortless way.
Facing Consequences
https://ezinearticles.com/?Facing-Consequences&id=10263794
Not Being Fearful Of Normal Aging, Rather Embracing It
Growing old is a fact of life, and there is no sense or rhyme or reason to shy away from it or try to prevent it.
Here are a couple more of anti-aging tips to make sure you continue to have a terrific life even as you get older.
One of the finest ways on how to slow the aging and avoid procedure is by being more than pleased with life and finding inner bliss.
A good practice is to practice stress alleviating activities given that stress and anxiety contributes to speeding up the aging process.
To age gracefully, keep in mind to be safety conscious as time roles by.
When taking a trip in a car, constantly use your seat belt. By simply using typical sense, you can minimize the risk of mishaps, which could hurt your body or even cause death.
Ensure to spend time looking both into the future as well as the lovely times of the past.
As you age it is easy to look back and think that you have actually lived your life, so understand that even if you have done everything you have set forth to do, there is so much more to live for.
Make sure that you are getting adequate calcium in your diet plan by consuming more calcium-rich foods or by taking a supplement.
- Fragile bones suggest you can get a serious fracture from simply a moderate bump.
- As you age your hormone levels alter, and some stop altogether.
Your physician will be the one who can inform you if you might investigate hormone treatment, or if you ought to avoid it.
Keep Pushing Forward by Giving Up Poor Habits
Previously I discussed dealing with adversity were facing challenges in life are overcome by keep pushing forward.
A vital factor to prevent aging and boost life expectancy, again, I must say, is to not smoke.
Cigarette smoking ruins the body and speeds up the aging procedure pretty rapidly, and smoking is the most convenient way to look older and reduce your lifespan at the very same time.
It triggers disease, ages the skin, and is overall among the main avoidable killers understood to both women and men.
- Sugar has been shown to have an aging affect.
- You do not have to cut it out of your life totally, but definitely cut down on it.
It has been shown to actually decrease the lifespan in multiple research studies, so stick with foods that are naturally sweet like fruits to please your sweet cravings.
You can not avoid aging altogether, there is one thing you can manage: your mindset about getting older.
Your life may improve if you take these pointers and apply them.
If you change your state of mind your life can be genuinely fantastic, therefore stay favorable, and your future is going to be bright.
Getting old is a truth of life, and there is special list of anti-aging tips that will make your body last forever and there is no reasons to deny it or try to stop it.
One of the best anti-aging tips is by being cheerful and happy about life in general.
As you get older it is simple to look back and think that you have lived your life, even though you can't avoid getting older.
There is one thing you can manage: your attitude about getting older.
( I also suggest seeking out the web for ideas on raising hopes perhaps boost your confidence, and uncover how to overcome adversity in life.)
To happiness as you get older in life!
https://ezinearticles.com/?Not-Being-Fearful-Of-Normal-Aging,-Rather-Embracing-It&id=9948982
Take the Stress Out of Stress
https://ezinearticles.com/?Take-the-Stress-Out-of-Stress&id=10103178
The World Underneath Your Hat or "What Are You Thinking Underneath That Leopard-Skin, Pill-Box Hat?"
Neurofeedback is a non-invasive peek into the "black box" of the brain. The substrate of our consciousness, including feelings, thoughts and actions, is the neuronal activity within the brain which contains billions of neurons synapsing together. This communication between neurons creates different brain waves as we attend to different aspects of our life.
Sometimes our brain gets trapped in an electrical pattern that causes problems like anxiety, hyperactivity, depression, addiction, and so forth. The central nervous system (brain and spinal cord) is the center of all other bodily systems so if it isn't working right then other systems reflect it. For instance, you might have stomach aches or insomnia due to the pattern the brain is firing.
These disruptive patterns have arisen from physical or mental abuse, chronic stress, emotional or physical trauma, anxiety and so forth. In response to these stressors the brain adopted a pattern to survive the threats it perceived. This maladaptive pattern presents a host of problems for individuals, but also an opportunity to retrain their brain waves through neurofeedback which uses EEG electrodes to detect the different brain wave patterns.
Slow frequencies, like Delta, range from.5-4 Hertz and are the sleep waves normally present when fully unconscious. An aberrant pattern is finding delta waves in the frontal lobe when you are awake which reflects a person with "brain fog."
