Tony A's 12 steps for Adult Children of Alcoholism, are a little different from the original 12 steps. I do no relate to steps 3-10 in the original 12 steps. I have not lied and cheated or stolen from others, I do not have children that I have harmed and hurt by being abandoning or neglectful or shaming. I Never felt comfortable and couldn't "relate" in a original 12 step group. I wasn't a narcissist who didn't care about anyone but myself. But I came from a family of severe dysfunction. I say severe because I think there are many levels of dysfunction, it's not just one kind. But yes, I know that dysfunction is prevalant in many families and across many cultures, backgrounds, ethnicities. So when I finally found ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics or other dysfunction) and started attending meetings all this stuff, my STUFF started coming up! I knew that this was the program for me. I could relate to everyone in the group, on some level they were speaking my truth, they could understand what it was like living with a Mom that was suicidal, or a father that raged and was absent a lot. And family members constantly crossing boundaries with each other.
Immediately I wanted to attend a meeting a day. But I realized you can't rush your process, in fact that's another trait of someone from an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, is to RUSH the process, and try to move through all the steps too quickly.
Step 1 in Tony's A's Original 12 steps starts out like this:
"We admitted we were powerless over the effects of living with alcoholism, (dysfunction), and that our lives had become unmanageable."
For the longest time I wanted to deny this process! I wanted to say to the world and to myself that there's nothing wrong with me, it was 'them' that were sick! I'm so glad I got those people out of my life, and now I know all I need to do is keep sick people (addicts, abusers, manipulators, liars, cheaters, sociopath's etc.) out of my life and I will be set! Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I ended up alienating myself even more and drowning in my work, another trait of an adult child. Now adult child doesn't mean we act like a kid as adults, it means when we were children we needed to be the "adults" because our immediate guardians or parents were too dysfunctional to take care of us. I know it's a sick cycle but this is how it goes.
Now what I am learning is that first step, to take the program one day at a time. To go to the meetings, to talk to people, to find a sponsor and to really begin a deeper level of healing. This is the first step in my own childhood emotional recovery.
https://ezinearticles.com/?The-First-Step,-In-My-Journey-of-Childhood-Recovery&id=9846529
No comments:
Post a Comment