It Doesn't Have To Be That Stressful, Does It?

Your ex is late picking your kids up for visitation again. You and he have a relationship that could be called toxic on a good day. He'll pull up in front of the house, honk the horn, and no matter when he bothers to get there, will expect your kids to be ready to go with him.

When you go to pick them up after his visit, you are on time. However, you stay in your car waiting for your kids. You honk your horn, and your kids aren't ready to leave. Your ex's new bimbo informs you that they are watching the end of a show, finishing a game, or doing something else that you are interrupting.

Nevertheless,they, and more significantly, your ex knew you were coming, and it is time to go. You have housework to do, clothes to launder and 5 million other things to do tonight to get ready for the work week. You don't have time to sit in a hot car waiting for your kids to finish doing something that they had a whole weekend to get done.

Frequently, divorces are bitter. The last thing you want to do is give your ex an inch more of your life than he is entitled to by court order. The decree says his time with your kids starts on Friday at 5:00 and ends at the same time on Sunday. If he doesn't bother to go by the court order, why should you?

It is true that you shouldn't have to wait for him. He is being a jerk, and anyone who thinks he's not hasn't sat in the living room hoping your kids haven't packed their bags for no reason. There is no easy way to retrain him, or teach him some manners. However, there is one thing you can demand.

Tell him to call before he leaves his home. If he doesn't, and isn't there on time, call him and find out why. Give him a reasonable deadline to show up if he assures you he is coming. If he's not, go on about your business.

As angry as you are, or as disappointed as your kids will be if Dad is a no show, don't put him down. Your kids need to have a positive feeling about him, even if you know he's a jerk. In the future, they will visit with him, and you don't want them to do it with heavy hearts.

This may seem harsh, but the truth is, you chose to have a relationship with him. Your kids didn't make that choice, and making it harder for them isn't going to improve matters for anyone. Besides, when they are old enough to understand the dynamics of their family, they will make their own decisions about both of you. When that time comes, you will be glad they don't remember you as a bitter enemy of their other parent.

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