Theta waves (4-8 Hz) signify a state just before sleep where thoughts are replaced by visual images. It is called the hypnagogic state and is suitable for hypnosis.
Alpha waves (8-12 Hz) indicate meditative awareness and are concentrated in the right hemisphere which is associated with holistic processing.
LoBeta (12-15 Hz) is an organizing frequency reflecting calm focus, such as a cat watching a gopher hole. Training this frequency gives people a locus of internal control so they can pause before reacting, rethinking their response.
Beta (15-22 Hz) waves predominate in the frontal lobe fostering alertness, computation, language processing, and focusing on details. Higher beta frequencies (23-38 Hz) indicate hyper-vigilance and anxiety due to PTSD, trauma or abuse.
Gamma waves (40 Hz) integrate all parts of the brain in brief flashes of insight.
One type of neurofeedback, called "infraslow," targets frequencies slower than delta. These brainwaves arise from the brain stem and balancing them regulates physiological state through the autonomic nervous system. Sympathetic arousal (fight or flight) dissipates when you balance the infraslow frequencies. Neurophysiologist Stephen Porges notes, "from a parsimonious perspective, the brainstem is a final common pathway through which most information comes into the brain and leaves the brain. It is useful to think of the brainstem as a building block upon which other processes are scaffolded. If we can't regulate physiological state, which is a brainstem responsibility, then we have difficulties accessing and processing higher cognitive functions."
Why You Should Make It A Habit To Visualise Your Ideal Future
Visualise A Favourable Future
It's easy to focus on what is wrong in your life than trying to envisage a better future because your problems are real.
To imagine a future you can't see poses a challenge. However, it's worth devoting more time to visualise what you want to experience as I'm about to outline.
Before we proceed, I wish to render a caveat in case you dismiss this as another touchy feel good article. Visualisation without action is futile because mental preparation and inspired action are both necessary to bring to life your desires.
Visualisation is the seed fertilised in the mind, whereby action is the flowering plant that blossoms. One needs the other to manifest your goals and dreams.
I'm not articulating something new and apologise if you came looking for a revelation. Similarly, I can't assure you that a new idea will change your life either. What I can offer is a message that highlights why visualisation is a powerful tool to improve your life.
It's important to visualise a favourable future instead of focussing on circumstances that annoy you. Many people act impulsively without giving any thought to what they really want. They constantly think about what they don't want and are disheartened when it shows up not as expected. This is because they haven't devoted enough time or energy to get clear on their desires.
It was Napoleon Hill who wrote in The Master Key to Riches: "Mental attitude is important because it converts the brain into the equivalent of an electromagnet which attracts the counterpart of one's dominating thoughts, aims and purposes. It also attracts the counterpart of one's fears, worries and doubts."
People spend more time than necessary observing what is wrong in their life instead of imagining what their ideal future could be.
Use Windows Of Opportunity To Bathe Your Mind
Hebbian Theory describes the mechanism for synaptic plasticity stating: "Neurons that fire together, wire together." Brain cells that communicate frequently are strengthened through their connection. Messages travelling along the same pathway in the brain often become faster and more efficient.
This is beneficial for several reasons, least of which means what you give enough attention to is reinforced in the brain through its cellular network.
Therefore, if you give attention to what is unwanted in your life, those same cellular structures are strengthened and become efficient unless you change your thought patterns.
"Any idea that is held in the mind, emphasized, feared or reverenced, begins at once to clothe itself in the most convenient and appropriate physical form that is available," states Napoleon Hill.
I realise this is easier said than done. It has taken me many years of practice and drawbacks to consider myself capable of directing my thoughts. However, through diligent practice and regular meditation, I am more aware of my thoughts instead of allowing them to control me.
Certain times of the day such as early mornings and late evenings can be conducive to visualisation since the mind is less agitated then. Think of these times as windows of opportunity to bathe your mind with images and ideas to create your ideal future. The right time of the day helps in nourishing your mind with the right impressions.
Likewise, if you are stressed, hungry or tired, try not to wrestle with your thoughts since you are unlikely to succeed.
"While a certain amount of vision is necessary, on the other hand it must be remembered that we are dealing with a power that is like the soil of the ground, which will produce the plant when we plant seed. It does not matter if we have never before seen a plant like the one that is to be made for us. Our thought is the seed and mind is the soil. We are always planting and harvesting. All that we need to do is to plant only that which we want to harvest," wrote the founder of Science of Mind magazine Ernest S. Holmes.
