How to Move On After a Break Up and Overcome Heartache
It's so very difficult to move on after a break up, yet we often don't have a choice. Maybe you messed up bad, causing the break up; or you both decided it just wasn't working anymore. No matter the case, if it's really over, you must find a way to deal with heartbreak and move on with your life. Let's look at a few ways to get started.
5 Ways to Move On After a Break Up
1. Understand the Timing It's important to remember that heartache is temporary. Have you noticed all the songs on the radio about breakup-induced devastation? Those songs are possible because the songwriter, singer, and fans have all experienced it. We all get over it too. Don't forget this when you begin thinking you'll never get over your ex.
The devastation won't go away overnight, but it will lessen a little bit each day. This is true even for couples who break up after decades of marriage. The heart eventually heals. You just have to accept that the relationship is over, believe in a positive future for yourself, and give yourself time to recover.
2. Treat Yourself Right After a Break Up
No matter how your relationship ended, it's important not to beat yourself up about it. No amount of self-loathing will change things or make you feel better. Just remember that people make mistakes, but mistakes don't make you a bad person.
If you messed up in the relationship, use the time after a break up to consider how to make better choices next time. If you were mistreated by your ex, don't criticize yourself for putting up with it. It's time to move forward, so celebrate yourself for having the courage to do so. Relationships give us amazing opportunities to learn about ourselves and others, so focus on those lessons instead of any negative thoughts that come to mind. After a break up, you must deliberately choose positive thoughts to recover any hits to your self esteem.
3. Accept That's It's Over So You Can Get Over It
To move on after a break up, you must obviously accept that it's over. If you still want to get back with your ex, make sure it is because the relationship is salvageable and not because you just want the heartache to stop. You deserve better than a bad relationship, so don't hold on to something that makes you unhappy.
4. After a Break Up Stop Picking at the Wound
Moving on after a break up means letting go. For good! This can't be done if you refuse to close the door on your past. Think about what happens when you have a cut on your arm. First you stop the bleeding, then protect it from infection. A scab develops and the healing process continues. Eventually, you have a fading scar and you've forgotten all about that old wound. Unless... you refuse to let it heal.
What happens if you remove the Band-aid, pull off the scab, dig in the wound from time to time? You cause more pain, put yourself at risk of infection, thwart the healing process, and end up with an uglier scar. The same is true when dealing with heartache after a break up.
Every time you call your ex, it's like removing the bandage from a healing wound. When you sit around listening to sad music, wondering what your ex is doing, it's like scraping off the scab. Even if you're calling your ex's friends or family, trying to keep a more distant connection going, it's like reopening the wound that's trying to heal. Stalking, texting, following, begging... it's all re-injuring your broken heart. Muster the strength to sever connections to your ex, even when you feel desperate to hold on.
5. Take a Break After a Break Up
After a break up, a new lover can serve as a distraction from the heartache and pain. However, while it feels better, dating so soon is usually a bad decision. For starters, you might confuse feeling better with healing. These are not one in the same. You must properly bemoan a lost love in order to heal; and distracting yourself with a new "love" will only get in the way. You'll push the heartache just below the surface, where it becomes baggage you take into all future relationships. This is why rebound relationships have a high likelihood of failure, and they generally come with compounded pain from the previous lost love. The solution is obvious: Go through the heartache until you come out on the other side. You will, absolutely, survive.
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