You know when something is right. I mean it just feels right. That feeling that glides through your day and falls into place in the perfect fit that only destiny could create. This leads me to believe that I am right where I am supposed to be. Now don't get me wrong, I get anxiety all the time thinking about being so far from my family and loved ones, in a country (an awesome one, might I add) but nevertheless a country in which I do not speak the language at all. I knew about 5 Spanish words excluding curse words, (growing up in Southern Cali you at least knew those) when I arrived in Costa Rica. It wasn't easy convincing my worried husband, who without him we could not be venturing into this new way of life. He would follow and I would be on my own until then. After some serious discussion and knowing financially and physically this would be the only way to complete a move of this magnitude, my husband hugged me as I got in the car with my daughter who dropped me off at Amtrak to start my journey to Costa Rica.
See, we did not have the resources or the savings to just pick up and go, live off of our savings for a few months until we got settled. We have debt, school loans, medical bills, a car note, and a few low balance credit card payments. Up until a year ago we lived credit card free, which meant if we did not have it we did not spend it. It is a great but hard way to live in the states since it is a credit based society. So in order to build our credit, we use them but try and use them wisely.
I thought about all of this as I boarded the train. I thought about our kids (yes grown but were still my babies), my mom and sisters, and how would I be able to be so far away from my husband who by the way is my best friend. Away from all those I love in a country I knew nothing about. I have a lot of "what the freak moments", but I have to remember this is a chance of a lifetime. My husband and I have wanted for a long time to live a more simple life. Yet I am learning more simple is not always easier. As an American and I only speak from my perspective, we live with way too much. Period. We don't need half the stuff we claim we do in order to have a good quality of life.
I thought I lived simple, but I am being broken down and it's like a baby being born into a new world. I am that baby. I have been stripped from all my luxuries I once thought were mandatory and it stings. Some of it brings a smile to my face and sometimes it makes me cry or frustrates me, but the lesson in it all, is I can figure it out. I never thought I could really do it by myself. Now I say by myself in the tense of surviving in a city without the help from anyone on a day to day basis, but the reality is my husband has provided me a once in a lifetime opportunity that many women or men will never get. My husband believes in me more than I do at times, something I would never want to admit to. We believed in each other and without him I would have never thought of traveling out of the country and wouldn't even think it would be possible. We are both so involved in this move spiritually and physically that it is draining and breathtaking all at the same time.
I am moving through life wishing I would have been this connected to the journey a long time ago. I wish I would have had the same respect for life that I do now. But would of, should of and could of does not fix anything. Learning my lessons and still smiling through the pain with gratefulness is the key. It is the key to happiness. Happiness doesn't always mean you will actually feel happy at that very moment. Nothing lasts forever but it comes in waves. In order to feel joy you must feel pain, or you wouldn't know the difference.
I know everyone is on the quest to find the true meaning of life, but the true meaning might be different to different people. That is the true meaning. At least in my eyes.
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