Many New Age authors of the early 20th century spoke of the importance of visualisation, including: Ernest Holmes, Napoleon Hill, James Allen, Norman Vincent Peale, Wallace D Wattles, Neville Goddard and Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Even the great Stoic philosophers of ancient Greece spoke of training the mind to harness its potential. The most successful amongst us know that imagination is the strongest faculty of the mind.
Albert Einstein devoted many hours to conceive of intricate mathematical formulas. Author Walter Isaacson writes in Einstein: His Life and Universe: "How did he get his ideas? "I'm enough of an artist to draw freely on my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
In a similar vein, it was the great Italian Renaissance genius Leonardo da Vinci who spent countless hours visualising his inventions before they came to life. Da Vinci referred to his visualisation process as, "sapere vedere" which translates to: "knowing how to see."
Form A Mental Picture Of An Ideal Future
The power of imagination is a powerful mental ability to create one's future. However, to take advantage of it you must devote consistent time and effort to develop your mental powers so it becomes laser focused.
The British philosophical writer James Allen wrote in As a Man Thinketh: "A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind."
Visualisation requires time, patience and diligence and is something world renowned creators and thinkers engage in often. They apply laser-like focus to envisioning an idea until it comes to life.
Prayer is a form of visualisation, so too are your words, so it makes sense to use your creative powers to visualise your future. It's of no use bemoaning your current situation in the hope of creating a different outcome.
I liken it to travelling on a train headed in one direction before realising you want to go in the other direction. You notice a train approaching in the distance and decide to disembark in order to catch it.
And so it is with visualisation. Avoid giving your attention to what you're unhappy with in your life. Do not talk or write about it. Rather, focus on what you want to create by setting aside as little as five minutes a day to visual it.
James Allen says: "A particular train of thought persisted in, be it good or bad cannot fail to produce its results on the character and circumstances. A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances."
Many great thinkers used daydreaming to enhance their creative abilities. They sat in their favourite chair and allowed their minds to wander. Some took afternoon naps. In the moments preceding the nap, they visualised a scene or a problem and drifted off, awakening later with a solution. I often take regular naps in the afternoon and have noticed that my greatest insights arise following a twenty minute nap.
What you wish to bring to life should be first visualised and cultivated in the mind until it feels real. For the cynics, this is not positive thinking either, but redirecting the same mental energy you devote to your problems towards a better outcome.
Use the power of visualisation and emotions to form a mental picture of your ideal future.
It is often said we use ten percent of our minds. This is because we haven't developed the understanding to create our lives via our thoughts. By harnessing the power of your thoughts, you can train your mind to focus intently on what you want to create and play with the ideas, perhaps changing them before they manifest into reality.
Take consistent action to support your visualisations. Remember, visualisation and right action work in harmony with one another. On their own, are merely a diluted fantasy.
Harness the power of your conscious and subconscious mind and you will undoubtedly create a powerful future worth living.
https://ezinearticles.com/?Why-You-Should-Make-It-A-Habit-To-Visualise-Your-Ideal-Future&id=9885502
The Stockdale Paradox - Coping With Hard Times
What Is The Stockdale Paradox?
The Stockdale Paradox is named after the late James Stockdale, former vice presidential candidate, naval commander and prisoner of war during the American-Vietnam war.
It became well known having been featured in author and business guru Jim Collins' book "Good To Great" following extensive interviews between Collins and Stockdale exploring how Stockdale survived 8 years of imprisonment and torture.
Collins' specific focus was to identify the principles that underpinned Stockdale's survival and emergence at the end of the war as not only unbroken but as source of practical inspiration.
Balancing realism and optimism in a dire situation is a key to survival and success
What the Stockdale Paradox means is that in times of prolonged and seemingly never-ending hardship, set-backs, suffering and distress we need to maintain optimism that we will survive and pull through, and yet, at the same time, balance that with a total realism and practicality about the harsh present realities.
In Stockdale's own words:
"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
Paraphrased to its core:
Hope for the best, but acknowledge and prepare for the worst
Such paradoxical thinking is one of the defining philosophies of many who have made it through severe hardship and eventually reached their goals.
BUT, this paradox contradicts the law of attraction and so much of the output of the self-help industry.
Suffering IS an integral part of the human condition. It is as though there is an inbuilt design flaw that ensures that we all suffer at some point, one way or another.
