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Life's Recalculations (By Gini Cunningham)


My life is pretty outstanding. I have had a marvelous career in education, I am now retired and free to do volunteer work, I have three lovely children (two with terrific spouses), gorgeous grandchildren with a third on the way, and a kind and devoted husband. Then there is the extended family: sisters and their spouses, nieces, nephews, and all the great-nieces and great-nephews as well. I suppose that if I had worked hard to imagine what my life would be at 63 when I was just 16, this would probably be about my vision. I am contented, busy, and appreciated. With all of this, why do I still possess such nervous energy?

This is when life's recalculations come into play. In a calculated life, events would unroll - bing, bing, bing - in sequential and logical order. The joy of paragraph one would exist and flourish with no distractions or veers. Lacking, though, would be the sense of adventure, the excitement of trying something new, exploring somewhere different. I realize that some folks are happy to spend days in safe, quiet spaces surrounded by all of the nice people I have described. I want this, but I also want more. I like variety, shuffle, and exhilaration. I like things even but also roughed up a bit as well. I guess that is one reason that I frequently respond with enthusiasm of spirit but absence of forethought. Example: I received a wedding invitation from family and assumed it meant all of my family and me and so my RSVP reflected that 9 would attend. When I checked the Facebook guest list I saw that only my husband and I were actually included, not the family, and so I had to backtrack and quickly email to change the number of guests. This required some recalculation and a few apologies and a dash of frustration.

My personal recalculations include exercise, fitness, and challenges. I jog and swim but recognize that that is not enough to revitalize my entire body and so I have tossed in biking and yoga. Having been a well-balanced diner for years, 16 months ago I cut out meat and fish. One reason was I decided it was more fat than I needed but the real, psychological reason was I like eyes. Whether on a shrimp or a cow, those little sparkles grabbed my soul and then zapped away my fleshy appetite. I do not mind if others devour these and I prepare them for spouse and family, however I just can't indulge any longer. Recalculating diet and exercise to retain maximum health and efficiency took some thinking.

Another recalculations, one with which I am struggling, is determining what is of the greatest value in life for my volunteer efforts. I work in schools and with Alzheimer's awareness. I love both and am devoted to each, however, I also do not possess control over either. That's an entailment of volunteerism, to do as told, as mandated, as stated, and not to wander off, or at least too far off, the beaten path. This is tough since I am also pretty independent. When I see a wrong I right it; when I note a fallacy I correct it; when I bump into a roadblock I view it as temporary and probably not meant for me and so I find a way around or through or under or over or just bulldoze on and obliterate it. I can hear you thinking, "My, recalculations are a necessity here! ASAP" I agree, I should quit, and I disagree, if I quit, how will it ever get done?

I guess what I really must recalculate are my intentions. If they are good, honest, and out in the open, they should be all right, right? I'll work harder at reading faces and bodily signs and restructure as needed, redesign as is necessary, and recalculate to attain goals and accomplish my life's dreams. This sounds doable. But I will also zip on ahead - I must. This is one area, my drive-and-determination, (check how neatly I combined that idea!), where recalculation is an impossibility.


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