On most occasions, the anger is a charged and an emotive expression of either a dislike or a disapproval or both. Such an expression is predominantly in response to a perceived or an actual menace to one's ego and / or self-image. Anger is also defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. In my definition, Mr. Anger is one of the children of Mr. & Mrs. Ego. Besides, Mr. Anger has many siblings & cousins, including Ms. Anxiety, Ms. Jealousy, Mr. Impatience, Ms. Restlessness, Mr. Intolerance, and Mr. Poor Listening. What a large family!
What does anger do? It essentially affects the person at three levels, i.e. emotional, rational, and relational. Whether qualified or unqualified, the anger is the least researched or rather, an ignored ailment that drains the person every time she gets angry.
About 18 months ago, I decided to undertake a series of actions for helping me first control my anger, and then cut it altogether. It was a conscious decision, but I was not clear about what path I would end up taking. I, nevertheless, began with a few small actions and continued increasing the list of 'to-do' and 'not-to-do' items over a period. As the time passed by, I recognized that controlling the thinking process is a powerful weapon to calibrate my temperament and, thereby, check the 'angry' aspect of my nature.
I have presented here a few actions that have yielded noticeable changes in my behaviour over the last few months. I am mindful that I have just initiated the journey and have miles to travel. Some of the actions are regular in nature, while some are event-based.
Slowing down
I understood and admitted that I am a restless person for no rhyme and reason. Therefore, the first action I took was to slow down in all my daily chores. These routines include getting up from the bed, brushing the teeth, sipping the morning tea, reading the newspaper, taking the breakfast & meals, dressing & undressing, driving, walking, typing, speaking, drinking water, and so on. This slowing down has helped me gain deeper understanding of the embedded anxiety or restlessness which actually has no basis.
An addictive morning walk
I have acquired this addiction by design. Now, I make sure to walk at least 4 miles every day morning before 08:30 am. I walk alone because it permits me to insulate from the 'crowd' and connect better with the nature & myself. When I walk alone, I am able to bond with the greenery around, the flowers' fragrance, the chirping of the birds, and the squirrels running around. As a byproduct, I have been able to improve my fitness and stamina. This is also the best time for me to ponder on myself and gear up for the day.
Turning more tolerant
Earlier, I was surely a short-tempered and an intolerant person. My superiors, peers, team members, and family members had shared their opinion on these traits in many instances. Over the last 12 months, I have practiced to be less short-tempered and intolerant. In the old days, if someone had cracked a joke on me, I certainly would have gotten impatient and would have been a little sarcastic on the person who cracked the joke. Now I am able to take it lightly and laugh at myself. The only way to be less short-tempered is to keep the mouth shut when you really want to fire all guns ablaze.
Reliving the childhood
This is one more potent weapon I have discovered. As we all would vouch for, a child does not have a functioning or an explicit ego. A child is innocent and does not bother about what others' think of her. A child by the nature's design wants to play and enjoy the life. Therefore, I have with all 'seriousness', made attempts to awaken the child within. During the morning walk, I dance for a few moments when I feel like, while listening the retro Hindi songs. When I am catching a cricket match on the TV, I clap loudly when my favourite batsman makes a hundred. Reliving childhood in a way has helped me detoxify.
Separating the self from the statement
In our in day-to-day life, we tend to shuffle up the content & the intent. For instance, when my spouse shouts at me for not placing the towel on the right spot, she is upset with one of my behaviours and not with me in totality. If I were to presume that she is upset with me in totality, I surely would have reacted and shouted back as I was doing in the yesteryear. In my earlier corporate assignments, when my bosses had yelled at me for an inadequate delivery, usually they were worried about the outcome of the tasks or projects. It was up to me whether to take their yelling at personal or professional level. I was reading it more personally than professionally. Now, I have become more sombre and learned to separate the intent and the content. I am better able to detach from the situation and decode the logic of what the other person is saying.
Accepting others just as they are
This is one more powerful warhead I have found. I have realized that it is far easier to accept other persons as they are than seeking to change their behaviours. The difficult aspect is to make minor moderations in my behaviours, while accepting others as they are. Nevertheless, these minor behavioural moderations are making me more versatile and down-to-earth. When I accept the other persons as they are, I end up earning their respect and goodwill in the most cases.
Converting reactions into responses
Earlier, I used to be more reactive and less responsive. Now I make concerted efforts to respond by listening intently. This allows me more time to understand. I then realize that, in many situations, there is actually no need for even responding. A reaction by an implied meaning has an inbuilt negativity and can be harmful. On the other hand, the meaning of the term response does not suffer from any such definitional bias.
Closure
Many of you would be post-graduates in the discipline of the Anger Management. I am a beginner, but with a clear idea of the terminus. I am fully mindful that my voyage is a longish one because I have to move beyond the symptomatic changes. I intend to alter my dysfunctional or less functional behavioural patterns into more functional ones. I will complete this journey because I know that when I arrive at the destination, there will be three distinct rewards, i.e. emotional, rational, and relational.
https://ezinearticles.com/?My-Experiments-With-Regulating-The-Anger&id=8629426
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