Right now at time of writing we are all suffering in some way as we come to terms with the aftermath of the Covid pandemic.
Coping With The Attrition Factor
Many, maybe most, of us are capable of coping with challenges and difficulties in the short to medium term.
But in my experience once a challenging situation drags on beyond the one year mark we start to flag, and after two years - with no end in sight - it gets really tough.
This is what I call the attrition factor.
It is this point that we need to develop the Stockdale Paradox and take it to the next level.
This means that in addition to maintaining a hope for the future and a pragmatic realism about the present you need to do 3 further things:
(1) Find a way of dealing with the emotional side of your pragmatic realism.
There are times when there is nothing more we can do to alleviate the situation. In these circumstances we have two powerful options: we can resist it or we can accept it.
# The biggest key to all this is to behave and respond in ways that may be completely alien to us by allowing and cultivating a very deep acceptance of what is happening and acknowledging that we are not in control of circumstances and - counter cultural and counter intuitive as this sounds - to go with the flow.
# The more we can surrender to the flow then the more we automatically become aligned to a far greater dimension of our consciousness than we may have ever previously experienced - this really is the key
# It is this alignment with the flow that is the dynamic that will pull us through this difficult situation and it is this alignment that is the source of our self-motivation through and beyond present difficult circumstances
# Whether we realise it or not, whether we accept it or not, there is always a spiritual dynamic at work in these situations
(2) Recognise and understand that you are not your thoughts
Our thoughts can drive us crazy, especially in these difficult situations that drag on, and on...
We don't have complete control over our instinctive emotions, they're largely involuntary and that's part of being human. What we do have, though, is control over how we choose to respond to those feelings.
The key to this lies in understanding that:
What matters is not the content of your thoughts but your relationship with your thoughts.
(3) Transform your "dead time" into "alive time"
In "Alive Time vs Dead Time" - I asked the question:
"When you can't work because you have no work, when you feel stuck and can see no way out of this situation, when you don't even know if there is an end of the tunnel, what do you do with your time?"
In difficult times like these, we can choose to just doss around and feel impatient, resentful, or angry.
Or we can we can exercise control over our use of this time figure a way to solve a problem, reach a goal, or help someone else with these things.
Dead time can be revived and transformed and used to our and others long term benefit. We can use this time to emerge from this overall situation a better and more resourceful person.
"I never lost faith in the end of the story. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade." (Admiral James Stockton)
https://ezinearticles.com/?The-Stockdale-Paradox---Coping-With-Hard-Times&id=10390142
15 Habits of Extremely Happy People
Happiness is every person's goal in life. Even though most people have no idea of what to do to be happy and what happiness really adds up to. We all strive to stay relevant to our goal.
1. They are not self-absorbed
This is a person that generally does not make everything about themselves. They are open-minded and allow their thinking to go beyond their heads. They welcome other people's suggestions and criticism. They don't take other people's opinions about them personally. They build their character based on well-thought out choices and opinions. They positively accept correction from people and also appreciate other people's way of life.
2. They are appreciative and contented
Being contented and showing appreciation is a character trait that most people don't have. They take a lot of things for granted not knowing they deprive themselves of the small joys of the world. Being able to appreciate someone else for how they have dressed, made their hair, their new pair of shoes, being able to see the other person laugh and smile and having contributed to them having a nice day is even a greater way of being happy.
3. Making alone time and meditating
This is a vital part of being happy and knowing yourself better. Having alone time helps one check on their character, know what makes them happy, sad, set life goals, etc. When meditating, one learns what to focus on with life, what makes their life better and how to better themselves. Making sure to have some alone time also keeps someone in a peaceful mood and helps them to face their fears.
4. Doing things that make them genuinely happy
Being happy is a full-time job, so each of us needs to find what genuinely makes them happy and avoid hypocrisy. Doing what genuinely makes you happy will help someone from harboring hate and toxic feelings caused by forced happiness and pretending to be happy for everyone else's sake. Most people have an illusion of happiness and they don't try and find genuine happiness or what activities genuinely make them happy. So they end up feeling unfulfilled and sad. So, finding genuine activities that make you happy is a great step to being extremely happy.
