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I Am Big (By Gini Cunningham)

Two Women Holding Pen

Most frequently when rough situations arrive in my life I exert effort to go along to get along. Usually this serves me well, however, as the years of my life have expanded I have begun to realize that I sometimes lose myself and my personal perspective in this state of acquiescence. Instead of a strength, getting along transforms into a liability and a sign of weakness. Nodding and agreeing wears out my head, my neck, and my mind. To remedy this situation I have been reading stockpiles of self-help and self-improvement books, perusing the Internet for enlightening articles, and I have also enrolled in a class on leadership. All have assisted my resolve to be more assertive and speak my mind, but the best has been the class.

Taken online with verbal interaction in full group and partner discourse, we have read, shared, and examined our beliefs in ourselves and in our outlook in leadership roles. As I listened to others who are working full-time and trying to lead where a herd of cats expresses dismay and distrust at every request or task, I am pleased that I work independently and have the freedom to serve or to exit the scene and move on to arenas that provide me with a sense of well-being, purpose, and accomplishment. One example is a mentoring job that I was recently offered.

The contract work with a school district included teaching four classes and then acting as a mentor in twelve classrooms throughout the local system. Some were brand new, others long-term substitutes, and a third group consisted of alternative licensure. The latter already have a post-bac degree and are teaching and taking classes to become certified. In addition there are 22 other teachers with whom I have occasional contact to guide and mentor as needed. It is fulfilling work and it also really fills my time. I'd love to have the job, but it was not essential to my well-being. The individual in charge of hiring is known for her humor but also for her tough-as-nails approach. She has represented a towering figure whenever I have worked with her. But this situation was new and unique and my laissez-faire attitude operated to my benefit.

As we began the interview process I assumed my regular stance of nod-and-agree. This was easy because what she asked of me was exactly what I wanted to do. As expectations and then wages came and passed, I asked, "And how much funding is available to supply these teachers with the materials and tools that they will need to implement training techniques I teach and model in their classrooms?" Her response, of course, "None."

Not surprised, I continued, "Really, how much can I spend on each teacher to get the necessary supplies?" A pleasant smile returned another, "None."

"No, I know you have funds tucked away that could be used for this purpose." On this third attempt I felt her melting just a tad, leaning toward my request.

"Well, I'll see what I can do. About $100 per teacher? " My nod was answered with her nod as she added, "I'll check and email you tomorrow."

We stood to shake hands and to my astonishment, this giant of a woman was shorter than I by several inches. Her towering demeanor had cowed me into shrinkage. I had not realized how I had allowed myself to diminish in the get-along stance. As I stood up and spoke my mind, I became empowered and fearless. I knew money existed. Schools (and Congress) always swear there is no money but low and behold, there is when pet projects come waltzing along. My new strength increased my optimism and my chance for success. While I do not plan to become argumentative and demanding, I finally, after many decades of nodding through life, recognize that a firm posture exudes power and potency. I am big.



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