Feelings Of Worthlessness - Depression and Women (By Noreen M Sumpter)

You aren't worth squat, shit, nothing, these are some of the things that you say about yourself. Maybe it is something that people who love you treat you when you're not behaving in a way they want you. "You're lazy good for nothing and worthless." This my past internal recordings. The thing my father used to say to me because my bedroom was always a mess, it was his way of shaming me into cleaning it up. I felt awful when it was happening, powerless; he was the one in charge. The boss of me. He said it was my bedroom so, why was I not allowed to choose when I wanted to clean it up.

However, it did nothing to inspire me into cleaning the room or keeping it tidy. I had all kinds of responses for the upset I had, which I never said. I would just resist what he wanted me to do. However, I know that it did affect me. It affected me in a way that made me want to be excellent at all the things that I put my mind. I would be trying to prove that I was not lazy and I was worthy. My dad has been dead no some years, and I used to have his voice ringing in my head all the time. It impacted me in many ways. If I wanted to lounge on my couch, I would hear his voice, when I tried to relax that mindset kept me busy. I had to prove that I was not lazy. I loved to work. However, I enjoyed working at things that I was interested. It took a minute to clear up that mess and turn off his voice in my head. I always thought I had to work hard to get the things I desired. I discovered that my self-esteem was low because of those conversations and I was always seeking to raise it.

How it showed up was I had to recreate my thought patterns and retrain my mind. I had to understand that my life was not a representation of what I had, was and or what I did. I was terrified of making mistakes. I had to transform my opinion of myself. Even though my father tried to pump me up with one conversation that I was worthy, he had no idea that he was disempowering me with another.

With changing my opinion of myself and being present to an empowered conversation I was able to change my internal conversations from negative to positive. The more I felt positive, the higher my self-value became. I was not born this way. I created myself as I transformation I began to experience more opportunities and take more risk. That's not to say I do not have fear. The difference is that I do not let fear control me and I started to become much more present to my ways of being. I discovered the better I thought of myself, the more people and invitations I received. (I would get invited to the ball) In essence, I am becoming the ball.

The more positive that you are about yourself and your life that more you able to attract what you want. Customers, friends, etc. When you feel good about yourself, and you have self-esteem, you develop a sense of being able to take more risks.

When you have a healthy self-esteem, your level of creativity expands, and you are free to create. You don't need to know anything until the challenge or the problem arises, and you start to see life as an opportunity to learn, grow and develop.

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