5. Having a positive attitude towards life
Life brings a lot of challenges with it and the sad part is life challenges are inevitable. People have to find better ways to cope with that. People with positive mindsets have it easier when difficulties come to their path. They see problems as challenges that they have to face to pass a given stage and enable them to relate to things in a better way. Those who are afraid of challenges will always feel condemned and sad because they never know their way through.
6. Being at peace with yourself, friends, associates, and family
You should try, as much as possible, to be at peace with those close to you. These include friends, family, work associates and, even your partner. These people play a major role, what they do can directly affect.
7. Enjoying every moment
Most people take for granted moments spent with other people; either playing, out for coffee or chilling in the house and even time spent with their family. They fail to maximize the fun they would have had during these times. This is also a way of harboring regrets and unfulfilled moments that people have. Hence having bad days and tough times.
8. Respecting yourself and not settling for mediocre
People who know what they want in life don't settle. They know their purpose, set goals and work towards them. Despite the challenges they might face on their way to success, such people don't give up. They are grounded and they don't settle for mediocre results that are unfulfilling to them. They know their self-worth and they work at achieving what they set their minds to.
9. Staying healthy
Health is a major contributor to happiness. This entails having good eating habits. Make sure you have a balanced diet, take lots of water and make sure your meals are hygienically prepared. This will help you avoid sicknesses and stay healthy. Exercises also helps people stay in shape and avoid diseases caused by unhealthy eating, it also helps someone unwind and feel relaxed. Ensuring one is clean by bathing, putting on makeup, perfume. This helps boost someone's confidence and makes them feel good about themselves.
10. Rewarding and feeling good about yourself
Everyone loves gifts and being appreciated. Most people forget that you can buy yourself gifts, appreciate yourself and feel good about it. We all have our shameful struggles or our bad habits that we aren't proud of. When you stop a bad habit and no one notices, treat yourself out, buy yourself some new belt. People might not know how big a deal the situation was or how much you struggled with it. Awarding, and giving yourself credit for it, is not a bad thing. This will help you see yourself as an achiever and will also boost your self-confidence.
11. Surrounding yourself with people and things that bring positivity in your life
The people and things someone surrounds themselves with say a lot about them. They highly contribute to someone's character and thinking. If you surround yourself with people who are always about the positive side of life and encouraging one another to be better versions of themselves, then there are high chances that that is the kind of person you will be. This character building technique is important in our lives. You should be careful who you relate with because they influence you in a wonderful way.
12. Treating people with kindness, respect and being happy for them
One can create happiness by seeing other people happy. This is also a way of trying to live a fulfilling life. Help people out when you can, reach out to them when they need your help. Visit the patients in hospitals, help out in orphanages, give food to the homeless. You feel fulfilled when you are able to make someone smile and be happy. Treat your friend who delivered a presentation. These are some of the ways in which being kind and helpful to others can bring to you happiness through these simple gestures.
13. Not comparing yourself with other people
Comparing yourself, your personal achievements and successes with those of other people is not a healthy way of being happy. Most people forget that everyone is totally different from others and we all have different struggles in life. Comparing yourself to other people is an injustice to yourself and you end up degrading yourself and end up leading some sad, unmeaningful life. You should try and better yourself from what you have. You should not consider another person's success makes them better than you for any reason. Focus on bettering yourself on what makes you happy and fulfilled. Make your own path to achieving your goals and dreams.
14. Have life-improving goals
Most people settle for what they are offered even when deep down they know it is not what they want or deserve. This ends up making them feel less of a person or not fully recognized by people. Make sure you set goals that help you become a better person. Either mentally, financially or physically. Strive to make the best out of yourself and when faced with challenges don't despair. Make the best out of your worst experiences.
15. Allowing yourself to be human
We focus so much on other people and make considerations for them rather than for ourselves. We forget that we also hurt, feel, cry and make mistakes. A lot of people are so focused on their mistakes and setbacks, they forget that they also fall, fail and make mistakes, which is okay. They should accept that mistakes are inevitable, and you can always make the best out of them and learn something. Forgive yourself as often as possible, accept your faults and apologize when needed, or when you know you are at fault. Don't forget, you are just as human as everyone else and, just like them, you also can make mistakes and be at fault.
Conclusion
We are all entitled to being happy and finding fulfillment in whatever we decide to do with our lives. People should realize their happiness solely depends on their choices and perception about life and what it brings with it.
https://ezinearticles.com/?15-Habits-of-Extremely-Happy-People&id=9975274