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The Hole That Was Dug For Me (By Joshua Clayton)


My life is not smooth, and the lives of many other people are not smooth either. The rougher the life, the more you take it and get past the roughness, the more you can handle, they say? That is real, honest and true. When the anger at life is explosive enough, you become a Hitler. When the anger at life is implosive enough, you become a cocaine crazed Sigmund Freud. But when you can handle it, you become like me. Able to take anything and still tick at even the worst news and worst happenings there could be. That is what I want to write about in this article today:

Life seems harsh and even mean and unreasonable when you expect from it. But, when you know that life expects from you actually more than you expect from it, it is not such a challenge, it is a mantle you take up, and it does not matter what the weirdness, strangeness or just plain mess it brings, you can get through the challenge and it does not matter what the challenge is, it is not a big deal.

Some people get suicidal at the smallest disappointment though. While in my own and probably Joan Rivers case, nature has to take me out, because I am not going willingly into the hole that was dug for me. Let us look at Joan Rivers for a moment, once I read a few of her autobiographies and books of hers and I understood her viewpoint better. Her husband committed suicide over business disappointments, and Johnny Carson tried to get her out of show business, among other things. But that is not the point, I said I would look at Joan Rivers for a moment and I did, back to my facts and the facts of everybody again. When you expect from life, it is disappointing and even suicidal type disappointing. When you know that life expects from you, you can live until nature takes you out or even better, develop your spirit so that immortality works for your consciousness. Well, something like that.

My point is that I do not expect anything good from life, but I do expect to give something good to life. Is that a surprising statement? Well, ask most people who are contemplating suicide with that deep internal anger why they want to commit suicide and they would probably answer, "I expected more from life!" Well, in my opinion and personal reality that is the wrong answer and always is, no matter who commits suicide or gives up, from Robin Williams, John Belushi and Richard Manuel to Donald "Don" LaPre or Bernard Madoff and his kids. No disappointment or need for "escape" is worth killing yourself over in my opinion and reality.

So, back to what I was saying: I expect nothing. But, I know that life expects something from me. I will fulfill that expectation and not expect any reward in return, and if I do or do not get one, it does not matter. I know I did the right thing in my heart, soul and spirit, instead of "taking the easy way". Yes, the easy way is paved with easy gold but ends in a dump. Real Shamballa or Shangri La is located in the most worthless Gobi desert. Get my point? The easy way is enticing and even seemingly thrilling, but the hard way leads to understanding and enlightenment that can earn you those thrills infinite times over. If you get the point to that last sentence before this sentence that I am getting at, you will save yourself a lot of trouble, because I am not going to spell out the context I took a lot of trouble to realize for myself. That ends this article.


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